Something there in between

As most of you know, I went through a deep depression this past summer where I questioned my reason for living, my impact on the Kingdom of God, my value to others, etc. You can read about it here: http://u.nu/3mzr3 And, as most of you know, I also recovered from that depression and gained some new insight to who I am and who God is to me. You read my "recovery" blog post here: http://u.nu/6mzr3.

What I did not mention, however, was how I came to the conclusions that I did. Yes, I did listen to a sermon that helped me. But before the sermon, I was saved through something else. Something profoundly impactful and powerful. I was saved through music.

More specifically, I was saved through the music of the band Flyleaf. Flyleaf is a hardcore band from Arlington, Texas who has become a platinum act since their debut in 2006. I received Flyleaf's debut record from a friend who got it at a youth event but didn't want it. As with many bands these days, Flyleaf does not market themselves as a "Christian" band but "Christians in a band." I've had their record on my iPod for the last 3 years but never really gave it much of a listen. I liked a few of their songs, but was never really sold on the band.

As my luck would have it, an internet message board forum that I found on RELEVANT magazine's website mentioned Flyleaf. After an intriguing discussion about the band, I decided to give their album another listen. It was here that I found the words of Flyleaf lead vocalist Lacey Mosley (Sturm), as raw and honest as she could have ever been. The last song on the record, entitled "So I Thought”, speaks of a rough time that Lacey went through and she talks about how it took her time to really address the issues she had been dealing with. During the song's bridge, Lacey pours out her soul to God when she sings:

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

But it was the last lines of the song that really got me. At the conclusion of the song, Lacey passionately proclaims:

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between

That last line, And all these twisted thoughts I see Jesus there in between, was what I needed to hear. Furthermore, Lacey's introduction to the song that I discovered via Youtube also gave me hope and peace.

I don't know about you guys but I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I've hurt a lot of people and I've been hurt by a lot of people. There's a lot of guys out there that really mistreat girls, and a lot of girls out there that really mistreat guys. I've broken promises that I've made to people that I love and to God and everything. I've messed up a lot, and the point is that if you've been messed up and made mistakes, it doesn't mean that you have to keep screwing up, or that your life is ruined and that you're worthless. It means that you can start over, you just have to make that decision yourself. That's what I think about when I sing this song. - Lacey Mosley

I realized that I've made a lot of mistakes and while I know I am not without flaws, I finally realized that I will never be in a state where I can say that everything is alright and or be in a state of perfect bliss or euphoria. To say that I am is a lie. It may sound strange, but at the age of 23, I still haven't realized some aspects of Christ's sacrifice. Though I've been a Christian since I was 5, I've spent the last 10-12 years of my life trying to put myself in a state of ultimate perfection. I wanted things to be “perfect.” It has taken me nearly 10 years to fully understand that it's not me that has to be perfect, because Jesus was perfect. Jesus invites us to give our sins to Him and nail them to the cross. Jesus invites us into a grand story called Redemption. Jesus invites to live Holy not because of religious legalism but out of a love for what is true, good, and beautiful. The ultimate author of that unconditional and undying love is Jesus. I wanted answers to why I hurt, when in reality the answers were staring me right in the face all that time. I am a part of a bigger story that is not finished and is still waiting to be completed. And all these twisted thoughts I see, Jesus there in between!

To listen to the song “So I Thought” go here ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZuskwmcQGg

grace and peace,
jeremy