[breathe]

tumblr

2010-12-30T04:14:00.000-08:00

blogger has the gotten the ax since tumblr seems to be where it's at.

jnakasone.tumblr.com

a heartfelt response to Jennifer Knapp

2010-04-30T17:20:00.000-07:00

It has been making headlines of media all over the country and has been no lighthearted subject. As of April 13, 2010 Grammy nominated Christian singer-songwriter Jennifer Knapp, returning from a seven-year long hiatus, publicly came out as a Lesbian and admitted to being involved in a same-sex relationship for the past 8 years in number of publications.

A shock to many in the Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) industry and conservative Evangelical community, Knapp has received both grace and rebuke from her fellow (and “former”) fans, followers, and clergy. While this blog could easily discuss the issues of homosexuality at length and whether it is right or wrong and what the scripture says about the issue, I want to focus mainly on how evangelicals relate with those who would identify themselves as homosexual or with homosexual feelings and how the church engages homosexuals. With that, I think there should be a few stereotypical facts about homosexuals/homosexuality that should be cleared up so as not to lead to unnecessary debate.

1) Individuals who identify themselves as homosexual or as having homosexual feelings are human beings made in the image of God, whom Christ died for.

2) Homosexual feelings in and of themselves cannot and are not sinful. No human being can control the feelings and urges he/she has. Feelings are not voluntary.

3) Homosexual feelings and homosexual orientation are not objective choices. No individual objectively chooses to be straight or gay. There are always external circumstances that influence one’s homosexual feelings or behavior.

4) Scripture does not ever speak of homosexuality in terms of an identity or lifestyle. Homosexuality is only condemned in scripture in the context of sexually immoral practices.

5) Homosexual behavior is no more sinful than heterosexual adultery and fornication. Homosexuality should not be elevated to a higher position than other sexual sins.

6) Homosexual feelings are not external entities and cannot be “turned off” automatically. They are true human emotions just like any other human emotions, good or bad.

Knapp came out most notably in an extensive interview with Christianity Today, a well-noted conservative Evangelical publication. The interview, however, was not slanted in a victimizing fashion but was more concerned with letting Knapp give her honest answers and share her true thoughts and feelings.

Regardless of your take on Jennifer Knapp’s sexuality, she definitely raises some good questions regarding how the church engages homosexuals and alludes to the attitudes the church presents regarding homosexuality.

Jennifer Knapp contends:

…if you remove the social problem that homosexuality brings to the church—and the debate as to whether or not it should be called a "struggle," because there are proponents on both sides—you remove the notion that I am living my life with a great deal of joy. It never occurred to me that I was in something that should be labeled as a "struggle." The struggle I've had has been with the church, acknowledging me as a human being, trying to live the spiritual life that I've been called to, in whatever ramshackled, broken, frustrated way that I've always approached my faith.

Knapp is quick to say that she has never felt she was involved in an internal struggle regarding her sexuality, but insists that some have automatically made it appear that way. The question ultimately is raised, are we as Christians create an inner struggle for homosexuals that may not even exist? She points out that she has felt that she is required to “choose” between her Christianity and her feelings, and Knapp stresses that her real struggle was with trying to find genuine human acceptance in the church as someone who desires love and grace. Too often I think Christians write of homosexuals first as homosexuals, and forget that they are first people just like everyone else. Knapp goes deeper, later in the interview, saying:

… everyone around me made it absolutely clear that this is not an option for me, to invest in this other person—and for me to choose to do so would be a denial of my faith…

...there are people I care about within the church community who would seek to throw me out simply because of who I've chosen to spend my life with.

Jennifer Knapp senses that the Church is giving her the age old “clean up or get out” message that at one time or another has permeated American evangelicalism. It’s as if the church will anything else to exist and let someone “wrestle with it” within the body of Christ, but with homosexuality, you must “check yourself” at the door. The reality is that homosexuality is not an objective thing that can be removed from someone but an issue that involves one’s emotional feelings and identity. Yet for some reason Christians have forgotten that aspect of it.

Notice that Knapp does not refer to her relationship in primarily sexual or romantic terms, but simply uses relational language. “Invest in” “spend my life.” These are words that are not generally associated with sexual immorality. In speaking of sexual purity and sexual immorality scripture is clear, but when speaking of relationality and choosing to invest in another individual and love them unconditionally, scripture is also clear. Love your neighbor. There is nothing sexual about investing in another person so as to build them up and love them. Or to put it another way, if I as a heterosexual male have a close relationship with my good friends who are men and invest in them, there is nothing wrong with that. But if someone struggles with or identifies himself or herself as a homosexual, suddenly that investment in another person becomes a sin. How are we to know what aspects of a relationship are sexual in nature? Where and how do we draw the line that says this emotional relationship is now sinful? It is merely impossible to make such a distinction.

On the other hand it is clear that Jennifer Knapp is involved in a romantic relationship with another woman, but that does not negate the importance of her acceptance as a child of God and her desire to sacrificially invest in someone she loves dearly. This raises the question, is her sexuality all that matters or is there other aspects to her?

Knapp states, with utmost sincerity, …if God expects me, in order to be a Christian, to be able to theologically justify every move that I make, I'm sorry. I'm going to be a miserable failure.

It appears that Jennifer Knapp is aware that she is incapable of achieve success with Christianity alone apart from God and that she is asking for love, understanding, and grace. If this is her true desire, why are we neglecting her of it? It is my understanding that the gospel is about redemption and reconciliation. God redeemed Jennifer Knapp on the cross and she has clearly accepted His free gift of grace. Yet, God desires to continue to redeem and restore Jennifer Knapp and it is our job as the church, the visible hands and feet of Christ, to join God in that redemption story. Why is it, then, that we are so reluctant to join Him concerning Jennifer Knapp?

If anything we must remember that Jennifer Knapp is a child of God who has been redeemed by Grace, loves God and is loved by God. We cannot let her sexuality be the only thing that defines her. The church must be her home.

The excerpts from the article referenced first appeared in the April 2010 issue of Christianity Today. Used by permission of Christianity Today International, Carol Stream, IL 60188. Click here to read the entire interview.

Something there in between

2009-11-06T02:39:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, I went through a deep depression this past summer where I questioned my reason for living, my impact on the Kingdom of God, my value to others, etc. You can read about it here: http://u.nu/3mzr3 And, as most of you know, I also recovered from that depression and gained some new insight to who I am and who God is to me. You read my "recovery" blog post here: http://u.nu/6mzr3.

What I did not mention, however, was how I came to the conclusions that I did. Yes, I did listen to a sermon that helped me. But before the sermon, I was saved through something else. Something profoundly impactful and powerful. I was saved through music.

More specifically, I was saved through the music of the band Flyleaf. Flyleaf is a hardcore band from Arlington, Texas who has become a platinum act since their debut in 2006. I received Flyleaf's debut record from a friend who got it at a youth event but didn't want it. As with many bands these days, Flyleaf does not market themselves as a "Christian" band but "Christians in a band." I've had their record on my iPod for the last 3 years but never really gave it much of a listen. I liked a few of their songs, but was never really sold on the band.

As my luck would have it, an internet message board forum that I found on RELEVANT magazine's website mentioned Flyleaf. After an intriguing discussion about the band, I decided to give their album another listen. It was here that I found the words of Flyleaf lead vocalist Lacey Mosley (Sturm), as raw and honest as she could have ever been. The last song on the record, entitled "So I Thought”, speaks of a rough time that Lacey went through and she talks about how it took her time to really address the issues she had been dealing with. During the song's bridge, Lacey pours out her soul to God when she sings:

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

But it was the last lines of the song that really got me. At the conclusion of the song, Lacey passionately proclaims:

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between

That last line, And all these twisted thoughts I see Jesus there in between, was what I needed to hear. Furthermore, Lacey's introduction to the song that I discovered via Youtube also gave me hope and peace.

I don't know about you guys but I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I've hurt a lot of people and I've been hurt by a lot of people. There's a lot of guys out there that really mistreat girls, and a lot of girls out there that really mistreat guys. I've broken promises that I've made to people that I love and to God and everything. I've messed up a lot, and the point is that if you've been messed up and made mistakes, it doesn't mean that you have to keep screwing up, or that your life is ruined and that you're worthless. It means that you can start over, you just have to make that decision yourself. That's what I think about when I sing this song. - Lacey Mosley

I realized that I've made a lot of mistakes and while I know I am not without flaws, I finally realized that I will never be in a state where I can say that everything is alright and or be in a state of perfect bliss or euphoria. To say that I am is a lie. It may sound strange, but at the age of 23, I still haven't realized some aspects of Christ's sacrifice. Though I've been a Christian since I was 5, I've spent the last 10-12 years of my life trying to put myself in a state of ultimate perfection. I wanted things to be “perfect.” It has taken me nearly 10 years to fully understand that it's not me that has to be perfect, because Jesus was perfect. Jesus invites us to give our sins to Him and nail them to the cross. Jesus invites us into a grand story called Redemption. Jesus invites to live Holy not because of religious legalism but out of a love for what is true, good, and beautiful. The ultimate author of that unconditional and undying love is Jesus. I wanted answers to why I hurt, when in reality the answers were staring me right in the face all that time. I am a part of a bigger story that is not finished and is still waiting to be completed. And all these twisted thoughts I see, Jesus there in between!

To listen to the song “So I Thought” go here ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZuskwmcQGg

grace and peace,
jeremy

more than meets the eye.

2009-07-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

This blog is long overdue. Three weeks I believe, though probably more. Over the last month I have done a lot of praying, thinking, reflecting, and reading, and I realize now the short comings of my own life, and the everlasting goodness of a God who loves me for exactly the man I am.

As you recall, my last blog was a confession over a struggle with mostly fear and doubt. My emotions were overrun and my faith seemed to be bone dry. I was broken and falling apart. I am grateful to the many of you who offered your loving and kind words of solidarity, blessing, and concern. Thank you all for you all so much for your prayers and thank for you continued support of me in my ups and downs. You are truly beautiful people and are truly an exquisite representation of the Body of Christ.

During my time of process, I kept wandering back to the reality of feeling helpless, worthless, over-run and unworthy. It wasn’t until the LORD spoke so clear to me by His Spirit through another Christ follower that I began to realize the reality of what I was dealing with. I wasn’t dealing so much with failure, but with doubt. Not doubt of God, but doubt in myself. And it was that doubt drew me to God and it was through that doubt that God reminded me of who I am and what I am worth.

A couple of weeks ago I listen to a pastor speak on the book of Job. We’ve all heard the story where Job loses everything and is left with painful boils all over his body and he is sitting in a pile of ash, scraping his sores with shards of clay, trying to relieve his pain. Job is dealing with the deepest possible pain. Job’s wife infamously contends “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9).

Then Job’s three friends show up and they each go around and say their piece about why Job is suffering. They give their explanations. They want answers. Explanations. The want reasons for why this is so hard.

That is what I dealt with. I wanted to know why I felt the way that I did. I wanted to know why it wasn’t working out the way I had thought it would. I was in deep, dark pain. I wanted to know why life was so hard and why I kept failing and feeling like I jacked things up.

Now, after Job and his friends all have their say, then YHWH finally speaks. God has questions for Job and they went something like this:

Then YHWH spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:

Prepare to defend yourself;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?

On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—

while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?

(Job 38:1-7)

God goes on with question after question after question after question after question after question after question. (you can read it in Job 38-40)

And then finally, God says to Job

"Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!" (Job 40:1)

And then Job replies:

I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?
I put my hand over my mouth.

I spoke once, but I have no answer—
twice, but I will say no more. (Job 40:4-5)

I wanted answers. Why I was in such pain? Why was I hurting?

Now, I believe that sometimes the only rational, normal, healthy thing to do is shake our fist at the heavens and demand and explanation…

…but true wisdom, like what Job had, is the kind of wisdom that endures and sustains a person through the deepest pain, it’s the kind of wisdom knows when to speak and when to be SILENT because my story is NOT OVER and the last word HAS NOT BEEN SPOKEN. The BOOK IS NOT FINISHED and God is NOT DONE WITH ME YET because THERE IS MUCH MORE GOING ON with me than I could EVER REALIZE or comprehend, and who can contend with the Almighty, right?

I believe that I initially failed to see that there is so much more going on than I could ever comprehend. I spoke once, but I will say no more….

grace and peace to you,

jeremy

Kicking and Screaming

2009-06-28T05:33:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I APOLOGIZE FOR MY USE OF STRONG LANGUAGE HOWEVER I FEEL IT IS NECESSARY TO EXPRESS MYSELF PROPERLY AT THIS TIME.

Nature's first green is gold.

Her hardest hue to hold

Her early leaf's a flower

But only so an hour

Then leaf subsides to leaf

So Eden sank to grief

So dawn goes down to day

Nothing gold can stay.

- Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost

This is something I’ve needed to vent for quite some time.

Nothing gold can stay. That feels like my life right at this very moment. Nothing is what life is. I’m not someone who has had an easy life, and I’ve pulled through some of the toughest times I can think of. But now I find little value in the answers that mindless culture and religion try to offer. There’s a lot I could say about my life, but here’s a quick history lesson.

- I have a lot of chronic health problems from being born 4 months early, 23 weeks premature April 29, 1986. I have a chronic neuro-muscular condition which basically means that I cannot run a whole lot or walk very far or do a lot of strenuous activities without getting immensely fatigued. I had learning disabilities growing up and was "just a little slower than most", to quote Radio. I have issues with insomnia and have struggled with my weight. You can read more about all of this here.

- Because I was a preemie, I've been a social disgust to my family and friends (this can explain some of it) I've suffered from clinical depression for nearly the past 10 years and even contemplated suicide at one point.

Through years of talk therapy and proper use of medication I have emerged a strong fighter with the hope of success. I still struggle with depression and I struggle with literally not pissing people off or offending them because I don't have the "filter" other people have, or at least that's what people have said about me.

Currently my life at this point in time is nothing to praise. I'm going to graduate from college in less than a year and I’m scared shitless! I've never really had a real job. The closest I've come to having a real job was doing custodial work on my campus (for some extra cash) and being a camp counselor. Both were legitimate positions with W4's and all that, but, I'm honesty scared to death about the future because I've never done stuff like rented an apartment and supported myself. I've never had a livable income and to be honest, in the most general sense of the term, "I still live with my parents."

I’m 23 and have never had a girl be interested in me and wonder and worry if I am ever going to marry. My social quirks and “issues” put me in quite a low position when it comes to the women factor. However, because God created me to seek emotional intimacy with a female, sometimes my stomach will LITERALLY feel pain and anxiety when I think about my future and the possibility of having a wife and family. My hopes get crushed. I want to have confidence, but I honestly just don’t know where to get it because it seems as if this world would rather lock me up and throw away the key, keeping me from “harming society” so to speak.

When it comes to success and the future, what I've noticed is that society looks for top notch people and I am certainly not one of those! With my disabilities I'm not the first person people want to hire for a job. I've noticed a lot of resume's have awards and honors people have received, and most people have some type of distinguished achievements. I have none of that! I'm an average student who is probably going to graduate with a 2.5 GPA and have ZERO awards or achievements. To be honest, my resume' really will look like shit and I'm afraid I'll end up one of those 30 year old mooches who is single and lives with his mother!

My parents keep on hounding me to make something of myself. They keep saying that I'm not showing them that I have the ability and skills to live on my own and survive! They have expectations of me that I haven't even considered yet, though I am fucking senior in college. Every time I go home for the holidays or summer or when we talk on the phone, my mom always says "have you thought about a job yet?" when in reality I'm just trying to survive that day. In reality, I feel like I'm running out of hope, and my parents are the only people who I really have who can support me in every way. I feel hopeless, like I want to walk of the face of this planet and go lovingly into the arms of Jesus and not have to worry anymore. My mother speaks constantly how she’s worried I won’t have a job and won’t be able to support myself! And when it comes down to it, comments like that don’t necessarily raise my hopes of succeeding in life. It makes me want to curl up and die, because it seems like I’m never going to be anywhere. In my entire life, I have ALWAYS felt like I’m only second best. I’m like that player who is benched and only put in the game when no one else is left to play. That back up guy who isn’t really needed, but is there just in case everything else fails.

With that I find myself asking the age old question? What is life for? Now, I know the answer is that we are to love God and love others, thereby advancing His kingdom on earth until He returns, at which He will judge the living and the dead, finally restoring His Kingdom. God seeks to restore all things in Heaven and on earth unto himself, through the blood sacrifice of his only son Jesus Christ. This restoration comes by the eternal life given to all who accept God’s free gift of salvation, grace offered to them eternally and unconditionally. I understand that my purpose is to advance the Kingdom of God and bring Him glory by his unconditional, never-ending love. But I’m beginning to feel like my work in His Kingdom is really not worth completing because there are several people who are so much more capable of advancing the Kingdom of God than I am. Hell, I can barely support myself and have no real hope for a future. I often wonder why I was delt this hand in life. Why am I always second best, never good enough to be first?

I will say that there a people who have greatly encouraged and supported me and have given me a splinter of hope in this messed up world. These are the people who have stuck by me or who have mentored me in ways I cannot explain. The efforts and encouragement are greatly appreciated and I want to say that Thank You and that I love you.

But that ever-so-destructive thought of continued failure, of only being second best, and of not succeeding grips the inner parts of my soul and eats me alive. I pray God has mercy on my tortured soul!

Grace and Peace to you,
jeremy

The Great Divorce, The Lost Chapter

2009-05-04T21:08:00.001-07:00

This is my artistic project for Dr. G's C.S. Lewis class. It's an alternate scene to The Great Divorce (as you probably already guessed from the title) and it's about when the main character encounters a conversation between a health and wealth pastor and a Heavenly soul (The Solid Man). Hope you like it.

The Great Divorce – The Lost Chapter

Suddenly I looked and saw in the distance a man that appeared somewhat familiar. He was certainly a Ghost, and I knew I had seen him before, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around who he was. I started to make my way towards him but kept my distance, so as not to grab his attention. I kept on walking amidst the bright light, noticing however that the light was getting dimmer and dimmer the closer I got to him. As I got closer I noticed a Solid Man standing with him, deep in conversation. I moved in close so I could hear them clearly and neatly planted myself behind a bush, watching carefully to keep myself hidden so as not to disrupt their conversation.

When I took a good look at him I noticed he was not like some of the other ghosts. He was an older man, I’d say probably in his mid 40s on earth when he came to be, and was very well dressed and groomed quite nicely. He was somewhat of a stalky figure, about 5’ 10” tall, a bit overweight but not obese.

I looked a bit more closely and noticed he was dressed in a fine suit and tie, Giorgio Armani or Ralph Lauren it must have been, and custom tailored to his own preferences for I had never seen a suit cut quite like his. Clasped around his wrist was what appeared to be a genuine gold Rolex watch, though it didn’t keep time of course, for there is no use for a time peace when time does not exist. His feet were graced with authentic Louis Vuitton loafers, which would probably be worth quite a shilling on earth. His outfit was certainly of a different class than what most people could have afforded on earth. This ghost was certainly a rich man when he was alive.

I sat there in a rather puzzled state, still trying to think of who he was. I knew that I knew him from somewhere, but where? Tilting my head closer I leaned in to hear the conversation between the ghost and the Solid Creature.

“Why! Why! Why! Why am I not with you?” exclaimed the Well Dressed Ghost. “Why was I sent Down There? It doesn’t make any sense! Why, I thought I’d certainly be one of the ones up here with you! I, I just don’t get it.”

His voice was deep and rather soothing despite his frustration, like the sound a calmly flowing stream or tall grass waving in the wind in a meadow. His voice seemed so familiar, but still I couldn’t place him in my earth-filled memory, if such a thing even “exists.”

The Solid Man soon responded. “The more you question yourself, the more you will never see the answer. If you could take one good look in a mirror I’d think you’d see.”

“What! Was it true? Was I really to rich to enter heaven?” the ghost sharply responded, now with an even more puzzled look on his face.

“It is not your possessions that kept you so far away. In fact, with all the wealth you did acquire, you could’ve done so much more and you would have come so much closer. It was not what you had, but what you did that kept you stuck.”

What I did! What I did! How can you say that! All I did was my job, weekly, and I spoke with him quite frequently as well. Why, I did such great things, you see. What about all those amazing stories? It was you who was behind all those, wasn’t it? How can you say it’s what I did when all I did was what you told me to do?!” The ghost was still greatly perplexed; his eyes were bright with confusion as he seemed to scratch his head. His tear ducts were swollen with anxiety as he did not understand what the Solid Man was saying.

“Well, I will say that it was certainly us who declared some of those wonderful things, and I am not going to say that good did not come out of it.” Replied the solid man

“Well then why am I stuck down there? Oh please, just give me the answer! All this bantering is not worth the hassle. I just want to know! Why won’t you tell me? I can tell you story after story. What about that lady who was bound to a wheel-chair? She couldn’t walk. She was in so much pain, and was crying in anguish! I asked with boldness for her healing and proclaimed his words over her! And she walked! She stood up out of her old-rickety wheel chair and walked! Are you telling me that it was the devil that did that? Are you really saying that to me?”

Finally, it hit me who this man was! He was once a preacher, and a rather famous one at that! His name was Timothy Jones, a pastor from the Grace Church in Atlanta, Georgia! This greatly puzzled me, because the last person you’d expect to see in hell was a pastor! Every Sunday his church broadcasted services on public broadcast television in London! His church seemed to do such great things for Christianity. Always healing and saving people, at least I thought so. Granted I shall say that I did not agree with all of their theology. I felt like they stressed a form of faith that pretty much said all Christians should be healthy, rich, wonderful people. Anything that went wrong was not our fault but the Devil, trying to destroy us. They never seemed to talk about what Christians called sin and they always focused on what they could be doing wit their money.

The ghost continued:

“What about that healing center? That prayer hall? What about the satellite dish that broadcasted services? All those things, you say weren’t about God? Are you telling me that wasn’t God at all but Satan?” the Ghost persisted. He was extremely puzzled at what the Solid Man was saying.

The solid man spoke again “Mr. Jones, it never is the things you do that get you into heaven?” “And I believed that, and taught it” The ghost interjected.

“You say you believed it, but did you really? You gave yourself such a gigantic salary and spent it in such frivolous ways, that you never were able to focus on who you really were! You never taught your people about repentance, about sin, or about judgment. All you gave them was what they wanted to hear. I watched you for many years and year after year, I began to notice that you didn’t ever teach anything more that what made everyone feel good. I knew that you yourself didn’t believe it either.”

“Didn’t I do all those things in His name? Didn’t I attribute all those miracles to God?” the ghost interjected again.
“Mr. Jones, in your conversion experience, you claimed that God appeared to you in a dream and that from then on you were called to ministry. Didn’t you ever stop to think that maybe the devil could have been behind those things? You never really repented of your sins; you believed that it was all just wiped clean! You thought you were all-in free. Worse off, how many of those healings actually happened? You used gullible Christians to make money for yourself by showing off faked miracle-healings and forced people to believe that if they gave you money, they’d be rich and be blessed. All that money went back into your pocket Mr. Jones. Don’t you see? It was about you! It was always about you and never about God! God was your little pawn which you used to your own selfish-advantage. I am not saying that your wealth is bad thing in and of itself, but remember that to whom much is given, much is required. You had money, power, and fame and you never shared it with anyone!”

“Never shared! Never shared! What about that orphanage, that hospital we built, what about all those starving kids in Africa we saved?” Mr. Jones again proceeded to plead with the Solid Man, still trying to legitimize himself.

“Did that money really go towards all those things? Furthermore, did you really want to send that money away out of love, or was it out of a sort of spiritual obligation. Mr. Jones, you took and took and took but never gave back! You performed miracles, but never knew who He was. You never really loved, did you? All this time He had His arms stretched out towards you, but you never received Him. His grace was given, but resisted!”

At this point I noticed that Mr. Jones had what appeared to be a bible in his hands, except it seemed to be quite heavy, for he seemed to be struggling to carry it. A look closer revealed that the Bible was not only heavy, but the pages were blank; it was as if Mr. Jones had his own bible in which he wrote in himself, as if he was determining what the bible said.

I noticed too that extending out from the apparent bible were chains, which seemed to morph slowing into Mr. Jones suit, almost as if they became one. Then I noticed what it was! The bible was heavy on Mr. Jones heart, but his heart was so selfish that he could not open up the bible, no matter how hard he tried. His heart was hard. Mr. Jones soon turned away from the Solid Man, again raging on and on “Why me? Why me? I’m a pastor and I’m supposed to be in Heaven!” His ghostly figure soon faded away and soon he was no more to be seen. He seemed to wander off into his own world, as if he preferred to be by himself.

God in the mosh pit, part II

2009-05-01T22:28:00.000-07:00

I was not intending to write a second blog about another experience at a hardcore show, but this one just kind of came to mind and I couldn’t let it go untouched. Last Saturday night I went to see one of my new favorite hardcore/metalcore bands play at the Hawthorne Theater in Portland. The Devil Wears Prada (also known as TDWP) (yes, they got their name from the book, but for a different reason) is a hardcore band from Dayton, Ohio and are what some in the evangelical subculture would consider a “Christian” band. Since the band’s first record in early 2006 I have been a devoted fan.

The name of the band came when one of the band members read Lauren Weisberger’s critically acclaimed novel The Devil Wears Prada. The story is about a controlling, stylish-New York fashion magazine editor who is known for her stuck up, selfish attitude, and is referred to as “the Devil incarnate” by some of her employees. From the reference to fashion comes the catchy title, The Devil Wears Prada.

TDWP lead vocalist Mike Hranica states the band’s name, while from the novel, is about the concept of how the devil uses materialism and consumerism to remove our focus from loving God. Hranica stated in an interview, “if the devil were walking around, he would be wearing Prada or Gucci, or some super expensive clothing just so he could go around and be like, ‘Yo! Check out what I’m wearing! I’m wearing this sweet stuff!’ God, on the other hand, would be walking around wearing rags because he wouldn’t care. He’d be like, ‘You know what? I’m clothed; it’s all good. I am just as good as all these other people walking around.’”

The show was intense as mind blowing, as I was expecting, but I noticed something in particular that I’ve never really noticed before. I think music is certainly a gift from a loving God who created us to be creative and reflect His love. I’ve noticed that when I’m at most rock shows, up close and squished between sweaty bodies of people I’d probably avoid if I saw them on the street, this overwhelming sense of passion begins to overtake my body, and with the adrenaline rush from the live show, I all of a sudden I feel like I am capable to take on anything and save the world. I’ve noticed that I frequently find myself thinking of social justice initiatives and global peace advocacy when I am with that crowd, rocking out! I’m sure it sounds strange, so let me clarify a few things.

I’ve always had a strong connection with music that is different than just enjoying a song or a band. I seem to really find myself and often find God in music in more often than in nature or in a story. Music just seems to have a special place in my life. Historically, throughout American Evangelical History, metal music has been primarily associated with the demonic influence, Satanism, and evil. The sound of people screaming lyrics seems to resemble more the shriek of demons and appear to be filled with anger rather than the “baah”of a lamb or the peaceful sound of a babbling brook. However I think I see things a bit differently.

When I’m at a hardcore show or even just listening to metal and hardcore music, I envision the screaming and fast paced music more like the roar of the Lion of Judah as He wages war against injustice and sin rather than Satan torturing a soul in Hell. I believe that there will certainly come a day where God will judge the living and the dead and there will be a great war between good and evil and evil will be destroyed.

On the contrary, when I’m enjoying mellow, slow, acoustic music, I envision myself basking in the awe of God’s presence and enjoying His blessed creation. With this sentiment in mind, I wonder if this is how God uses music to connect to us, His creation. It’s one thing to sing a song; it’s another thing to be completely swept away, in awe of grace, joy, beauty, and wonder.

Furthermore, I cannot seem to get over the fact that God uses music and art as a platform to transform us and mold us into His image. I’m not talking about singing praise songs on a Sunday morning in church, I’m talking about the emotions that are drawn up when you hear your favorite band singing your favorite song and what the melody and notes crafted together create within you. While some would say it’s selfish, I think it’s an example of who God made us to be: loving, passionate, and affectionate creatures. God created us with emotions and music is just one way in which we respond with emotion.

I’ve noticed that during a live show, as soon as the band takes the stage, all of a sudden it’s as if all of those little mundane things that separate us as a culture (race, class, religion, skin color, etc) seem to melt away and for a moment we are united together, all focused on one thing, the music that we love. A common good unites us regardless of diversity.

In his captivating story, The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis depicts Aslan the Lion creating the great mystical land of Narnia by singing. Rather than stern, rigid statements and commands, Aslan’s creation comes out in the form of a beautiful, sweet song, with each note building on the previous one. The song begins to reach certain points of climax as Aslan’s creation becomes more and more beautiful and more complex. Lewis brilliantly captures a rather beautiful expression of God’s artistic ability through the use of a beautiful medium, song. Lewis weaves together the intricacies of the Creation narrative while simultaneously capturing the beauty of what the experience of creation would have been like if we were there to see it, because God said that it was good and beautiful.

There is no song or music piece that captures God’s heart perfectly, for I think if such a song existed, it would have to contain elements of heavy metal, jazz, acoustic guitar, piano, etc. The music of God is something that is so mysterious yet so revolutionary, it cannot be captured.

I believe God has written us to perform certain parts of his song called Redemption and that we all play a different tune at different times. When put together this displays a beautiful example of the true and living God. God the Father through Christ’s redemptive sacrifice given by His Spirit is a song that is being composed and written and will one day be performed. As each day goes by He is making edits and deletions of parts of that song in each one of us until it is just right. When that day comes He will return and will look at his beautiful creation once again and say, “it is good.”

Until that day, I ask you to think of what song you are singing. What music are you playing with your life? Maybe you’re destroying injustice or maybe you’re relaxing in God’s presence. Or maybe you’re playing a sad song that makes God weep and He desires to retune that song until it’s a beautiful reflection of His love for you. What song are you playing, and what song are you called to play?

The Screwtape Letters I

2009-03-02T23:00:00.000-08:00

So I am back at the blogging thing. We just got done with Multnomah's annual Global Missions Conference and so I haven't had class for a whole week! It was a much need break. Neverthess, classes have resumed and my first response to the Screwtape Letters is complete. My response is my own "Screwtape Letter" to a Multnomah student tempting him/her to cheat on exam. I named my demons Anaris and Lucius, two names that I think can be "cult-like."

My Dear Anaris,

I have am rather perturbed that your patient has dedicated himself to becoming a student of the Enemy’s book. This collection of mythical nonsense has proven itself to be the most hated means of charge against us. Do not be discouraged, for your patient is in prime location for you to hone one of our greatest techniques, his honesty. Since a student of The Enemy’s Book is expected to be an honest and trustworthy man, such an institution trusts his judgments and leaves him freedom to make his own moral decisions concerning his education. This works brilliantly when he is stricken with academic responsibilities. As long as you keep his mind focused on his academic achievement aside from his own integrity, you can persuade him to violate his moral conscience in exchange for a more self satisfying achievement of his own. This is what mortals call cheating. As you persuade him to put his Christian duties aside, he substitutes his moral will for the betterment of himself, giving in to his own selfish desires, which is a field of which we are experts. Keep him focused on his own egotistical accomplishments and you have captured him!

Your Affectionate Uncle,

Lucius

grace and peace,
jeremy

Mere Christianity part III

2009-02-15T23:22:00.000-08:00

So I know I am behind in my Mere Christianity blogs, and it just so happens that we are finished with the book! I was sick for a few days and missed 2 classes and did not complete one of my response. Next we begin The Screwtape Letters (SL), which I happen to be more excited for than MC. I will be blogging about SL as well. I hope to be more frequent with my SL blogging!

Nevertheless, instead of posting 2 separate blogs at once, I am compiling all of my remaining responses in this post.

this is from 02/05/09 in response to Lewis' stating that we must be reminded of our faith as Christians on a regular basis.

C.S Lewis says we as Christians must be reminded of what we believe on a regular basis and that that is the purpose of Christian discipline. I myself cannot agree more. It appears often that I struggle daily with the reason why reading the scripture and prayer is important. Often times I feel like I am performing a religious ritual, as if I am not loved enough by God. There are days that I may not feel adequate to call myself a Christian, but through my practice of disciplines such as prayer and studying the scripture, I am repeatedly convinced of the reasons why I am a Christian, not because my faith is week, but because my faith is being trained.

This is my response from 02/11/09. Lewis contends that God wants our full hearts. He wants to commune with us and He wants ALL of who we are.

Imagine a man who desires to begin a romantic relationship with a woman, but he does not wish to spend time with her and engage with her relationally. He does nice things, helps her out, buys her nice gifts, and says nice things about her, but never engages her about her feelings or desires. You wouldn’t think him very genuine companion would you? Yet, that is what we make our relationship with God out to be. We create religious rituals and do nice things but we never take the time to engage God or understand Him. God doesn’t want what we can create, He wants the creator. God wants our hearts, our true selves. He wants to commune with us.

I am excited and anxious to get into the Screwtape Letters and I hope you will consider keeping up with me on this literary journey!

grace and peace,
jeremy

Mere Christianity part II

2009-01-28T16:29:00.000-08:00

This is my second blog post of my response to reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. I found out that we do not do 125 word responses for every reading! I wish we did! So, as a compromise, on the days that I do not have a response to post, I will post a favorite quote from the reading comment on it.

This week's response was to Lewis' argument in Book II concerning how God, who in His nature is good and loving, allow for evil to exist. Lewis argues that in order to understand what is truly good, one must already know of that which is evil (or vice versa.) Lewis contends:

A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. (p. 41)

and later, he argues

If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be a word without meaning. (p. 41)

Lewis' conclusion is that God, while loving and ultimately good in nature, must allow for evil to exist if He wants to express His love.

so, here is my response:

Lewis argues that God created beings with the free potential (free will) to choose between right and wrong and that man ultimately chose to do wrong which thereby separated him from God. While several people try to wonder how an all loving, good, and righteous God allow evil into a perfect world he created. It seems illogical, for as the apostle John states, God is Love. It appears to be against God’s nature to allow evil to exist. But alas, in reality

you cannot conceive what is evil without first conceiving what is good. In his perfect nature, God had to allow evil to be an option for man because without evil, God’s true love would not exist.

grace and peace,
jeremy

Mere Christianity

2009-01-26T02:57:00.000-08:00

I have been given the blessing of being Dr. G's class called The Life and Thought of C.S. Lewis! I have been waiting 3 years to take this course and I am finally able to dig into the literary brilliance that is C.S. Lewis! One of our assignments for each Lewis book we read is to write a 125 word max. response to particular things we read.

We just began reading Mere Christianity (MC)! I read MC when I was 15 and back then, I didn't really understand what Lewis was saying. 7 years later I am much more literate and a much brighter individual, and Lewis' words actually make sense to me. I thought it would be a great blogging venture if I shared each of my responses with the world as I make my way through the book. I will be posting my responses every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (the days I have the C.S. Lewis class.) and I would love to hear your feedback on each post!

The first response was to write an alternative analogy to what C.S. Lewis called the "Hallway of the Church." In MC, Lewis says that the Christian church is like standing in a hallway filled with doors and each door leads to a different Christian denomination, the doorman being symbolizing the distinctive each denomination contains. The "Mere" Christian stands in this hall, with a world of choices ahead of him.

here is my alternative to the analogy of the Hallway:

I think the exploration of the church Lewis describes could also be described like a Billiards table. Every individual is holding a pool cue and given the choice of which pocket to shoot the ball into. Imagine each colored ball as a common practice held by all Christians (Eucharist, baptism, prayer, etc) and depending upon which pocket it rolls into determines how it is expressed. We have the decision to choose which pocket we will go into, and we always chose the one that is most accessible; the church that suits our preference. But what would happen if chose another ball and pocket? Would our faith still be the same? Is God still loved? Is Christ still the center?

Grace and Peace,

Jeremy

Social Vibe and To Write Love On Her Arms

2009-01-16T01:08:00.000-08:00

God in the mosh pit

2008-12-28T05:58:00.000-08:00

The lights were dim and a thick layer of moisture laced the club as 500+ people were packed next to each other, shoulder-to-shoulder. A mixture of cheap beer, cigarettes, and sweat was the aroma that filled the vicinity of the room. There was standing room only and people had clothes drenched in sweat from the heavy activity in the mosh pit and the consistent movement of the crowd. This is the atmosphere you get at a hardcore show. Now, most people at hardcore concerts are there for the music and to experience a band’s live performance, and that is certainly the reason why I was there, however I experienced something I was not expecting. I encountered God.

Underøath is perhaps one of the most prominent metalcore/hardcore bands to come on the “scene” in the last 4 years or so. With over 1 million records sold, they’ve reached mainstream status followed by musical grandeur. With success at their doorstep, you would think that they’d be like any other rock band….alcoholics, womanizers, and drug users. But Underøath is different. Underøath is, as a band, about the name of Jesus Christ. Underøath is what several within Christian subculture would consider a “Christian” band. However you won’t find them doing mega-church tours or Christian youth events and you won’t find them preaching a salvation message from the stage. In addition, you won’t find the average gathering of “churched” youth group kids at an Underøath show. The band of course has fans who are followers of Christ, but they aren’t out to “target” a particular demographic and aren’t about “selling Christ.” Nevertheless Underøath is my favorite band, not just because I love their music but also because of their faith in Christ. The band, at their core, is real and honest with people about who they are and do not separate their faith from the culture they’re part of. Their message is revealed by their actions more than their words (not necessarily lyrics, but “words” from the stage and in the media) and I am particularly eager to see them play tonight!

On this cold November evening at the Roseland Theater in downtown Portland, Underøath puts on a stellar performance and my small yet energetic body is enthralled by the show. The energy from the crowd of devoted fans is astounding and ecstatic! It’s down to last minutes of the show and after an amazing and hard hitting 14 song set the band takes the stage once again for their encore performance.

As anxious as I am to know what their encore will be, my ears prick up and I am soon screaming my heart out in approval as the band begins to play a new fan-favorite off their latest record (Lost in the Sound of Separation), a song entitled Too Bright to See Too Loud to Hear. Unlike the typical scream-rich hardcore/metal music you get from Underøath, this song utilizes the smoothness of vocalist/singer and drummer Aaron Gillespie rather distorted screams of front man Spencer Chamberlain. The song is slow and sweet! I, as well as many other fans, love this song because it speaks of the reality of God’s forgiveness and grace and how we are all loved and cherished as God’s children.

Chills overcame me as I peered at others in my proximity. Not surprisingly, I saw several people, bodies drenched in sweat, with their hands raised in praise and worship to God and embracing the song’s beauty. I soon felt something move inside me that I couldn’t hold back. In the midst of hundreds of sweating, tired, hardcore kids I lifted my hands in worship to my savior, singing a long at the top of my lungs. Before long, it became apparent that I was encountering God’s presence! I stood their basking of the awe of my Savior’s grace, in quite a strange place--a hardcore show! My experience encountering God with Underøath is something I have not forgotten! Every time I hear this song, I am reminded of that night.

I think so many times in our American Evangelical subculture we tend to limit the places and ways in which we can “encounter” God’s presence, having created religion. It seems as though we’ve put God in this box with rules attached to Him, and we’re only “allowed to” encounter and experience God in certain ways (Prayer, “quiet time”, church on Sunday morning, etc) as if He’s not around other times or doesn’t care. I think worship is holistic in nature, being an embodied response to God for what He’s done for us, regardless of our environment, upbringing, etc.

When it comes to encountering God in the arts, artistic expressions of faith have been limited, if not totally removed from “Christendom” except for the likes of Thomas Kinkade paintings or Fireproof-esque movies (the list could go on) that are created within the subculture with the sole purpose of bait and switch evangelism of the broader culture or being created specifically for Christian people within the subculture. It appears to me that we as evangelicals have restricted God to our finite, western, American, religious systems and nothing more. Where have the artistic expressions of faith gone? Where has the engagement of culture gone?

Too Bright Too See Too Loud to Hear was not written with the intention of worshipping God and the band’s purpose was not evangelism, but it appeared to create an atmosphere of worship among the crowd that night and I believe people encountered the true and living God. The song is first and foremost a work of art, regardless of whether it expresses the faith of the band or not. It led me to encounter God and I felt no different worshipping God in that crowd of people than I did in a church on a Sunday morning. While several within Christian subculture today would say that a hardcore concert at a “secular” venue with “secular/non-Christian” bands performing alongside “Christian” bands is not where we’d go to worship our Savior, I know for a fact that God revealed himself to me there! I experienced God in a place that was not expected and I experienced God through the medium of poetry and music…through art.

I believe the Kingdom of God will break in when and where we least expect it, and God will move in ways we least expect Him to. As MTV’s Diary of a Rock Star says “You think you know, but you have no idea!”

To listen the song Too Bright to See Too Loud to Hear, go here. Click on the “more info” link in the side bar to see the lyrics while the song is playing.

advent conspiracy

2008-12-15T18:01:00.001-08:00

in light of the christmas season and the state of the economy, i invite you to take part in the advent conspiracy.

[worship fully]
[spend less]
[give more]
[love all]

can we agree?

2008-09-19T13:57:00.000-07:00

If you were to take a room full of 100 Christians and ask them about their theological tenets you would more than likely have a group with rather a wide theological spectrum of beliefs, practices, doctrines, backgrounds, and convictions. Before long you would be able to develop a rather extensive list of disputable matters among these Christians and if you shared the list with its creators, you'd more than likely end up with relatively blistering arguments and rising tensions. This of course would not be a pretty sight to watch.

Moreover, if you took a room of 100 people, 50 Christians and 50 non-Christians, and asked similar questions, you might as well put a bunch of hungry monkeys in a room with only one banana. The vibe in the atmosphere would certainly not be pleasant.

I think we as humans can correctly state that we can become rather uncomfortable around those of which we do not agree with. Be it theology, politics, ethics, personal practice, etc. we, the human race, throughout history have naturally tended to gravitate toward those in which we are in alignment with.

Ever since I can remember I have always struggled to love and befriend those of which I find disagreement with. More recently within the last few years, as my theological and political beliefs have shifted quite profoundly, as a Bible college student I have found myself becoming more and more uncomfortable with those of which I disagree in areas such as theology, politics, and personal practices. In some cases it has even gotten to the point where I don't feel like I can completely be myself in some ways unless I am with people of whom I agree with. This is sad, but true. As in other cases, it has become a rather shameful practice of mine to subconsciously stereotype individuals of whom I disagree with into a completely separate group of people. For example, when disagreements arise, I have essentially said to myself "you think (blank) about this, you must be one of them" Fill in the blanks with whatever labels you wish (liberal, conservative, Calvinist, Arminian, etc) and voila, you have my rather vial thought process. I have conceived a rather dangerous “me vs. them” mentality. This is a personal aspect of which I do not envy, and I have spent many restless nights fighting with myself over my desire to be a truly loving person.

On a wider scale I have always asked the question of how we as evangelical Christians can engage those within our postmodern culture who share different beliefs. I have noticed that we seem to get so hung up on the other’s "wrong" beliefs that we never get past arguing, wasting precious time bickering with one another.

It wasn't until recently that I truly began to understand engagement with culture can look like. I was listening to a sermon MP3 and the pastor mentioned this…
We could spend our time asking questions about rather mundane issues of theology, politics, morality, etc.

But what if we asked different kinds of questions?
Can we as opponents agree, as different as we are, that Christ's body was broken and blood poured for the healing of the world? Can we agree on that? What would it be like if the next time we were in a shouting match with a fellow Christian we said
"Can we agree that Christ's body was broken and his blood poured out for the healing of the world? Can we agree on that?"

Imagine what it would be like if the we engaged someone who was not a Christian, who didn't want anything to do with God, Jesus, The Bible, or Church? What if we asked, "do you agree that the world needs healing? I believe Jesus' body was broken and blood was shed for the healing of this world. Can we agree that the world needs healing? Can we agree on that?"

Also, can we agree on our need for the grace and peace of Christ? Can we agree on that? The interesting thing about our opponents is that we both agree that we both need the grace and peace of Jesus Christ. We a connection we didn’t know we had. Our boundaries would soon look much different and we wouldn't want to throw bombs at each other if we realized our mutual need for the grace and peace of Christ.

What it would be like if this was how we viewed things?
How would our world change?
How would our faith as followers of Christ be changed?

grace and peace,
jeremy

setting the record straight

2008-07-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

for quite a while I've been ambiguous about my particular views and opinions on certain individuals and opinions/views. Basically I'm letting it all out for the world to know.

here's the skinny:

- i am voting for Barack Obama because I cannot stand the corruption of America's health care and education system and i want our troops to get out of Iraq and to come home or go to places like Afghanistan where the fighting actually matters. I also think with clear boundaries and guidelines, we can successfully conduct embryotic stem cell research without destroying living embryo's or putting a demand on abortions and in turn possibly cure HIV/AIDS and other diseases.

- i am a political moderate who doesn't care for big government and has a moral stance against abortion, homosexual marriage, and meaningless war but at the same time i don't like like that the government screws over less fortunate Americans, disregards global climate change, and allows human trafficking to exist.

- i am tired of fellow believers and politicians trying to push a certain view on me that doesn't matter. I am an individual and I have a right to my own opinions/views.

- i am a strong egalitarian and do not have a single problem with women in church ministry, eldership, or the pastorate anywhere. period.

- i am tired of people treating certain individuals (Christian leaders, professors, etc) like they are the next best thing since sliced bread. These people are human and capable of fault just like anyone else. Just because they are advocating a particular view doesn't mean they have it all nailed.

- i do not agree with the likes of Pastor Mark Driscoll and think he has made some seriously offensive statements and remarks as well as expressed theological and social arrogance towards others that is uncalled for, anywhere at anytime to anyone. the same goes for people like Wayne Grudem, John Piper, and John MacArthur. They are great men of God but I do not agree with them fully on everything. You will not be able to "convert" me to the likes of these men, so if you are trying to do so, STOP!

- i do not have a problem with Emergent Village and support them completely. I do however have strong disagreements with Doug Pagitt and I think he is a universalist who is teaching false doctrine and a dangerous theology rooted in subjective postmodern relativism. However I think some of Doug's points about preaching, prayer, and community are worth consideration. I have some heavy disagreements with Brian McLaren and Tony Jones as well, but I do not think they are wolves in sheep's clothing.

- i do not agree completely with the theological positions of Rob Bell or Mars Hill Bible Church. However, Rob's teaching has significantly changed my life and my world view ever since the Summer of 2004 and I consider him a great influence in my life. I do not think that Mars Hill or Rob Bell teach heresy and believe they are theologically solid at their core.

- i do not have a problem with homosexual civil unions (to a degree) and think we must move to loving and caring for people regardless of their sexual orientation. however, i believe that all homosexual practices are sins clearly condemned by scripture and constitute the lust of the flesh. I will not allow homosexual practice to be placed on a higher level of a"sin chart" above other sexual sin. all sexual sins are sexual sins regardless and are equal in offense to God.

- i do not believe heaven and hell are physical places but rather spiritual realms which we as humans cannot fully comprehend outside our physical world. i believe heaven and hell, while both real and literal, are only described as physical places for our limited understanding.

- i believe we are called to love everyone unconditionally and that an aggressive, angry, hate filled gospel is not what Jesus came to establish. i believe Jesus taught grace, peace, and love. i believe the gospel to be the ultimate expression of God's love for the world.

- i enjoy watching romantic comedies that would fall into the category of "chick flick" but not all the time. i enjoy war movies and horror just as much.

- i am tired of fellow Christ follower's gossiping about other believers and passing it off as "rebuking sin."

- i have a strong passion to fight injustice and will not stand for injustice against minorities and those who are "different" in the church.

- i think that American Evangelicals in the last 10 years or so have done a terrible job at representing the true Christ and have created a gospel of political agendas, hatred, and exclusive "you're in, you're out" rights that is not equivalent to what Christ taught in the scriptures.

- i think that at their core, the Roman Catholic and Orthodox church truly teach the gospel of Salvation in Jesus Christ.

- i think speculating about end times eschatology in this current age is a ridiculous practice that gets people nowhere in their fellowship with Christ.

- i believe that God is mysterious and the we cannot know everything there is to know about God through theological systems, the scriptures, or even prayer. God keeps us thinking, dreaming, and desiring Him.

- i think George Bush and his administration has done both good and bad for our country during his presidency.

- i agree with both ray lubeck and dan christiansen even though they at different ends of the hermeneutical spectrum.

- i used to be a fan of boy bands like Nsync, BSB, and 98 degrees back when i was young.

- i wish i was thinner, taller, and had less hair.

there you have it.

grace and peace to you,
jeremy

mississippi burning| day 003

2008-05-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

Mississippi burning

Anger, tears, sadness, broken heartedness, pain, disgust, passion, justice, and peace. These are just a few words I used to describe my experience while watching the film Mississippi Burning. The film was based around a murder investigation where two white civil rights activists and a black man from Jessup County, MS in 1964. The film weaved throughout the investigation were scenes of Klansmen who were guilty of murdering and severely beating the blacks of the city. The scenes of the oppression and hatred toward the black people were disgustingly real. Seeing such bigotry and racism while being exposed to the very same thing just hours earlier in Jackson made the film very real. I had a lot of riveting thoughts while the film went on.

What I felt was most interesting was the fact that the very same types of oppression could happen to our team here, today. There were several scenes were homemade gas bombs were tossed through the windows of black families homes, causing the houses to burst into flames and threatening the lives of the family. I became very real to me that some white supremacists could easily realize that there is a group of white Christians who are trying to “disrupt” our way of living and so we should go through bombs into their house and kill them. Even as I am writing this, the thought still passes through my mind and it makes me wonder how I am going to sleep tonite. How would you respond if you were in this situation? I realize now how I take so much for granted and how little I really do understand about social tension in America. I am beginning to realize how much of a racist I am and how horrible that truth is. It’s a destructive force that has been fueled by the screwed up American media and by the oppressive political forces in this country. At the same time, I realize it is only the love of Christ that can change me and change the people around me. I must be wiling to submit myself to the lordship of Christ and embracing the redeeming power of the cross. It was powerful and sad to see the cross, which is seen by so many of us as a symbol of unity, being used as a symbol of segregation and division. The burning crosses of the KKK used as symbols of hatred angered me. Throughout the film I really wanted to get a hold of these white Klansmen and kill them, but at the same time I realized that I was a part of the problem and in a lot of ways was no better than them. I think I just cloak my racism with “culture” and then think nothing of it.

One of the things that really irritated me about myself in this was that I don’t really know how to stop such a problem. How do we stop a problem that we’ve been embedded with in this country? It is a true question of cultural and societal engagement.

this is a poem I wrote about the issue of the KKK using the cross as a symbol of destruction rather than a symbol of unity.

The true Cross.

A house around me mourns in agony as a wooden cross blazes with flames.

A message of destruction is fashioned to a symbol that resembles peace.

This wood stands marred with flames as fear and tears tremble down this innocent face.

Screams and shrieks come from inside as God’s beloved children burn in pain.

Here there is no grace given by those who live with hate.

But this burning cross does not destroy.

Instead it makes them stronger.

Empowered, they fight for righteous justice and to live peace and harmony.

The cross that showed us grace and peace now burns with flames of bigotry.

That freedom was stolen on a faithful day when our brothers breathed their last.

A crowd around me mourns in agony as a wooden cross bleeds with blood.

A message of redemption is fashioned to a symbol that resembles death.

This wood stands marked with blood as tears of passion role down His innocent face.

Screams and shrieks come from inside as God’s beloved Son bleeds in Pain.

Here there is no death given by one who lived by peace.

This bleeding cross does not destroy.

Instead it makes them stronger.

Empowered, He fights for precious justice living life in peace and harmony.

A cross that once made us afraid now stands in noble victory.

That justice was served on that faithful day when our savior breathed His last.

Mississippi day 002 | charles

2008-05-21T20:39:00.000-07:00

Charles| 05/19/08

Charles Evers is an African American Civil Rights activist from Jackson. Charles is the older brother of the late Medgar Evers, the famous Mississippi civil rights activist who was murdered in 1963 in front of his own family. Medgar Evers’ story is portrayed in the film The Ghost of Mississippi.

Monday afternoon we went for a session of dialogue and discussion with Charles Evers, who is still rather active in the Mississippi area as an activist and owner of a local radio station. There’s a lot to be said about Charles. But I think the one word that can sum him up is PASSIONATE! Charles Evers is one of the most insightful and entertaining individuals I’ve ever met.

Just look on Wikipedia for Charles Evers or even YouTube him and I think you’ll see what I mean. Charles has some of the most awesome quirks, mannerisms, “phrases”, and “things” about him that you can’t just help but smile. One guy has even referred to him as the “Snoop Dogg of Civil Rights.”

Mississippi day 001-002 - the church

2008-05-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

This is the first of a daily series of blogs about my trip to Jackson, Mississippi working the John M. Perkins foundation for a week. Each blog will begin with an explanation of what the day what the day was to look like and then commentary on each daily experience/event that I/we encountered. I apologize for posting so late. It's been go go go go since day one and I haven't been able to blog as frequently as I originally thought I would. Nevertheless this is what i have written so far.

The church 05|19|08

The morning began with John (yes, I am calling him John. We are on a first name basis with him) talked about us having a big vision for the church and showed us how the apostle John had a powerful vision of the church and for Christ’s followers. In today’s society, we should have powerful vision (what he referred to as a BIG BOOM!) for justice and reconciliation within the church. John’s devotion was pretty basic, and it was really a starting point to get the ball rolling (or get the justice rolling).

After John’s message, we loaded up the vans and headed for New Horizon Church, an all black church in Jackson. I was eager to attend church, because I’ve always wanted to experience a black southern church service. The only thing I’d ever known of any African-American church service was what I’d seen in the media. Films such as Blues Brothers and The Preachers Wife were my only “exposure” to a predominantly “black” house of worship.

My experience was more than I expected.

As the hot Jackson sun beamed down on my face, I made my way across the street to the medium sized brick building that was New Horizon Church. The group appeared eager to be there, and we all seemed rather enthusiastic about it.

Like I said, this was my first experience in an all black congregation and I’ll be honest that I felt a bit out of place knowing I was a minority. While there were 11 of us who would have been considered “minorities,” (I knew I wasn’t alone) still something felt a bit uncomfortable. I suppose it was because I didn’t know what to expect. I had a large mesh of stereotypes protruding my uneducated cranium as I neared the doors of the church.

My head raced with questions as I entered the building. Right away I was greeted by several people, both greeters and “non-greeters” alike, welcoming me to their church. They appeared genuinely excited that I was visiting their church and they didn’t seem at all suspicious that a group of white people were there to worship with them. The rush that captivated my body was intoxicating and I couldn’t really explain it. It was like I had this intense feeling that I was home. It felt like I was in a safe environment where people genuinely loved me and cared for me. I was thrown off by how passionate, loving, authentic, and radical the congregation was. The color of their skin never once occurred to me. My heart seemed to pound with Joy as I saw genuine praise to God being lifted up.

I figure a lot more could be said about the service, but I want focus on one particular aspect.

Love.

From the minute I walked into New Horizon Church, I felt a real sense of genuine love and concern that abided within each of the congregants. The atmosphere in the room was thick with emotion, love, and The Spirit. This feeling is something I didn’t get from the “white church.” It seems that these people had a deeper connection with reality than what I am used to seeing in the church.

It makes me wonder about cultural, racial, and class issues within the suburban American “white” church. It seems like white American Christians are really reserved and up tight, especially when it comes to church. We don’t want people to know about our problems and we want people to think we’re doing alright when on the inside, that’s not really the case.

Down south it’s different. Down south, everyone appears to act like their family. People are genuinely concerned about each other, and people are united as the body of Christ. The group was even invited home for lunch, or at least that’s what I heard. You wouldn’t see that in the white parts of America.

We white folk seem to want our own personal space. We want to see a personal Jesus divorced from the rest of the Body of Christ. I think that the people can learn a lot from southern black communities of Faith. I think we need to look past our racial and class barriers and wake up to what we can learn from each other.

Enough is enough…time to face the truth. this is my life part 5

2008-04-06T01:42:00.000-07:00

This is probably one of the hardest blogs I will ever write. Of all of them, this one probably hits the closest to home. This blog is really 15-17 years in the making, because it involves the most intimate parts of my relationship with my family. However, it comes with a current context.

Let me put a few things in perspective. This summer I am hoping to take 2 online courses (English 204 – fulfills advanced writing requirement, MUS101- fulfills Fine Arts requirement) that will significantly lighten my load here at Multnomah. I was advised by several individuals and faculty members to take both these courses online over the summer. The problem is it costs 2000 dollars, and I don’t have that kind of money. Now, to put this in perspective, my parents are running low on income because my families medical and utilities bill went up a mere 47% in the last 4-5 months, no doubt its because of this war recession this country is in. So, my family is almost flat broke. Also, I am planning to go on this missions trip to Mississippi for a week after school gets out that is going to cost around $700. I need 2700 dollars for the summer for school. I have no way of getting a job and I already applied on campus and all the positions were filled. I am flat broke as well. In short, I am going to need to rely on God for those 2700 dollars to get me through school and this trip and the summer. One of the main reasons I want to go on this mission trip is not just for the experience but for ministry credit as well.

Last night around 8PM I called home to tell my parents to email some addresses so I could send out support letters for this mission trip. What ended up happening a stern lecture from my parents about how they don’t have any money for school or support (I could get SOME money from FAFSA, but not enough to cover entire cost.)

My older brother Nate is getting married in the middle of July and my family and I are coming to Portland for the wedding this summer. Because of wedding expenses and the high cost of living now threatening my family, our finances are a wreck!

As the Lord would have it, last night we had a community praise/worship and prayer thing on campus last night for about 3 hours or so. The idea was to focus on praising God through all things, but what really convicted me wasn’t so much about my need of praising God, but my need for dependence on God.

This is the first time in my life that I’ve really felt a sure strong dependence entirely on God’s grace in my life solely on my own. In the past, I’ve of course had a dependence on God, but what it depended on was the conforming of my character to the likeness of Christ. This is the first time were my very life and future depends on MY dependence on the Lord.

Here’s the kicker.

I don’t deserve God’s grace and the blessing of the money I need.

Why?

See, for as far as I can really remember, my brother and I have had a completely non-existent relationship. Prior to spring break, the last time I had talked to him was June 1, 2007 I believe. Nearly 8 months ago. Even during Spring Break, we didn’t have personal conversations, but said things in passing VERY briefly. I have pretty much ex-communicated my brother from my life and have selfishly and subconsciously decided that our relationship is irreconcilable in a lot of ways.

Something that began as simple sibling rivalry when we were kids turned into a strong resentment for the other when we got older. We are both equally guilty with equal amounts of blood on our hands. I’ve even recalled dreams that I have had at night where my brother died and I didn’t really feel much discomfort or grief or sadness over his death. For most of my life I’ve wanted to get away from him and being my own person. In some ways it’s like I grew up in his shadow, and in other ways it’s like he grew up in my shadow. I’ve said so many harsh, hate-filled, words that in reality it seems to be no surprise that we’ve grown so distant.

THAT’S NOT RIGHT! WITHOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP, I HAVE NOTHING. I HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE OTHER THAN MY DEPENDCE ON GOD MATTERS BUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FAMILY THAT GOD HAS GIVEN ME!

Friends and education and money and classes and ministry, all this stuff is really secondary to the family God has given me.

My brother and I disagree on a lot of things concerning our worldviews, but that shouldn’t drive us further apart. If anything, it should make us want to come closer to learn about each other’s journeys. But nevertheless, he has become distant me and I from him.

My relationship with his fiance’ is great and I think she’s a great girl and I love her a lot. I really felt convicted last night that if I am to ask God to provide for me, I need to be sure that I’m not hiding anything from Him, because why would God chose to bless me if I’m not honest with Him. My relationship with my family and my brother is far more important than education or a mission trip experience. God has no right to bless me if I cannot forgive the sin of my own brother (Matt. 5:23-24; 6:15.) Scripture says that God’s love holds no record of sin (1 Cor. 13:4) and by not reconciling things with my brother I am certainly holding a record of sin.

I have decided that enough is enough! I want to truly reconcile our relationship (or in some ways, begin to build it) and apologize for the way I’ve treated him over the years because I am as guilty as he is when it comes to being disconnected, willfully choosing not to associate with him. Our differences don’t matter, because as part of the body of Christ we are both redeemed and free.

Jesus died to reconcile all things to himself and he desires to redeem every part of this broken world…through his blood shed he is reconciling and saving us from our sin and our brokenness; our brokenness with each other, creation, and Him. God’s gift of eternal life is holistic. God invites us to be a part of his redeeming gospel of hope for the world, and by holding by a grudge against my family I am not being a part of that redemption. God is looking for people who will be the Eucharist to the world, people who will break themselves open and pour themselves out for the redemption of the world. I cannot change the world if I first do not change myself.

My favorite passage of scripture is John 10:27 where Jesus confronts the skeptics on his claim of being the Christ. He clearly says “My sheep listen to my voice, I know them, and they follow me.” If I am hostile and hating and unforgiving toward my brother, am I living a life worthy of being called one of his sheep? I don’t think so. I am no better than the rich man who demanded favor from Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31).

Jesus wants to save me from my sins and my mistakes regarding my relationship with my brother, and that is a gift of salvation that I have not yet accepted. I realize that by not accepting this part of God’s redemptive story, I am essentially saying I don’t want any part in what God is doing in this world.

I need to offer confession, repentance, forgiveness, and grace to my brother. That is what Jesus did. I need to break myself and pour myself out for the sake of our relationship. Only then can I be free to accept God’s blessing.

With that, I would like to ask you all for prayer. Pray that I have the courage and the strength to be gracious with my brother and to not be hostile towards him and to be patient and embracing and to be like Jesus to him. I need prayer that God will provide reconciliation between us and my family and that He will graciously provide way for me to pay for summer school, because I need God now more than ever before. Regardless of my summer situation, pray that my relationship with my brother is redeemed and reconciled.

grace and peace to you,

jeremy

The Great "emergence"!

2008-03-29T16:25:00.000-07:00

I just found this post at Andrew Jones' blog and I'm starting to wonder if the emerging conversation will soon morph into a "Purpose-Driven" empire for the 21st century of young people:

The Great Mergence

Emergent
AGmergent
Convergent
Submergent
Baptimergent
Anglimergent
Luthermergent
Reformergent
Methomergent
Presbymergent
Cathlimergent?
Fundamergent?
Neveremergent?
Shuttheheckupaboutemergent?

The last thing we need is another Christian capitalistic empire to suck in all the young "evangelicals" and divert them from what's really happening in this country. If such an atrocity happens, then the emerging conversation, or Emergent more likely, has become the very thing it dared not to be from the beginning. There's already a movement of "Emerging women", next all we need is "emerging youth, men, children, seniors, etc," and viola, we have a new form of a Christian consumer empire for the new generation, it's just subconscious.

Something like this makes you wonder if Emergent has already gone into the stages of a consumer driven empire because such a response like this means that Emergent is having a different kind of effect on Christians then what was expected. Being "emerging" is the hip cool new thing to be **having flashbacks of Purpose-Driven era!** and it has become a catch phrase within Christianity. When people hear the word "emerging" I have a feeling they think cathedral-esque church with candles and low romantic type lighting with art hanging around as Sigur Ros or The Album Leaf plays as people come to sit with an "stage"/alter that’s at the same level as they are. In the back you have fair trade coffee and tea. Simple overhead screens show projections from a Mac Book of artsy images meant to enhance our worship experience. We come to a discussion about some biblical theme or watch a teaching film and talk after words. This atmosphere is very soothing to the tastes of a younger generation and suits THERE NEEDS. What we have is nothing more than a re-visit to the consumer driven society we so despised. We're just consuming different things.

In reality, the use of candles and indie music with coffee and low lights are not what makes something "emerging." They are simply instruments of tradition that may help us connect with the deeper reality. The DEEPER REALITY of it focuses on being missionally minded Christ-followers in this postmodern era when people are more skeptical of everything they see, smell, touch, hear, etc. Realizing a world in need of authentic, loving communities who offers real help besides just how to get to Heaven when we die. Responding to social justice in a real way of active involvement rather than giving our $5 to Compassion each month. Focus on the embracing the gospel as the holistic means of God restoring and redeeming all of his creation (not just human souls) to himself via the crucifixion on the cross.

It seems that a lot of "evangelicals" who are embracing the emerging conversation appear to be more concerned with "how" things are done rather than "why" they are being done. "This is cool, let's do this." Sitting in a living room drinking coffee talking about how to reach out to gay people is not the embrace of this "emerging" conversation. Going and engaging in dialog with homosexuals and listening to their stories for the sake of showing them the love of Jesus seems to be more adequate, because it involves DOING SOMETHING. If coffee and candles are what makes us different then we've done nothing to make a real difference except change our appearance. If living simpler, giving more, spending less, and loving the marginalized, oppressed, and broken hurting parts of hell on earth are what make us different, then we've done something.

I pray that this emerging conversation remains focused on practicing what is preached rather than finding new ways to preach! I pray it continues to wrestle with the tough questions of this world and how God's truth applies to it. I pray that the ambiguousness that is "emerging" continues to stay on the front line of what God is doing in our world.

a slightly demented view of easter

2008-03-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

NOTE: I AM NOT THE AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG....THE ORIGINAL POST CAN BE FOUND AT http://emergingashlie.vox.com/library/post/a-slightly-demented-view-of-easter.html

by xAshliex

In honor of Easter, I'd like to bring out 2 guests: Jesus Christ and The Easter Bunny!

me: hi there, mr. bunny and my Savior!
Jesus: hello, my child.
bunny: *wrinkles nose*
me: right...so, lets start this interview!
Jesus: ask my child, and it will be given to you..knock, and it will be opened.
me:sweet! so Jesus, what is the real meaning of easter?
Jesus: Well, one day, two of my fathers creations messed up. now, i'm not naming names *COUGHADAMANDEVECOUGH* but, this really messed up things in the universe. So, I came to this Earth to get humans back in connection with God. Tragically, it meant I had to die....*Jesus looks forlorn*
me: Dude, that sucks.
bunny: I like chocolate.
Jesus: NO! It gets better!! *Jesus gets all excited*
me: WHAT? HOW?!! You died! What more is there?
Jesus: I raised from the dead.
me: Now..why would you go and do that?
Jesus: Because, my death takes away your sins, but ultimately, my raising frees you from them. I loved you, and all of creation enough to come back to you. To prove that my spirit and love will never leave you. By coming back, I have made it clear you are to do the same thing to everyone else. You must die to your pride, and come back and serve them. Free them and free your guilt.
me: wow..thats heavy.
Jesus: not really, it's pretty simple. humans just like to complicate this stuff.
me: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! YOU'RE THE MESSIAH. OF COURSE IT'S EASY FOR YOU!
Jesus: Okay, now there is no reason for you to get testy with me young lady. I was the one who was a poor carpenter in the middle of the desert in 100 degree weather, remember? Oh, and I was born in a trough. Have you ever been crucified? No, I think not. I mean, really...can a Savior get a holla?
bunny: HOLLA!
me: okay, seriously bunny...why are you even here?
bunny: listen, someone said to show up here for some free carrots. you got free carrots?
me: yeah, they're in the fridge..but hurry. my readers have ADHD and I need to make a point, hopefully.
*bunny scampers off*
Jesus: see, my child? it really is just about loving others and loving God. you guys get all hung up on buzzwords, and whether you got to be a Calvinist or not, just...absolutely mindless stuff. I don't care that you talk about it, but do you need to argue about it?
me: you got a point there. I mean, those God Hates Fags' people make me want to shoot my brains out.
Jesus: Christ. Seriously, that's totally not my fault.
me: The Inquisition?
Jesus: Actually, that was Gabriel. We tried to tell him no, that it was a prank that would go wrong, but he wouldn't listen.
me: Angelina Jolie?
Jesus: THAT was my fault.

In essence, we need to look at the egg. A symbol for new life, it gives us hope for a new transformation. It lets us believe that we can rise above our past mistakes, and the errors of our past generations. It makes it possible to live for tomorrow. We have the choice to live for others, should we accept it. Not out of insecurity, but confidently in Christ's love. This Easter, while we eat dinner, lets pick up a new attitude. Lets reframe our existence. When we hold each others hands during grace, lets hold each others hearts. Make this season an opprotunity not only to accept the bulimic, but love the homosexual, care for the homeless, help the murderer and shelter the abused.

What matters is not the sacreligiousness, or the dogma, but how controversially one must speak in order to drive people to thoughtful reaction.

How will you react to the controversy Christ shows us through the egg?

something to think about....

Concerning Mark Driscoll on Rob Bell and Emergent Village

2008-03-15T04:48:00.000-07:00

Recently there has been a load of commentary about Mark Driscoll’s recent sermon surrounding the Emerging church movement. Before I go any further, I will say that I respect Driscoll greatly and agree with him on a lot theological topics. The man is a brilliant thinker, communicator, is hella funny, and a great Pastor. I think Mars Hill is a great church doing the work of God and is blessing the city of Seattle. This is not meant to personally bash Mark Driscoll or Mars Hill Church.

Driscoll began with his history of how he became a Christ follower and how when he was 25 (around 1998 or so), he was asked by Leadership Network to be a part of a church and the cultural postmodern shift. This became what was known then as the Young Leaders Network and the catch phrase "emerging church" became the prominent (coined by Dan Kimbal) term for which their churches and (church models) were defined and the "emerging conversation" was the dialogue in which these individuals were a part of. Pastor named Doug Pagitt was selected to lead this team of young leaders as they wrestled with what it meant to be the church in postmodern culture. The team was heavily influenced by the late Missiologist Leslie Newbegin his thoughts on what it meant to be a "missional community" in the postmodern era. Along with Mark were a few men such as Dan Kimball, Chris Seay, and Andrew Jones. Months later, Pagitt brought in Tony Jones and Brian McLaren to help lead this team of young men. To make a long story short, Mark eventually distanced himself from this group, because had some growing theological disagreements with them that he felt were "non-negotiable" issues and because he was in the middle of starting Mars Hill Church in Seattle as well as having a wife who was pregnant with their first son. This team of pastors morphed into what was known briefly as the TerraNova project which included theologians such as Dr. Lenoard Sweet and Dr. Stanley Grenz. TerraNova soon morphed into what is now known as Emergent Village. Where Mark parted ways with these men was the "conversation" shifted from "how do we do church in the 21st century?" to questioning particular doctrines of orthodox Christianity such the substitutionary atonement of cross, the authority and inspiration of the Bible, the exclusivity of Jesus, the virgin birth, etc by Doug Pagitt and Brian McLaren.

It should be noted that Mark says that at a young age he considered himself to be very stubborn, selfish, and impatient. He notes very clearly that he dearly loves McLaren, Pagitt as well as the rest of the original team of pastors. They have not personally harmed him or sinned against him in anyway and he still considers them friends.

After this brief emerging church history lesson, Mark then proceeds to take particular classifications of the Emerging church from missiologist Dr. Edward Stetzer in which he uses two, the relevants and the revisionists. Mark concludes that the relevants are individuals who are basically evangelical in when it comes to doctrine and theology but are concerned about reaching a new generation of emerging postmodern minded individuals. "Relevants", Mark considers, are people he such as Donald Miller, Dan Kimball, Rick McKinley, and Chris Seay (to name a few). He shares stories about individual encounters with these folks and to the best of his knowledge, he considers them basically evangelical in their theology. Mark then quickly shifts over to the Revisionist stream, are often connected with or a part of (but not limited to) the organization known as Emergent Village. The revisionist stream, while also passionate reaching a younger generation, also appears to call into question key doctrines of orthodox Christianity, something which Mark finds dangerous. Mark claims that there are three individuals most commonly influential within the Revisionist stream are Brian McLaren, Doug Pagitt, and Rob Bell. Mark then continues to deconstruct and debunk the "toxic theology" of these three individuals and considers their teachings dangerous and unorthodox.

Concerning McLaren and Pagitt, I will give Mark the benefit of the doubt when calling these two out because Mark knows them personally and has interacted in personal dialogue with them. However, when it comes to Rob Bell, Mark has no NO such interaction. Mark admits that he has never met Rob Bell personally and has never talked with him. My problem with Mark’s lecture/sermon is that I believe he greatly misquotes and misrepresents Rob Bell’s teaching, theology, and doctrinal beliefs. My critique is that Mark just casually ASSUMES that Rob Bell is a part of the Emergent "Revisionist" stream because at one point Brian McLaren preached at Rob’s church (Mars Hill Bible Church. Driscoll and Bell’s churches often get mixed up. The two are not connected in anyway, shape, or form.) and In Mars Hill’s "recommended reading" section of which they use to engage covenant members with the mission and ideology that has influenced Mars Hill community, you will also find recommendation of Brian McLaren’s earlier works (A New Kind of Christian - A Generous Orthodoxy.) At one point, Doug Pagitt also spoke at Mars Hill, when Rob was apparently sick with bronchitis. Pagitt did was not apparently asked, but did Rob a favor by filing in for him for that day. There was no real agenda in Pagitt’s message, and it was simply, from what I can tell of it, a "fill-in" message for the community of Mars Hill. Pagitt’s relationship with Mars Hill comes from a slightly different angle that just being another pastor. Doug’s daughter’s fiancé, the names of whom are undisclosed, is a covenant member of Mars Hill Bible Church. While Doug and Rob share similar visions for social justice, community, and teaching the scriptures (to name a few), I can be sure of it that Rob Bell and Doug Pagitt would have some pretty differing theological disagreements.

Concerning Pagitt and McLaren, I cannot say that I agree with them on all of their theological concepts and ideologies, however I do not in and of myself find (as much as I have read of each) anything that is extremely unorthodox. In McLaren and Pagitt’s later works (The Secret Message of Jesus, Everything Must Change, An Emergent Manifesto of Hope, Listening to the Beliefs of Emerging Churches, etc), I find both men caving to a world of liberal theology. Regardless of my theological disagreements with them, I do not think it wise to throw out everything that McLaren or Doug Pagitt has ever said and I find a lot of McLaren and Pagitt’s insights to be helpful, refreshing, and hopeful.

Now, back with Rob Bell, I find it hard for Mark to make the conclusion that Rob Bell is some how a part of the Emergent stream of the emerging church. Rob Bell has never been part of nor associated with any of the constructs of Emergent Village. While he may have friends who are part of Emergent, that a lone cannot be the basis for writing him off as Emergent. Mark however seems to think that because Pagitt and McLaren have taught at Bell’s church, he must somehow be a part of Emergent. However, if that basis writes off Bell as Emergent, that apparently there are other individuals who must be considered Emergent as well. Dan Kimball, Rick McKinley, Donald Miller, and Chris Seay have ALL also taught at Mars Hill Bible Church and all consider themselves friends with Rob Bell. Furthermore, Dan Kimball and Chris Seay, two of the "evangelicals" that Mark mentions, are members of the Board of Directors for Emergent Village! Mark appears to be assuming that because of Pagitt and McLaren’s liberal theological influences within Emergent, then Emergent must be essentially limited to their beliefs.

Mark proceeds to call out Rob Bell on some of his theological statements in his book Velvet Elvis, particularly, his statement about the Virgin Birth of Jesus. Mark, I believe, greatly takes Rob’s words out of context. Mark’s essential paraphrase of Rob Bell essentially goes "Yeah, we can pull a few bricks out of the wall of theological doctrine, and it’s not gonna fall down. In fact, would we really loose anything if we got rid of the Virgin birth?" However, a clear read of this particular section of Velvet Elvis and one will find the latter statement to be quite a stretch of ideas. In Velvet Elvis, Rob literally says this:

What if tomorrow someone digs up definitive proof that Jesus had a real, earthly biological father named Larry, and archaeologists find Larry’s tomb and do DNA samples and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the virgin birth was really just a bit of mythologizing the Gospel writers threw in to appeal to the followers of the Mithra and Dionysian religious cults that we hugely popular at the time of Jesus, whose gods had virgin births? But what if you study the origin of the word Virgin you discover that the word virgin in the gospel of Matthew actually comes from the book of Isaiah, and then you find out that in the Hebrew language at that time, the word virgin could mean several things. And what if you find out discover that in the first century being "born of a virgin" also referred to a child whose mother became pregnant the first time she had intercourse?...

Could a person still love God? Could you still be a Christian? Is the Way of Jesus still the best possible way to live? Or does the whole thing fall apart?

I AFFIRM the historic Christian faith, which includes the virgin birth and the trinity and the inspiration of the Bible and much more. I’m a part of it, and I want to pass it on to the next generation. I believe God created everything and that Jesus is Lord and that God has plans to restore everything.

But what if the whole faith falls apart when we reexamine or rethink one spring (DOCTRINE) then it wasn’t really that strong in the first place, was it?

(Velvet Elvis, p. 27 Emphasis mine.)

Mark Driscoll claims that Rob Bell says after his discourse about the virgin birth, "would it really matter? Would we really lose anything? He goes on to say, now I believe in the virgin birth, I’m just saying we don’t need it." However, you can clearly see that Rob Bell makes no such claim to throw out the Virgin Birth nor does he objectively question it. Any literary critic can easily tell that Rob Bell is essentially using a HYPOTHETICAL argument to get us to think about our faith. Also, Rob never says we are to "throw out" doctrines, but ponder them, question and wrestle with them, and rethink them, for the sake of coming to affirmation about them. Nowhere in the text of Velvet Elvis does Rob Bell ever say we can throw out Orthodox doctrine. With the statements made by Driscoll, I come to doubt that he has even read Velvet Elvis in it’s entirety and given it some serious thought. To me it seems he simply read another individual’s response to this statement and agreed with them. In this, Mark Driscoll is essentially reading words into Rob Bells mouth (or pen, for that matter) that are not there. What a foolish way to offer critique!

Driscoll also calls into question Rob Bell’s essential analysis of doctrinal foundationalism. Bell essentially argues that doctrines in 20th century evangelicalism have function sort of like a brick wall. Each doctrine stacked onto the next, each one building upon the previous one, creating a brick wall and if one of these doctrines or bricks are even brought into question, all faith and doctrine and theology is lost. Rob Bell essentially says in Velvet Elvis:

"…we can take a spring out and examine it, discuss it, probe it, question it. It flexes and stretches.

In fact, it’s stretch and flex are what makes it so effective. It is FIRMLY attached to the FRAME and the mat, yet it has room to move…" (Velvet Elvis, p. 22, emphasis mine)

However, Driscoll states in his lecture "Now what he says is theology isn’t like a wall where there are many bricks, and if you take one out if falls down. Theology is like a trampoline and it’s flexible and it bends. And he’s arguing in that analogy for post-foundational theological presupposition. Yet, I’ve seen a trampoline. And what I’ve noticed is that it has a frame that sits upon a firm foundation of the earth. He tends to have over looked the obvious in the illustration." However, as you can see above, Rob Bell clearly states that the "spring" doctrines are FIRMLY attached to the frame of the trampoline. The point he is making is that if we aren’t open to respecting other views (flexible) and theology/doctrine and interpretations, being rigid and attached to our own view, then we become extremely biased. Rob Bell states in the book:

"What happens in brick world is that you spend a lot of time talking about how right you are. Which of course leads to how wrong everybody else is. Which then leads to defending the wall… I am far more interested in jumping than arguing who’s trampoline is better." (Velvet Elvis, p. 27)

Driscoll goes on to say what will inevitably happen if one objectionably rejects the virgin birth. Driscoll that Mary said she was a virgin (already assuming the word "virgin" meant one who has not had intercourse) and that if she was really a "lying whore" then that changes the story. Why would anyone believe the claims of the human son of a lying whore? Following, why believe the claims of Jesus brothers James and Jude? While what Driscoll is pointing to is in fact logically true, his argument and Rob Bells point in his hypothetical questioning of the virgin birth are two VERY different things. Rob Bell is stating all the while that if we have rigid theology and won’t ever listen to and invite people into our world and theology and explore with us, then we are really no better than the religious leaders of Jesus time. Driscoll is arguing that if claim that the virgin birth didn’t, we’ve got issues with Jesus’ future claims about himself. That is true, but that’s not Rob Bell’s point. Furthermore, Driscoll already assumes that God HAD to use the immaculate conception of Mary to give birth to Jesus. Did God HAVE to use the divine, immaculate conception of a virgin Mary? No, he’s God. He can do what he desires. However, he chose to divinely input Jesus to us by the way of a virgin, one who has not had intercourse. It’s clear that Rob Bell doesn’t deny the Virgin birth.

Driscoll than goes on to cite that Rob Bell and Brian McLaren both site Ken Wilbur’s (a Buddhist philosopher) book A Brief History of Everything as an influence in how they live their lives. However, in reality I believe Bell and McLaren are essentially just affirming truth in it’s time. Regardless that Ken Wilbur is a Buddhist philosopher, that does not mean that EVERYTHING he says is ultimately not true and unprofitable. The authors of scripture affirmed truth in any religious system, regardless of it’s apparent source. All truth is God’s truth. Regardless of the receiver, if it’s truth it belongs to God. All human beings have received general revelation from God, while not capable of Salvation, is still revelation from God. If it’s true it belongs to God.

As I listen to Driscoll’s disagreements with Rob Bell, I question why he feels he has the right (much less a convincing argument) to paint Rob Bell as a heretic. As he said in this lecture, he does not know Rob Bell and has never talked with him. As someone who has personally met Rob Bell and has listened to his teaching for the past 4 years and as a theology student here at Multnomah, I can honestly say that Rob Bell’s theology is nowhere near liberal and is completely Orthodox. I further doubt that Driscoll has ever listened to one of Rob Bell’s sermons or read any of this books. If Driscoll has read Velvet Elvis, then I discredit him for doing such a poor job at analyzing Rob’s statements in the book. It would be better stated "I disagree with some of Rob Bell’s statements." Regardless of Driscoll’s disagreements with Rob Bell, even if some are simply just theological differences, no one can’t not applaud Mark Driscoll for being such innovative, authentic, creative, and theologically sound teacher and pastor that he is. God is using both Mark Driscoll and Rob Bell (and Brian McLaren and Doug Pagitt for that matter) to advance his Kingdom as he brings about restoration to this broken creation.

grace and peace to you,
jeremy

the gods aren't angry

2007-11-18T23:45:00.000-08:00

So, last week I got to see Rob Bell speak on the "the god's aren't angry" tour at the Roseland theatre here in Portland. It was amazing! Rob was right on the money, exegeting everything extremely well in context and tying everything together with illustrations and examples of how it all works.

For anyone who might not know, Rob Bell is the founding pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grandville, MI. He is also the featured speaker in the first series of short biblical teaching films called NOOMA. Rob has authored two books, both of which I think are incredible, Velvet Elvis and Sex God.

Rob's teaching has worked miracles in my life and made a profound change on the way I see things. It was in the summer of 2004 that Rob's teaching changed me through the NOOMA series (more on in the future!)

Rob's primary focus was about religiosity and how it was invented by humans to make themselves feel better. Essentially all truth is God's truth and all life is living and breathing God's name. Some of the first humans beings (post-fall and post-flood) began to recognize the different forces of nature and of life…the cycles of the sun, moon, and stars, the cycle of life. They began to realize that there are forces out there greater than themselves and began to name the different forces. The forces became gods who were up in the sky, separate from mankind.

When things would go bad, people assumed the gods were angry, and so recognizing that the gods, these unseen forces, were behind the cycles, they established a system of offerings (or sacrifices) to appease the gods, to satisfy them. They made an altar, a place to offer their sacrifices to these gods. How these sacrifices would work is, if you had a good crop, you made a sacrifice to give thanks. If you had a bad crop, you sacrificed in hopes you'd appease the anger and in turn, get a good return. If things were good, the gods must be happy… but if things were bad, something wasn't right. You needed to offer more. In reality it came about that you never knew where you stood with the gods. If you had an especially abundant harvest, you would offer more of a sacrifice because if you offered the gods the same amount of sacrifice but had the ability to offer more of a sacrifice; such an act of selfishness could anger the gods.

It was a vicious cycle that became deeply rooted in mankind. If things were good, you offered thanks. If things were bad, you offered a peace offering. If things were extra-good, you offered a larger portion as to not anger the gods. You never knew essentially where you stood with the gods because regardless of what happened, you had to offer sacrifice. So, it got extreme. When crops or animals weren't enough men began offering their own blood, their own children, and in some cases their manhood (not joking). In the book of Kings Chapter 17 you have the prophets of Baal cutting themselves and offering sacrifice. Nothing could satisfy… no sacrifice was good enough. You never knew were you stood with the gods.

Then Abraham came along and introduced a God who spoke to him. It was an actual God, speaking to men. And this God wasn't demanding of sacrifice – He was offering a promise and a blessing. It was revolutionary thinking, that a God would be involved in space in time, calling men into an actual relationship with Him. There is a back story to the story of Abraham were Abraham was instructed by YHWH to leave his father's household. Now, in eastern Jewish culture, "leaving your father's household" was not just packing up and leaving home. Leaving your father's household meant that you would essentially leave you're ENTIRE up bringing and belief system of your family or father.

The God of Abraham introduced a whole new sacrificial system…there were offerings, your sacrifices for forgiveness of sin, but even sacrifices to bring peace between yourself God, and yourself and others.

YHWH essentially transcends everything other god's "did." The stars were considered a god, and yet YHWH goes and uses it as an illustration to show how Abraham will have numerous offspring. YHWH uses the dust of the ground to illustrate how his offspring will multiply, and in everyone else's mind, this seemed odd. The gods were in all and through all. The gods would NEVER communicate with humans. There were not transcendent and would not embrace humanity. And yet here comes this one true God who completely goes against the grain of things and breaks every norm in which the people knew. And here comes this one God who is true and uses the others as "props" to make a point. This concept of a God communicating is a totally new concept unknown to anyone at the time. It's a complete paradigm shift.

Fast forward a few thousand years, and a Jewish Rabbi named Jesus come around and does the exact same thing to the current system of belief and understanding in the culture at that time. Jesus was said by many orthodox Jews to be the answer to a covenant that God made with is people of Israel thousands of years earlier (The Davidic Covenant). Matthew 21 tells of Jesus turning over the temple gates and driving out the merchants and thieves. He went into the Temple, into the very place where people were making their offerings, and said, "I'm here. I'm greater than the Temple. You can tear me down, and I'll rebuild it in 3 days…" as John referred to as his body being destroyed and raised again in 3 days. Jesus is trumping the system again! He sacrifices himself for our sins and our misleading. He, in essence, said that there's a greater way to know God than through ritual or sacrifice (and it's me!). Christ's sacrifice, for us, so we don't have to pay homage to God (the substitutionary atonement of sins.)

Rob shared stories of people he's encountered in his ministry… a businessman who is a slave to work to prove his worth, to live up to the approval of his in-laws, wresting with the sense that he's not good enough. She was striving for validation, success, and approval. Then, he had encountered young girls who were cutting themselves as a way to escape pain or emotional trauma and to overcome words of hurt and negativity. In bringing up all of these he asked:
"Do we have the same old gods, and we've just given them different names?"

The prophets of Baal cut themselves nearly 3000 years ago as a way to appease the gods.

In Hebrews, the author talks about the sacrifice Christ made by giving His life, and how His life was the final sacrifice to reconcile God and mankind. He did away with the old system and ushered in the culmination of the ages so everyone could understand the ultimate reality (Salvation from sin)… that they could see God in a whole new way. God made peace through Christ with all things on heaven and earth. He changed everything for everybody.

Then Rob talked about the whole point of sacrifices. Did we (and do we) sacrifice because God needs something from us? According to Psalm 50, God isn't pleased with our sacrifices…in Micah it says God isn't pleased with 1,000 rams… the list could go on but the point is the sacrifices weren't for God, they were for us. We are thinking we need to earn God's love when in reality; he's standing right there with arms wide open (no Creed reference here!)

We have a hard time trusting good things, so sacrifice area a reminder and ritual that keeps us knowing that God wants to bless us and not ask us for more. There's never been an effective religious deed in all of humanity.

Rob then entertained the question, "what is repentance?" It's not "I repent and THEN God does THIS." That's RELIGION! Repenting is not bargaining. God made peace with all things. He's already done it. Repentance is acknowledging what God has done and living differently because of it. What comes with that acknowledgement? The realization that we are sinners and that God is offering us a life that is better than anything we can give ourselves. God offers us grace, but it must be received (Receiving Christ as Savior.) The gospel is the good news that God hasn't given up on creation, that the tomb is empty and that a resurrection of souls is taking place.

The 'altar' was done with Jesus, but there's one more sacrifice we need to make… ourselves. We need to live our entire lives in thankfulness to God for what He's done. We need to put flesh and blood on it for others – we need to share it. We need to live the peace we've experienced and known.

Rob then shared a few more stories…. There was an Orthodox priest who went to investigate a woman who had been seeing visions of Jesus. He told the woman, the next time she saw Jesus, to ask him what sins he had committed. The priest went back a week later after hearing again that she had seen Jesus, he asked her "did you ask Jesus what sins I had committed this week?" "Yes" she replied…and the woman told him that Jesus answer was, "I don't remember."

He told a story of a woman who had been violently disfigured in an accident and her husband, when seeing her mangled face for the first time, kissed her and said, "I like it." Telling a girl who had brought shame to her family, "You don't embarrass me." That's Christ, that's the nature of God. He doesn't remember. He likes you. He doesn't hate you. The very air we breathe is His love for us. We have no need to impress, give more, improve, or perform. We don't have to live the like that. He came. The sacrifice has been made. At the culmination of the ages, Christ stands… and God isn't angry. God is love.

Rob shared a story from his personal life where he was pretty much burned out with being a pastor and was running himself ramped, trying to please everyone. These things had become his gods. Rob was sharing this with a friend several years ago and that friends simply look at Rob straight in the eye and repeated this simple phrase over and over until Rob finally realized it for himself.

You don't have to live like this.
You don't have to live like this.
You don't have to live like this.
You don't have to live like this.
You don't have to live like this…

Rob ended with a benediction that I am trying to make real in my life everyday now… "May you come to see the Christ, who shed his blood for you at the cross; who conquered sin and death and because of that God isn't angry. May you embrace the risen Christ who is LOVE."

This really has profound implications on my life as it stands right now…I've suffered from depression (and at one point self-injury, but not anymore) and have really wrestled with what it means to trust Jesus. I've had doubts, fears, questions, baggage, and pain. It's showed in the form of blood, tears, anger, silence, music, poems, and even blogs. As I live this journey called life I am seeking to embrace the mystery that is Jesus Christ in me. I am in need of a savior every day I awake, and often times I walk around thinking that I must better myself for God's kingdom…that who I am isn't good enough. I have people on campus that I want to emulate in love and compassion and kindness and grace and I feel like I'm sinning for not having those particular qualities as strong as they do, as if they're better than me.

It's hard for me to realize that Christ works in everyone's life individually in different time frames and that everyone is different. I've come from a somewhat disgruntled background and my personality shows of it. I appear to harbor anger and regret for works of injustice done against me that I feel I need to let go. I need to breathe them out in a sigh of relief. I essentially think God as angry, in the sense that I'm not good enough for him. Each day I must strive to tell myself "I don't have to live like this", coming to grips with the true son of God who took my guilt on that cross so that I don't have to live like this."

peace and love be with you,
jeremy

broken, unsure, false, and insecure

2007-11-09T02:31:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I’ve written anything in nearly 6 months...Multnomah has taken up a lot of time. The first half of the semester is over and I’m now able to work on some writing. This is really just a springboard for me to get back into the blog world as I have been in hiding for so long.

I’ve had some serious down falls in my life these past few months. Stuff that I have kept at bay and haven’t really let out. Now, you may be asking yourself “what hasn’t been let out?” because in the last few blogs I’ve been to open and honest and real with everything in my life that it seems like I’m an open book person. But alas, I still have many secrets and skeletons that grace the space behind the door of my closet.

I’ve had a lot of questions concerning the legitimacy of some relationships (note the “some”, not ALL.) I’ve gone to bed almost every night with a emotional pain inside of me, desiring truth and authenticity and grace and acceptance. I’ve had several questions about the reality of life, God, and the future. I’ll give a real reason why. First all, as most know, I’ve had to deal with A LOT of negative criticism and self-loathing over the years growing up. I still do deal with a lot of self-loathing and a desire to be more (or different, really.)

Sometimes I wonder what people really do think about me, because they’re actions seem to show some things. For example, recently a group of close friends here at school (one who is a VERY good friend of mine; some who are new students who I am not close with) decided to play a practical joke on me for an entire month. They somehow got the idea to make me think a particular individual was of a particular persuasion. So, for an entire month, they decided to screw with me. I of course fell right into the trap because the individual who was the pinnacle of the joke was someone I had only known for about a month or so. I had no reason to think otherwise, because I didn’t know the person very well. What other conclusion was I to come to? I barely knew this person. Come to find out a month later nearly 10 people were involved with this stupid prank they played on me, and they were finding joy and entertainment in my insecurity and ignorance. For a while I tried to shrug it off but I just haven’t been able to. In reality, it hurt. It cut deep because some of the people involved were my very close friends from school, and I thought they’d never act so foolishly with me. I feel like they pretty much decided that I was so insecure and unstable that I should be screwed with because they knew I’d believe this lie. How pathetic! What really hurts isn’t so much how or what they did, but the fact that they did it to me. Sometimes I wonder if people don’t understand that I’m a deeply emotionally scarred person who’s tired of having people be fake. I know that some people clearly didn’t know how emotionally insecure I can be, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. What hurts is the fact that they decide to screw with me, for a whole month. Was it a joke? Yes. Was it clever? Sure. Was it funny? I would probably laugh at it if it wasn‘t on me. I’ll give it to them that. It was creative and well structured, well planned and well orchestrated. But I cannot begin to wrap my mind around the idea of why they chose me, one of the most emotionally unstable people around, to mess with. I’ve tried letting it go, but I can’t let it go, because it now throws the legitimacy of friendships I’ve had into question. It’s brought back a lot of painful memories from my past unfortunately. It was hard to watch friends laugh at my ignorance. I tried to shrug it off but it’s stuck with me too long for some reason. Why is it always me that people have to find their comical pleasure in? Why is it always my emotions and faults that people find entertainment in? Can I take a joke? sure I can. Is it all in clean fun? sure. But what does that do to someone’s esteem when people always do it to one person. I try not to let things bother me, but in the long run I think that if something is drawn out than it will bother me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m like this little pawn that can be pulled around on a string like a puppet for the pleasure of people. I want people to take me seriously and have real respect. I’ve been screwed with a lot and I want to be able to live life with it. I feel like people need to acknowledge that we aren’t all perfect. We all have struggles, problems, questions, emotions, and we need to feel comfortable in our own skin. In the words of Byron Kehler, we are more alike than we are different. And if people realize that we all aren’t perfect, then we need to start talking about it and bringing it out in the open. We cannot grow in isolation. We were made for community.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotional pain lately. Ben Thomas talked about living in community and being real and authentic with people at Multnomah during our all dorm meeting. He talked about being authentic and genuine about our brokenness. I’m an extremely broken person, and I haven’t been made whole yet. I will not be made whole until the day of Christ’s return. I realize that people are different and that we all have feelings, but I don’t understand why we feel we have to mask ourselves so well from others. Are we too afraid to be real with people?

What would happen if we went around being real with people to the point were we saw so much how broken we are that our cultural and personal and theological biases began to break down and we began to be a real community of people who love each other too much to let us fall and be hurt. What if we began to live as a body of Christ followers holding each other up in a communal fashion so that when we fall we won’t hit the bottom? I think that would bring about a lot of respect in the long run. I’m not saying we go around being jerks by telling them how much we disagree with them or that we reveal the deepest parts of our lives to EVERYONE, but I’m talking about not being afraid to speak your mind in an open fashion and not being afraid you’ll be ridiculed for it. To be able to trust and know that we are loved and valued and respected. I realize that confidentiality is a big part of being real because some things are way to personal for others to understand. But what if we were to live with no more skeleton’s in our closets? We have a strong desire to be right in this world, but I think we need to focus more on the fact that no one is right except Jesus. If we could do that, then would we see how much our universal need for Jesus is and then extend the love we have for each other to others? I think it’s something to think about. I know I could strongly benefit from a community like that.

Now, I’m not saying that the current community is bad. That’s definitely not the case. But I just think it could be so much better. So much more authentic. So much more decentralized and more communally focused. I think we could always strive to live for Christ NOW, better, stronger, livelier, and more aware.

learning to live, laugh, and love

2007-10-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

this is my reflection paper from my Experiental Learning class at Multnomah. The class focuses on how we learn experientally and how to teach experientally, focusing more on human emotions and narrative stories rather than systematic exposition , conversation rather than lecture, engagement rather than disengagement. Paul Elmore and Byron Kehler facilitated the weekend at Agape Youth and Family Ministries Challenge Course in Mt. Hood, Oregon (near Gresham). It was a wonderful time of reflection, emotional recharge, heart break, and self discovery. I am posting this here because I want to let myself be seen. To expose who I really am and who I really desire to be.

The learning lab retreat weekend was, in my own words, the best heart break I’ve had in a long time. This weekend will definitely be one to remember as I have seen sides of my story come out of me that I never thought I’d let out. I always wanted to keep them cooped up inside, only sharing it with a select few people whom I “trusted.” Over the weekend it quickly became apparent that no one cared what baggage anyone had brought with them. All the pain, anxiety, questions, biases, and bitterness, no one cared about those things. We all wanted to be in a community of love and respect and grace. It was probably the most refreshing feeling I’ve ever witnessed.

Going into the weekend, I had some expectations of getting to know myself better. I wanted to be able to open myself up and to let people know what was really going on inside of me. Part of that happened when Paul asked the question “what are you bringing into the room?” What was it that we had preconceived ideas about that we wanted to shed? Friday night, Paul talked about realizing that we all live in a box. That box is our comfort zone, were we feel safe. Outside of the box is what feels uncomfortable. Where we feel vulnerable, it’s where we feel unhappy and where we feel exposed. It set the precedent to the weekend. I’ll admit that I had a serious issue of fear of failure, rejection, self image, and anxiety. I was afraid of failing someone. I was afraid of offending someone. I was afraid of hurting someone’s feelings and not knowing it, and hence people start to dislike me because of it. Through years of painful turmoil, brokenness, question, health issues, and anxiety I have never been able to really flex my own muscles. My mind has been conditioned to believe the untrue. 6 years of destruction defense mechanisms have been trying and taxing
I also have a fear of life. I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to survive on my own when there is no longer a community of people to surround me and support me. It seems like I cast a lot of care on other people, but that I don’t really trust myself a lot of the time. It’s a process I was hoping to work though during the weekend.

As the weekend began, I started to see where my faults lie and where I believed a lie. During the Multi-ropes course, my team that I was on didn’t make it across the line, and for a while I ultimately felt that it was my fault because I have neuromuscular disease and I felt that that had ultimately let them down. I was afraid of failure, because I have “seen” it so much in my own life. I have been told that I have failed people or that I will ultimately be a failure in life because of my own actions. Words have been uttered that were harsh, painful, destructive, and scarring.

It wasn’t until later that I began to really see inside of me. During the spider web, we essentially had to trust everyone to get us across the web safely and securely without touching the web. For me, trusting everyone to do that wasn’t that difficult, however when the topic of me trusting myself came up, I wasn’t able to do it. I immediately asked people to help me through it, because I didn’t believe I could do it on my own. Paul got some stuff out of me! I started to think about my life and how many times I’ve been “carried” in life. If I think about it, I’ve been carried a lot of my life and not been able to stand on my own feet. I became dependent on my parents to get me through stuff or to fix my problems and I need to step out of my box and feel around and try things out. To wrestle, question, think, and to flex my springs. It’s uncomfortable.

One of the biggest challenges was the buddy walk. We essentially leaned on each other, supporting our weight on each other and using the flex off two cables to move down the cables. What it turned into was a true learning experience. We essentially had to trust ourselves in order to succeed at it. I almost broke down because I have never had anyone lean on me. It’s a hurtful process because I don’t understand why. I have a lot of questions that I don’t really understand. People don’t trust me, understand me, try to correct me, or think I’m just wrong or an idiot. Part of that comes from messages I’ve been sent over the years. I’ve been conditioned to think that it’s my fault, when in reality, its peoples other problems and their real insecurities. Paul mentioned Friday night that in reality, we treat people the way we want them to treat us. We don’t ever really cater to people’s needs as much as we think we do. The reason why is that we all have personal intentions and ideas, so we tend to focus on those almost subconsciously and don’t really focus on the issues at hand.

That makes me wonder, are people treating me with genuine respect or do we are they trying to “win me over” to their “side” of things, as if to be a counterforce or something like that. I wonder what it would be like if I ever brought that to someone? “What if I told you that you’re really treating me the way you want me to treat you and are trying to cater to your own needs instead of mine.” they wouldn’t know what hit them. What happens when I start being real with people. What happens when I really do speak my mind and not just say some stuff to get on with the conversation. “How are you doing?” “Good.” In reality I’m thinking “I’m actually doing horrible, but I don’t want to share that with you because I don’t trust you, so I’m going to say I’m doing good in order to get this over with so I can go on with my day.” It’s hard to connect with people that way. In theory, am I not the one worth trusting or is this all just a big fluke in my mind. Who’s right and who’s wrong?

Sunday morning really began to prove that for me. It was the cat walk. I was suspended 25 feet in the air and pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I shared with the group about how I’ve been conditioned to think I’m an idiot and not worth loving and completely incompetent. I know that’s not the truth, but in reality people tend to over spiritualize stuff and say really meaningless stuff like “god accepts you.” yes, that is true, but that doesn’t fix the problem at hand. That doesn’t change the fact that I still feel like crap.

After that, I went up on the log and I began to step out in faith. The log really allowed me to put away a lot of those negative messages and it forced me to trust myself. I felt a huge burden because I kept wondering what people would see or think. Logan was facilitating, and he did a really good job at it too. I started to wonder, what happens when we realize we’re really afraid of something else? I remember one person was up there and Logan asked what he/she was afraid of. “What are you afraid of? Do you trust that the person belaying you will keep you safe? Do you trust that the rope will catch you if you fall? Do you trust that no one here will judge you if you do fall and that everyone accepts who you are?” “Yes.” “so than what are you really afraid of?” “I’m afraid I’m not good enough. I’m afraid I’m a failure. And I’m afraid to face the failure because of other’s perceptions of me.”

The weekend made me really wonder about things. I admit that I am afraid of people. I’m constantly judging what I say and if people are going to like me or question me or if I’m being a total jerk or not. It’s just seems to be a part of me in some sense. Is that what I’m really afraid of? Sure. I’m afraid of people. I don’t want to answer questions; I don’t want to talk with people because I’m afraid I might say something stupid, or “inappropriate” or hurtful or conceited. A lot of times, I think I come across really cocky, smart assed, and ignorant. It’s something I need to get rid of, but I don’t know how to do it. I wish I could just lay it down and never pick it up again. It hurts.

What happens when we begin to open ourselves up to the people around us? It feels uncomfortable, and it also feels freeing at some point. There’s a part of me that brings up the question of integrity. Are there any dangers to letting ourselves be seen by everyone else? What are the risks involved? Is there a limit to where we should go and not go?
I think in all, I’ll remember the words of Paul when he said “we have to become comfortable with letting ourselves been seen.” When we become vulnerable, we let others see us for who we really are. I’m tired of painting a fake face. I’m tired of screwing with people just to get away from them. I’m tired of running away. I want to feel genuine love. I want people to accept love from me. I want to feel the way I am. That sense of vulnerability brings all those things to the surface and lets us question, cry, wonder, scream, and generally live life. I think that’s how we are meant to live. Dependence, trust, fear, questions, depression, anxiety, and pain are all things that we live in. To deny them would be a lie. To live in them would be truth, and to overcome them would be victory.

peace and love to you,
jeremy

this is my life...the photo blog

2007-08-14T01:42:00.000-07:00

this is the continuation of my first life story blog. I've decided to post photos of my birth and the tragic times in the hospital. you can read the first blog to get and idea if you haven't read that yet. it's called "this is my life." i was born, or arrived rather, on April 29th, 1986. 5 months early. i was originally due the 2nd week of August.

these are the fingers of my mother, and that is my hand, just days after i arrived.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/jeremy3.jpg

some have said this is looks like someone weeping over a loved one's casket...i can imagine it kind of looks like that, but certainly don't want it to resemble that. that is my mom.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/jeremy5.jpg

this is the incubator i was placed in in the intensive care unit at Kaiser hospital in Portland. i was in an incubator for about a month i think, not too sure.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/jeremy6.jpg

this is my dad holding me. i can't imagine what is going through his head at that moment. you can almost see it in his eyes.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/Dadholdingme.jpg

this is me after two weeks. my eyes had finally opened.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/jeremy1.jpg

i don't know who wrote this out, but i think it's pretty cool. those hand prints you see are mine. you should be able to read what the note says...Father's Day 1986.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/jeremynote.jpg

this was the first time i wore actual clothes. they were specialy made premie clothes.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/jeremy2.jpg

this is from the day i was finally able to leave the hospital, September 15, 1986. i had spent a total of 5 months in the hospital. 1 week later i went back to the hospital, suffering from pneumonia.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/BabycardSept.15.jpg

this is me with my mom after i had finally made it home for good.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/Momholdingme.jpg

i wonder what i'm looking at? does this look like me?
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/167.jpg

look, i am smiling! :)
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/melookinguhh.jpg

this is me with my grandmother and brother. i actually look healthy.
LINK: http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y235/bigtakeshi/166.jpg

just a little slower than most....this is my life story, part 3

2007-08-02T04:31:00.000-07:00

just a little slower than most…this is my life part story part iii.

This is the third installment of my life story, and quite possibly the one that is most current and relevant to my current situation.

All my life I’ve been slow. It has to do with being born pre-mature and almost dying. My brain and body developed the second half of it’s growth period outside of the womb and that of course caused potential problems for my cognitive and physical development. I didn’t develop at a normal pace because while other newborns while busy learning how to crawl and breast feed, I was in an Intensive Care Unit at the hospital, only weighing a few pounds (I weighed 12 pounds at 1 ½ years old!) and fighting to survive.

Now, growing up it was always that way. I didn’t go to pre-school until I was five years old. I didn’t learn how to ride a bike until I was about 8 or so. I didn’t know how to add or subtract until 2nd grade. I didn’t learn to read until I was 10 years old. I didn’t develop clear, legible handwriting until I was 12 or 13. And, Lord knows what else I achieved later than you’re average child. Because of my Muscular Dystrophy, I never took a liking to playing sports or much other physical activity (I apparently developed a love for music and the arts instead, I guess). Over the years of course, I learned to compensate and eventually ended up quite normal. My body and mind did develop, but differently. I believe my brain saw the weaknesses it possessed and compensated for the disabled parts. I grew with learning disabilities and even to this day have some limitations in my learning. You may notice that I may not respond or react to information or understand some things as clearly as other people. Here’s the answer. I’ll never know what it’s like to live a normal life because I was dealt a different hand. I truly am, like they say in Forrest Gump “just a little slower than most.”

For the past 4 years I’ve had a lot of trouble learning to drive a vehicle safely and effectively, and it‘s due to my disabilities. I’ve had to renew my driver’s permit numerous times! It’s been a real pain being in my 20s and not having my driver’s license! I’ve had people rag on me saying I was a lazy, ignorant moron because I can’t drive at 21. It’s been a stumbling block in my life because it’s severely limited my independence as a person. Having to be dependent on others for my need of transportation can really destroy one’s self esteem. In today’s culture, something as simple as a driver’s license can be quite debilitating. After years of struggling, I believe I finally have found some hope.

After a grueling two year waiting list, I was finally able to attend the Rehabilitation Hospital of the Pacific on Oahu (the Island that has Honolulu and Waikiki beach, not where I live) to have my driving problems assessed by a professional occupational therapist. The response was this...

At the end of it all, the professional consensus was: (and I agree with it), I totally have the ability and potential to eventually drive, but right now, I do not have the capability to drive (and hence, get my driver's license) due my current conditions. The issue isn't with my muscular problems or my auditory response, but with my visual perception. The assessment revealed that my right side line of sight is not potentially functioning properly. What that essentially means is, when driving, I'm not aware for the most part of the area around my right hand side. After discussion, that conclusion makes a lot of sense! The exact report states “The client’s ability to process visual information required to react is delayed, causing poor timing…”

why?

The most accurate conclusion discovered was this: because I did not develop normally, I probably didn't develop the hand-eye coordination naturally that occurs with most people. My reaction to random, un-controlled actions is delayed and needs work. The bigger reason is because when i was born, my body was positioned on the left hand side because that‘s the direction that the oxygen ventilator was located on. While the doctor's tried to turn it over (my head), i would still look and turn my head to the left. At that early stage in development, it’s no surprise that my right line of sight became hindered, because the left side is what the brain knew as normal, so anything different wouldn‘t work for it, and it would hence force the left eye to work harder. Essentially, since i learned to do things a bit slower and at an older age than most people, it's no surprise to me that driving would be any different.

I have of course grown up and compensated problems i had in the past. That can happen with learning to drive, it's just going to take some time. At this point, I probably won't get my drivers license until I'm about 23 or 24, maybe 25 (more than likely after i graduate from college!).

The rehab therapist told me to work on my right side of my peripheral vision, and to force that eye to work and force my hand-eye coordination to develop for the following year at school, and then possibly return for a further assessment next year. They suggested things like Ping-pong (yes, I was told to play ping pong as treatment!) or even video games. (the idea of playing a Wii was even thrown out there, because you have to respond to random action!) They said I should sit on the left hand side of the class so I have to force myself to look to the right when a professor is lecturing. Anything I can do to force my entire vision field to open up and become WHOLE!

Is it a bummer that I can't get my license right now? Of course. Does it suck that I have to return to Hawaii every year and renew my permit? YEAH! But that's what i have to do. And I'd much rather be safe and comfortable driving than dead at 21 years old! I’ve done some research on people who were born premature and there driving abilities, and most of them have died in car accidents because they were not fully aware of their surroundings.

So, that's my deal, and I'll accept it and deal with it. I'll try to live my life to the best that God is and love others with it. That's all I can do. Getting my license, in my situation is a MAJOR issue, unfortunately! It sucks, yes, but that's just the way it is.

While I certainly do accept the conclusion given by the professionals, it throws my academic and future career plans into shambles. Not being able to drive at 21 years of age is a serious issue. Originally, I had planned to get my license over the summer and then eventually move off campus possibly in the fall of 2008. Eventually, I’d continue school on my own and move completely out of my home here in Hawaii. That was my plan, which sounds pretty normal right? But now, this assessment has forced me to have to rethink my future. I can’t stay in Oregon over the summers (because I have to fly to Hawaii to renew my driver’s permit), and I can’t drive in Oregon, which I had planned to do in the future! Most of all, this really throws off my future as it relates to my personal life. I do not want to end up being a dependent husband to my future wife! I can just imagine, at say 26 or 27 being like “Dear, I need to go to this office meeting..” “I need to go get this…” “I have an appointment here…CAN YOU DRIVE ME THERE?” That’s not what I envisioned at all and it makes me essentially dependent on someone else. I do not want to be that much of a hindrance to my girlfriend and wife. This is causing me to rethink my future plans in a major way, and essentially my life rests on it.

Understand that I am in no means using this as a means for me to get A LOT of free rides to places when we’re in school! There’s a good chance the state of Hawaii Department of Vocational Rehabilitation will pay for me to have a lifetime TRI-MET pass because I will not be able to transport myself places in Portland.

Why am I letting you all know this? Because this is a major issue in my life, and I feel that letting you wonderful people at Multnomah into my world is something I need to do in order to allow myself to be truly honest with who I am, and who God has made me to be.

raw, real, and authentic. this is my life part 2

2007-06-17T16:10:00.000-07:00

6/16/07
There are many things in my life in which I haven’t necessarily understood or confronted. This is an attempt to be honest and real with you. This is what my conscience screams as I am on this journey called life.

I am revealing these things because I want to model true humility and Christ like character. I am bearing my soul for the advancement of God’s kingdom.

Emotional insecurity has been a demon in my life for years now. YES! YOU READ THAT RIGHT! I AM AN EMOTIONALLY INSECURE PERSON. This essentially developed out of childhood experiences. Let me explain briefly.

Because I was hospitalized and so sickly as a young child, my cognitive development did follow a natural pattern. A lot of the experiences a child has when this person is young I didn’t really have. You remember that awkward shyness you experienced as a child? Well for me, that never really left me. Instead of me growing out of it, it grew into me. As a young boy I was a chronically disabled, sickly kid, and so I had to go see A LOT of doctors. And, because my situation was so severe, even at older age like 5 or 6 years, I was not able to talk about my problems because I didn’t understand them. I just knew they were there and I couldn’t really explain them. This happened quite frequently and, naturally, I developed a dependence on my parents speaking in my place. The result? A shy, socially awkward, extremely QUIET person. I did not develop a lot of early childhood trait’s the same way kids do. I didn’t gain much speech assertiveness as other children do, but gained a strong sense of social awkwardness when engaging in conversation. Even the simple task of just saying “Hi” was difficult for me. For some reason my mind registered such social aspects as embarrassing and stupid, and I’m still trying to figure out why. I’m sure a lot of y’all have seen a lot it go down. I’m just not very normal sometimes. Some of the stuff I’ve said to people…embarrassing, inappropriate, awkward, and stupid!

As most you know, I was a social outcast in school (and even at church sometimes!) as a kid. I had no real friends and was teased a lot. From the intense emotional and verbal abuse I endured from the people around me at school, I developed a hatred of myself and my insecurities as a child began to be embedded into the latter part of my life.

For years, I have struggled with depression, anxiety, social speech assertiveness, self-image and esteem issues, self injury, social identity, and serious issues of addiction. And I still struggle with most of these issues today. I am a broken and bleeding person.

It has really only been in the last few months that I’ve finally realized that I say and do a lot of things just to get a reaction out of people. One reason is that I’ve always thought that I had to win people’s respect, love, and attention. I’m going to be honest with y’all and say that I’m a silent liar! Sometimes I’ll say that I did something simply out of the charity and goodness of my heart, when in reality I’m masking the fact that I really did it just because I wanted to see how someone would react. It’s me trying to “improve” myself because I have this fear that I’m not good enough. A wrong impression? Of course!

For the most part, this idea really rings true in my life (in my current life as well) with women. Why with women? For years I perceived a message that said that I was unattractive (physically, mentally, and spiritually). I’ve been told (literally in some cases) that I’m socially unattractive and do not deserve to be with a woman. Such an impression left a large scar in my life, and the wounds are steal healing.

In the past months, being at Multnomah has taught me to think for myself and to understand that I am the person God created to me to be. I have to reassure myself of that every day of my life.

While a lot of people may ask the question “why are you ‘dwelling’ on these things? You should forget all these past issues and move on with your life.” While such an idea sounds like a good philosophy, I find it to be problematic on some counts. A wise and knowledgeable person once said this to me:

“We can’t bury our feelings and emotions. We have to face our issues and be real with them. In order to understand our problems we must honest acknowledge that we have problems and how we feel about them. Acknowledge the fact that things hurt us and that they are real, genuine thought and emotions. We have to bring them to the surface and really ‘lay’ in the moment, acknowledging that something hurts and taking the time to grieve with the pain. Accepting Christ’s love and hope of the gospel does not mean we act like nothing ever happened to us. The hope of Christ comes in knowing we successfully deal with issues and be comfortable in having them and admitting them.” This has to be the best advice I have been given in a long time!

I remember about a week or so before classes ended, I was hanging out with my friend Rebecca. She had just finished reading my blog about my life story and my life trauma growing up. I asked her what she thought of it and what I was not prepared for was her response. “Even if I didn’t all of that stuff about you, I still would like you anyway…” At that moment, I think something immensely combustible went off inside of me. Here is a great friend, and a woman, who just literally said that she did not care about my past issues and problems, she was my friend because of the me that she already knew, and all the extra baggage didn’t matter. Now, it’s not that people haven’t said that to me before, but Rebecca was the first person to ever say it and literally have no bias or care about my past issues at all! All the social quirks and medical impediments didn’t matter to her. She liked me. The real me. The me that’s my spirit.

With most of my friendships (this applies to home, because I haven‘t known Multnomah people very long), I’ve had some sort of issue with them concerning issues I currently have or have dealt with in the past. It’s people like Rebecca who have helped me break through my insecurities and understand who I am. You people at Multnomah are that kind of people! Genuine, real, authentic, and “un-polished.”

I pray almost daily that God would continue to work on my heart and help to break out of this horrible lie I’ve been living with for so long.

To you wonderful people at Multnomah, I have a favor to ask. I want you people to push me! Stretch me outside of my parameters and make me think outside this box I’ve created for myself. Could you remind me that I’m loved and accepted just the way I am and that we all are the imago dei that He intended?

Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. We are all bleeding individuals, broken, and in need of love and forgiveness. It is something we are desperate for, and no one is an exception. It’s the message Jesus preached and the message that got him murdered. At the core of my heart is a passion to see the world change and bring heaven to earth. However, in order to change the world, I must first change myself. I am broken, but I am forgiven. The world lied to me and created a person which is not the true me, but a reflection of what the world wants to be. i am here to reflect christ, and not the world. this is the beginning of God change my life and to help me better myself, for his kindgom and for His Glory.

Peace and love to all,
jeremy

do you love me?

2007-06-13T01:18:00.000-07:00

for the past few months, i've really brought into question my relationship with my family, my parents in particular. I'm not the first guy to verbally express emotion or feelings, because i grew up a shy, quiet, socially awkward individual. it's only been recently that i've been able to crack my shell of social awardness and really experience life. i can honestly say that in my 21 years on this earth, i have never once heard my father verbally say "i love you" and actually mean it sincerely. i'm actually ok with it, because i've grown used to it i guess.

this past sunday things seemed to be different in a way i was not expecting, and am really still processing. this past sunday my pastor preached a sermon on what makes strong men. At the end of his message, the pastor ask the congregation to go and find a man and lay hands on him as he prayed for the men of our church and for God's provision in thier life. To my surprise, not expecting it at all, my father stood up and came and sat down next to me and put his arm around me as we prayed together. He didn't saying anything after the prayer was over, but in that moment, i experienced God more than i have in the passed year. i felt the love that God had bestowed on my family and in that moment, all of the disagreements and issues surrounding my families life at that moment seemed to dissapear, because at that moment it was only God speaking directly to me.

What my father felt in that moment I'm not sure. Whether he did it because he meant it or because he simply was asked to by our pastor, i'm not sure. all i know is that God is living and active in the most surprising, yet profound areas of life. i think in that moment, my dad said "i love you." While it may not have been your usual verbal affirmation, it was still a clear as always to anyone who saw us in that moment.

peace and love tot all,
jeremy

we are not called to hate

2007-05-24T23:31:00.000-07:00

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home." - jamie tworkowski

If we say we love God yet hate a brother or sister, we are liars. For if we do not love a fellow believer, whom we have seen, we cannot love God, whom we have not seen. And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love one another. - 1 john 4:20-21

Jesus doesn't call us to be haters, killers, violent savages, and exploiters...the question is then, why are we doing it?

we say that we love everyone like Christ does, but...

we treat someone struggling with homosexuality as if they aren't human, not allowing them into the church, and treating them much differently from other "straight" people. The same goes for someone who is a prostitute, porn star, or sex worker.

we shy away when someone is chronically disabled (wheelchair bound, autism, retardation, cebral palsy, etc.), we think that it's because of a particular sin of their parents or themselves, because they have not been "healed."

we find out a pastor or church leader is struggling with sin, and we push him/her away, saying they are supposed to be held to a "higher standard", when no one within the church or otherwise helped them stay accountable for thier actions, or even considered the fact that they are human and will have sin nature as well. (I'm convinced the reason that Ted Haggard struggled for 3 years is because he did not have a stategic plan of accountability, and he did not feel comfortable sharing his stuggles with his contemporaries and/or family)

we tell someone who is not a follower of Christ that they are worthless and that we need to "fix them" because they are going to suffer in hell, when in reality it comes off as a really cocky, "we're better than you" mentality.

we claim the reason for not helping the poor and oppressed is because it is "their fault" that they are that way.

we put ourselves in boxes, staying away from the "world", thinking they are "unsavable" or that "they will come to us."

To me it's shocking, because I know that in the Bible:

God used a known prostitute to save the Israelites (Josh 2:1)

Jesus did not condemn a woman caught in adultery (John 8:11)

God used physical suffering without earthly resolve for his Glory (2 Corinthians 12, Job)

Paul admitted that he was actively struggling with sin, but still preached agianst it and acknowledged it's wrong (Romans 7-8)

Jesus never rebuked or expressed hatred toward anyone during his life and ministry, and died for everyone and everything. His love is true love( Romans 5:8; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Jesus proclaims that we will always have the poor with us (John 12:8) and that we should care for the poor no matter what (Luke 14:13).

Jesus teaches that we cannot love just the people we are comfortable with, we have to get our hands dirty and go to them (Matthew 5:45-47)

I find myself struggling with these issues all the time, if not daily. It hurts to know that i am such a selfish person, and i am trying to die to myself and live souly for God, the problem is that in our 20th century Americanized Christianity, we have stripped the teachings of Jesus of thier raw essence, and tweaked them to support our own selfish ideas and philosophies. One of the best quotes i ever heard about the reality of the gospel is buy a very learned man named John Perkins "We cannot change people and then expect to love them. Our love for them must change thier lives."

That is a maxim that i am desperately trying to live my life by. Growing with almost the exact opposite mindset doesn't help me, but it's a process i am trying to work through. death brings life. weakness is strength, and unity is faith.

peace and love,
jeremy

brotherly love?

2007-05-21T00:11:00.000-07:00

brotherly love
Current mood: confused

tonight i was taken back by a spiritual experience I'v never felt before. Tonight we had a party for my brother Nathan's graduation from Multnomah. The party went good, and I was enjoying the company. and then it happened.

My parents I guess peparped a DVD video chronicling my brothers life from birth until now. It was nice and i was looking back at all our memories as kids together. What was i was not expecting was what came next...

The song "the line between the two" was playing by Mark Harris in the video, and listening to the lyrics and watching the film, I started to tear up.

Now, it's not those "I'm gonna try and cry to make it look all emotional". These were real authentic tears, deep from within my heart, i was weeping inside, and i honestly don't know why. I've only ever experienced tears like this once before in my life, and that was when my grandparents passed away, and one other instance in life which would be to long to write about here. I'm not one to cry very much. I'm just not wired that way emotionally. I write, I think, I conceive, I ponder. Music is my form of expression! But for some reason, these tears came, and they came naturally and authentically. It was raw, real, and devout. This was true, and it was beautiful.

was it out of love for my family? Was God finally working on my heart and seeing that my relationship with my brother was not the best? I don't know. All I know is that i felt the Spirit of God upon me at that moment. Was it convicting? Sure. But I'd rather know what it all meant. It's a deep theological struggle within to find why this happened and what it means... it's a big question mark in my mind right now.

is it supposed to be this way

2007-05-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

is it supposed to be this way?

my first year at multnomah is over...and, i feel really weird. to be 100% honest, while most people are counting down the days until they will be home and away from school, i honestly don't want to go home!

that's right...you heard correctly...i don't want to go home.

why? well, i'm 21 and have found a real sense of individuality here at Multnomah, and am beginning that psychological stage where I leave my parents' grip, so to speak. and there are reasons i don't really want to go home...

is Multnomah the reason? Sort of. There have been profs. at multnomah who have really challenged me and encouraged me to think outside the "box" of Evangelicism and have really pushed me to thing about things and question them. A lot of my friends have done that too (you all know who you are, and i'm greatful for each of you!)

is it home? sadly, yes...i've grown up with two or three best friends my whole life. It's always been that way for some reason. Well, my best friend since elementary school is going to be away at his families vacation house for the summer in Michigan (He also goes to school there), and then there are other friends who have moved on with thier lives. Friends that i haven't seen in a long time, and friends that aren't going down the right path. Honestly, what is left...few. very few.
more notably, being on a secluded island in a city of less than 50K and practically NOTHING to do...it leaves me lifeless...waisting time, and not being productive.

on top of that, I'm planning to do summer ministry for ministry credit at home either with my church or with a local christian school in my town. i'm not sure which i'm going to do yet, to be honest, the only reason I'm really doing it is to get the required ministry credit. i honestly don't feel the desire to do it convictingly. Hence, i'm not so sure it will be really fulfilling at may "sound." am i being a fake christian who's not really seeing the right side of things, i don't know?

in reality,
i feel like i'm leaving a home. i love portland. i love multnomah. and i love all you wonderful people.

i feel like i'm in this broken state that cannot be fixed, because i'm not so sure what's broken, yet.

honestly, looking at life right now, i see a big question mark ?

i don't know what i'm doing, or am going to do. when i leave here for 3 months, it will be a strange time, and when i get back, i'll be back to a place i know is "real"....i don't know. am i supposed to feel this way...is it supposed to feel like i'm losing a close friend?

this is who i am

2007-04-20T02:16:00.000-07:00

My life story

This is my life story, about who I am, where I came from, and what I am about. Let us not waste any time. I was born April 29th, 1986 in Portland, Oregon. I was born 22 ½ weeks pre-mature, weighing only 1lb. 6 oz. I couldn’t breathe on my own, was on a ventilator, and my eyes were fused shut. If I could post pictures of it I certainly would, and I may do so later on, but right now I don’t have any baby pictures with me. I was miniscule, tiny, petite, and didn’t seem to have hope of surviving. The doctors handed me into my mother’s arms saying, “we will let you hold him when he dies.” her response was a stern rejection, proclaiming that if God wants to take me, he will do so, but as long as my body is on this earth, everything shall be done within human power to save my life!
At that, the doctors went to it. I was hooked up to a crap load of machines that would now probably look like an old Atari game system. I had tubes coming out of my body, I.V.’s everywhere. It was like a scene from a scary movie sort of…or maybe like something from E.R. or House. After two weeks my eyes opened and I was introduced to the world. I was in the hospital for a total of 8 months from the day I was born. My parents often got calls in the middle of the night from the day I was born saying that I wasn’t going to make it through the night. They spent countless hours at my bedside praying for God’s healing power and protection. And then I was finally able to go home…for some time. I was soon back in the hospital time after time with pneumonia in my lungs…calls would come in from the hospital, saying I was on my death bed…still, prayers lifted up from friends and family around the country. They came from everywhere from Hawaii to Indiana to New York. Never once did my parents and grandparents lose faith in God. Jesus was their rock.
While I was home, I was put on 24 hour ventilation monitoring (In case I accidentally stopped breathing) and had a gigantic baby monitor that was on 24/7. Then it seemed to die down a bit…for the next two years, I spent days in physical therapy trying to get my tiny body to function and develop as normally as possible…it was determined that I had a neuromuscular condition that to this day is unknown in it‘s origin (for the most part, it appears to be Muscular Dystrophy.) If you see me around campus walking kind of limp, or slow, it’s because my body tires out a lot faster than you’re average male. Because of this problem I was not at all athletic in my school years. It was most notably these situations that spawned my love for art, music, poetry, reading, and writing!
In 1992 my parents felt called to adopt children from the ravaged orphanages in Romania. Tens upon thousands of Gypsy babies were cram packed in orphanages and being left for dead…my parents went and, long story short, came back with two 9 month old twin girls, whom we named Ruth (after my grandmother) and Joy (I’m not sure to this day why that name came about). It turns out, that the girls were diagnosed with mild to severe autism.
Now, let’s just say that the State of Hawaii DOE isn’t exactly what it should be (if you Google “Hawaii public school problems”, you’ll see what I mean.) I was the kid who was teased, harassed, picked- on, and degraded; and I had no friends. I had a serious lack of community with friends. I remember in 4th grade the entire class called me gay! I was psychologically destroyed, conditioned to believe I was worthless, ugly, un-attractive, and stupid. I would come to school in the morning and the kids would say (pretty much everyday) “why did you have to come to school today, you’re so stupid, you should just say home!” Ouch! That was a scar size extra large! Depression and anxiety were embedded deep within me!
When I finally got out of public school, I found true friends…well, I had 1. It was there, when I was 12 that I met my best friend Ian Grotenhuis. Now, I’m the kind of guy who grew up having only two or 3 best friends my whole life, and that’s it. I was never a popular kid. I still was teased and taunted, picked on for being “different.” But I knew Ian was there. We shared laughs and memories and to this day we can recall almost anything that happened over those few years. I went through a lot in private school. And then high school reared its ugly head at me. I was 16 going on 17 and only a high school freshman. There were some ups and downs…rivalries, disownments, mistakes that I watched my friends make, that I disapproved of, but they didn’t seem to care about my opinion… after my freshman year, sophomore year didn’t prove to be any better. I went through a serious bout of depression and was involved with cutting. Friends turned their backs and totally stabbed me in the back and I was scarred by the leadership (some of them teachers) who thought they were better than everyone else. The events that year was what made me decide to leave school and attend community college.
It was in the summer of 2004 that my life was changed forever…I was on my way with my 7 best friends to SpringHill Camps in Michigan to be a part of their high school program called TST (Teen Service Team). My world was changed upside down by God’s grace. TST teams are divided into teams of 30 teens that do work around the camp all the way from maintenance to accommodations work to construction…it’s a student work service program…high schoolers would come for 2 weeks at a time and be placed on a team of 25 teens (co-ed), with 5 counselors. I was pumped and super excited that God was gonna rock out! For months prior to the trip I had been praying that God would use me in amazing ways on this trip. But things ended up changing…when we arrived at the camp (which is a total of 810 acre’s with nearly 800 staff members and about 2000 campers enrolled each week, from 1st grade through High School!) we figured out that I was some how put on a separate team away from ALL of my friends. We were originally supposed to be together, but apparently God had other plans. I was put on a separate team because of my health conditions. Being the socially anxious, shy person that I was, I freaked! I literally probably felt the worse I’ve ever felt in my life that day! I was a wreck! I figured, “This is not what I paid for, and this is not going to help me!” I thought I was bound for failure…but God had other plans…the first few days were rough, but after the first week; I realized that I was really having the best time of my life!!! God rocked out like crazy! I met the nicest, most sincere friends I have ever met in my entire life, whom I still keep in contact with to this day! God broke my heart, and allowed me to see what He can do in any situations if I only trust Him…My team leader, Krista, became one of my heroes in life, because she wanted so bad for me to feel welcomed, loved, accepted, and a part of the team. She knew I had problems, and was SOULY committed to helping overcome my fears!!! And she did! She went out of here way to make me feel accepted, and the other people did too!!! I remember when a girl named Courtney talked to me constantly about Hawaii (and I’ll be honest, that was a big hit with everyone “he’s from Hawaii, he’s so COOL!!!”) and about life…she really tried hard to crack my shell, and she did! By the last night of campfires, I shared with everyone how God had shown me how to succeed on my own and how I am loved by Him. Tears rolled down my face as I expressed how much I had fallen in love with SpringHill! That final day was probably one of the hardest days of my life!
It is by God’s provision that I’ve gone back to work at SpringHill Camps for the past two summers as Summer Staff and I am planning to go back their again and work with them full time. This past summer I was blessed enough to see Krista walk down the aisle and get married! SpringHill is why I’m majoring in youth ministry! I’ve never experienced community anywhere else like I have at SpringHill. No offense guys, but I’ll even go as far to say that SpringHill focuses on community stronger than Multnomah does! (Now, that’s a bold statement!) Although I’m sure it depends on one’s own experience. Multnomah is still were I want to be and it is probably the most loving, community focused school I have ever been at.
Today, I still am wrestling with a lot of personal issues in my life that will take years to overcome, but God has been faithful. I have been immensely blessed and will continue to seek God wherever His truth manifests itself. This is my life story! God is love.

simple heart

2006-11-01T00:26:00.001-08:00

this past sunday i went to visit my portland church's Jr. High Ministry. It was really cool, but God rocked out in a really insane way...imago dei community has been my church home for the past 2 months and i absolutely love it! the junior high ministry wasn't anything out the box then what i expected. What I loved about it is that the kids were allowed to totally have their own opinions and were not "corrected" by the person teaching. there were no "sunday school 'Jesus', 'Bible' " answers here. It was raw, heartfelt love. the way christ did it! I was sitting in the back of the room observing the ministry, and one of the girls (probably just started the 6th grade, about 11 or 12 years old) came up to me and politely introduced herself. "Hi, what's your name?" she asked in a sweet cheerful way with a smiling gleaming off her rounded small face. "I'm Jeremy" I said kindly, trying not to sound too enthusiastic.."Hi, I'm Olivia, she said" with a cheerful smile. The kids get doughnuts every sunday (that may be why they're popular, you never know) provided by the church staff. The next thing I know, she reaches out and hands me a donut, still with that same sweet smile on her face. I politely thank her and sent a smile her way as well. She then proceeded to offer me a seat next to her in the circle of chairs sitting around the room. I accepted, and took a seat. The lesson for the day was on original sin, and I could not believe how smart these kids were, and how authentic the leaders were with the kids. this wasn't a "let's get biblical" thing, this was geniune love. the leaders proclaimed with great sincerity "there is no wrong answer here. that is what being a Christian is, asking questions and figuring things out." I was taken back so deeply by the response. NEVER in my life have I seen a ministry leader say such a thing. Most of the time all i've seen are leaders teaching and cramming the kids heads full of information that would probably render useless in the future. Sure, communal connection was made, but as far as how truthfully authentic the teaching was, it was more of "give me the answer i just gave you." the real kicker her was not that. it was Olivia. She shared a story of how she'd been unfaithful to her parents while they were away and such, i don't really remember what it was, but nevertheless, i could tell her heart was authentically in love with God. She said she wanted to do what was right and knew what was right! After the lesson ended, the kids went into the service for the last 10 minutes or so of it. imago dei has communion every sunday, and they want the kids to have an opportunity to take communion as well (which I think is fantastic!). During the worship, which was simultaneous with communion, as I stood their among the service, i glanced down for a second, to a sight that blew my mind! There was Olivia, by herself (she wasn't sitting particularly close to anyone in the row of chairs), with her hands raised in Worship to God. It was real, it was authentic, it was sincere, and melted my heart! Never in my life have I seen such a young child be open and true about his/her faith! NEVER! I almost started crying, and tears welled up in my eyes. Olivia had a heart, a simple heart, but a heart to know Jesus more. A heart that God had been brewing, that God is growing, and that the spirit is using. Unfortunately I didn't look to see if Olivia went and took communion, but i would not be surprised if she did, for I know she knows who Jesus is and why that table is there for us. I'll never forget that sunday. it was almost like a dream come true. Never in my life have i seen community done in this fashion before. Never have I seen so many devoted Christ-followers who are all in one place for one reason and because of one person. It's jesus' simple heart that breaks down these barriers we've set for others and draws us closer.

cheers,
jeremy

is rescue really possible?

2006-10-24T13:05:00.001-07:00

CLCK ON THIS IMAGE TO GO THE "TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS" WEB SITE

by Jamie Tworkowski

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) traveling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

It's a fact of life: Depression hurts. but it doesn't have to be that way. I think of the years I struggled with depression and have watched my friends go through it, rendering me speechless. how do you love someone who won't love back, who is searching for love in the wrong places, and who is broken beyond belief. Renee was one of those people. Jamie was the Jesus Renee saw. through a enormous act of love, she is in the arms of Jesus because of it. When are we gonna get a clue that America's young people are suffering and that the media is feeding nothing but a bunched of fucked up lies! It's no secret we live in a fucked up society (and I use these words with utmost discretion. I think it's an appropriate time.) where sex is currency and nothing matters. Can we change that, I'm not so sure yet. It's something i'm personally struggling with. Can we change the world for the better, and are we supposed to or is it God who is in control? Is rescue really possible? I've heard it said that suffering brings God glory, and I believe it, but when someone suffers against God's intentions, then what do we do because we have no way of distinguishing what is of God and what isn't of God. In all rationality, I look at the character of Jesus and I see that He loved under the most mundane of circumstances. He did not condemn. The great Commandment sums it up pretty well (Matthew 22: 37-39) " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." this is just something I'm wrestling with in my current journey.

thoughts...ideas...

love wins

2006-10-14T23:46:00.000-07:00

yesterday (October 14th) i had the priveledge of visiting the city of Berkeley California. It's one of those postmodern cities, with a lot of different people. Berkeley is the home of UC Berkeley, a world renowned institution. a lot of college students are around. we were there for thrift shops and used CD stores (because we who doesn't love browsing for vintage stuff). as we step out of the car onto the street, i immediately noted the area. there was a church group on the side of one street singing worship songs and preaching the gospel and passing out tracts. as we walked down the streets were laden with vendors and homeless beggars. a block down was an eastern religious cult of "spiritual yoga" passing out pamphlets. a block further was a group that I'm not quite so sure what was. i also saw a bunch of people handing out books on Scientology and "Dianetics." we had a good time walking around and searching for stuff. it was a great day, but i just couldn't get my mind off of that Christian group. after a while it hit me. that church group was doing nothing different from any of the other religious groups on that street. if a non-Christ follower was bombarded with numerous facts about several religious faiths, what do you think will happen. chances are, they're gonna look at it as religious propaganda and not read any of it. now, remember the gospel is in all this religious clutter, and it doesn't get read either. more than likely people are going to be turned off by such presentations of religion rather than turned toward it. while i commend that church group's heart for the gospel and for witness and evangelism, i don't think it was very effective at all, because it was no different than any of the other religious groups. the key word here is "different." Christ calls us a His followers to be different than this world. i shall ask, what would it look like if we took on a different approach to the gospel. if we understood that people need love more than anything. if we went to them, on their turf, in their gutter, to meet their needs. what if all we did was love them. sure, we let people know that were Christ followers but we don't force them to believe it, but we just live out a Holy example of Christ's love to them. the other key word here is LOVE. love wins. you see, that church group on the street was trying to scar people into accepting the gospel because "the wrath of God will judge them", but i think they missed the point. the point of the gospel isn't to scar people into salvation. how often did Jesus condemn people for sinning? NEVER! what did he do? He loved! Even on the cross, as he suffered, he loved. Not only did he love, but he forgave sins. often times i think we look at the world with a boastful "thank God i'm not like them" attitude, when according to the Bible, the sin of partiality is no worse than the sin of homosexuality. we need to love this world, not condemn it. God is the final judge, not us. we need to converse, to immerse, and to saturate this world with the love of Christ. love wins.

emergent

2006-10-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

millions around the United States and the world are discovering a refreshment to what was known as the "jesus movement" of the 1970s and hence gave birth to modern "evangelicalism." the emergent church, originated in the mind of author and Pastor Brian D. McLaren, is sweeping the nation, for people who just don't feel connected to the church anymore. this movement mainly consists of youngling college age students (while McLaren himself is 50 years old). why? here's the deal. would you agree that our western culture is shifting and moving rapidly? in 2002, the term "blog" did not exist in american vocabulary. Now, everyone knows what a blog is, right? This cultural and philosophical shift is what we refer to as Post-Modernism. What's that? Post-Modernism is the response to the philosophy of monderism? well, what's that? modernism is basically a human philosophy shaped by the elements of modern culture. look at it this way, throughout history Christians have had to deal with new situations in the church. it happen in the 17th century, with a guy named Martin Luther. the church had to re-emerge from what it had become. the Roman Catholic church had changed it's position on theology and Christ's diety and atonement. Luther recognized that problem, and hence wrote his 95 Thesis (95 consecutive reasons why the 17th century Roman church was incorrect in it's theology). is culture not emerging today? Absolutely! And Christians have to deal with the issues faced into today's relevant cultural landscape. If you say the word "Christian" in today's society, what happens? Stereotypes? Christians are: anti-gay, pro-war, republican, anti-poor, hateful, uncompassionate. and what was Jesus? He loved gays, despised wars (but predicted that some are inevitable), was NOT a political figure, loved everyone, and was the most compassionate historical figure to ever walk this earth. what's better to say, to tell a gay person "you're gay, and you need to turn from your sins" or to say "you are forgiven, Jesus loves You, and so do we" ? this essence of the emergent movement is this idea the culture is constantly "emerging" and that we must respond to it in a way that is relevant and active. we must share the love of Christ with everyone, at whatever means or cost it takes. you see, Jesus loved us so much that he died for us. he died for people he didn't know, that rejected him (remember the theif on the cross?), for people that hated him. He loved them so much. what did he say "Father forgive them, for they know not what they are doing." Nevertheless, the church is emerging and we need to embrace cultural differences. what are your thoughts. this is not just my blog. this is for anyone who has thoughts, ideas, feelings. SPILL!

a breif introduction

2006-10-09T02:22:00.000-07:00

this is the story of my life. who i am, what i'm going through. where i've been, where i'm at. what's on my mind. unpublished works of my poetry, songs, writings. this is who i am. this is my way to breathe out my fresh ideas. Granted, Multnomah is a great way to do that, too! I want to point out a few things. first, the colour scheme. why white on green? two reasons, 1) they are two of my favorite colors and 2) I'm not sure if anyone remembers the old child evangelism method known as the "wordless book", it's a book of colors that supposed to give the gospel message to younglings. Well, white stands for our souls and hearts after we accept Jesus, white as snow. pure. forgiven. clean. eternally saved. green: that's about our life as Christ followers, as we "grow" in descipleship of Christ. Secondly, what will be addressed on this blog? ANYTHING. Nearly anything that comes not just to my mind, but your mind's as well. Have a question for me? Disagree? Let me know, and I'll post a response on here! This is not a personal "journal", this is a converstation with the world around me, as i seek to find out more of this journey God has put us on. So, breathe!

In Christ Alone,
Jeremy