the gods aren't angry

So, last week I got to see Rob Bell speak on the "the god's aren't angry" tour at the Roseland theatre here in Portland. It was amazing! Rob was right on the money, exegeting everything extremely well in context and tying everything together with illustrations and examples of how it all works.

For anyone who might not know, Rob Bell is the founding pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grandville, MI. He is also the featured speaker in the first series of short biblical teaching films called NOOMA. Rob has authored two books, both of which I think are incredible, Velvet Elvis and Sex God.

Rob's teaching has worked miracles in my life and made a profound change on the way I see things. It was in the summer of 2004 that Rob's teaching changed me through the NOOMA series (more on in the future!)

Rob's primary focus was about religiosity and how it was invented by humans to make themselves feel better. Essentially all truth is God's truth and all life is living and breathing God's name. Some of the first humans beings (post-fall and post-flood) began to recognize the different forces of nature and of life…the cycles of the sun, moon, and stars, the cycle of life. They began to realize that there are forces out there greater than themselves and began to name the different forces. The forces became gods who were up in the sky, separate from mankind.

When things would go bad, people assumed the gods were angry, and so recognizing that the gods, these unseen forces, were behind the cycles, they established a system of offerings (or sacrifices) to appease the gods, to satisfy them. They made an altar, a place to offer their sacrifices to these gods. How these sacrifices would work is, if you had a good crop, you made a sacrifice to give thanks. If you had a bad crop, you sacrificed in hopes you'd appease the anger and in turn, get a good return. If things were good, the gods must be happy… but if things were bad, something wasn't right. You needed to offer more. In reality it came about that you never knew where you stood with the gods. If you had an especially abundant harvest, you would offer more of a sacrifice because if you offered the gods the same amount of sacrifice but had the ability to offer more of a sacrifice; such an act of selfishness could anger the gods.

It was a vicious cycle that became deeply rooted in mankind. If things were good, you offered thanks. If things were bad, you offered a peace offering. If things were extra-good, you offered a larger portion as to not anger the gods. You never knew essentially where you stood with the gods because regardless of what happened, you had to offer sacrifice. So, it got extreme. When crops or animals weren't enough men began offering their own blood, their own children, and in some cases their manhood (not joking). In the book of Kings Chapter 17 you have the prophets of Baal cutting themselves and offering sacrifice. Nothing could satisfy… no sacrifice was good enough. You never knew were you stood with the gods.

Then Abraham came along and introduced a God who spoke to him. It was an actual God, speaking to men. And this God wasn't demanding of sacrifice – He was offering a promise and a blessing. It was revolutionary thinking, that a God would be involved in space in time, calling men into an actual relationship with Him. There is a back story to the story of Abraham were Abraham was instructed by YHWH to leave his father's household. Now, in eastern Jewish culture, "leaving your father's household" was not just packing up and leaving home. Leaving your father's household meant that you would essentially leave you're ENTIRE up bringing and belief system of your family or father.

The God of Abraham introduced a whole new sacrificial system…there were offerings, your sacrifices for forgiveness of sin, but even sacrifices to bring peace between yourself God, and yourself and others.

YHWH essentially transcends everything other god's "did." The stars were considered a god, and yet YHWH goes and uses it as an illustration to show how Abraham will have numerous offspring. YHWH uses the dust of the ground to illustrate how his offspring will multiply, and in everyone else's mind, this seemed odd. The gods were in all and through all. The gods would NEVER communicate with humans. There were not transcendent and would not embrace humanity. And yet here comes this one true God who completely goes against the grain of things and breaks every norm in which the people knew. And here comes this one God who is true and uses the others as "props" to make a point. This concept of a God communicating is a totally new concept unknown to anyone at the time. It's a complete paradigm shift.

Fast forward a few thousand years, and a Jewish Rabbi named Jesus come around and does the exact same thing to the current system of belief and understanding in the culture at that time. Jesus was said by many orthodox Jews to be the answer to a covenant that God made with is people of Israel thousands of years earlier (The Davidic Covenant). Matthew 21 tells of Jesus turning over the temple gates and driving out the merchants and thieves. He went into the Temple, into the very place where people were making their offerings, and said, "I'm here. I'm greater than the Temple. You can tear me down, and I'll rebuild it in 3 days…" as John referred to as his body being destroyed and raised again in 3 days. Jesus is trumping the system again! He sacrifices himself for our sins and our misleading. He, in essence, said that there's a greater way to know God than through ritual or sacrifice (and it's me!). Christ's sacrifice, for us, so we don't have to pay homage to God (the substitutionary atonement of sins.)

Rob shared stories of people he's encountered in his ministry… a businessman who is a slave to work to prove his worth, to live up to the approval of his in-laws, wresting with the sense that he's not good enough. She was striving for validation, success, and approval. Then, he had encountered young girls who were cutting themselves as a way to escape pain or emotional trauma and to overcome words of hurt and negativity. In bringing up all of these he asked:
"Do we have the same old gods, and we've just given them different names?"

The prophets of Baal cut themselves nearly 3000 years ago as a way to appease the gods.

In Hebrews, the author talks about the sacrifice Christ made by giving His life, and how His life was the final sacrifice to reconcile God and mankind. He did away with the old system and ushered in the culmination of the ages so everyone could understand the ultimate reality (Salvation from sin)… that they could see God in a whole new way. God made peace through Christ with all things on heaven and earth. He changed everything for everybody.

Then Rob talked about the whole point of sacrifices. Did we (and do we) sacrifice because God needs something from us? According to Psalm 50, God isn't pleased with our sacrifices…in Micah it says God isn't pleased with 1,000 rams… the list could go on but the point is the sacrifices weren't for God, they were for us. We are thinking we need to earn God's love when in reality; he's standing right there with arms wide open (no Creed reference here!)

We have a hard time trusting good things, so sacrifice area a reminder and ritual that keeps us knowing that God wants to bless us and not ask us for more. There's never been an effective religious deed in all of humanity.

Rob then entertained the question, "what is repentance?" It's not "I repent and THEN God does THIS." That's RELIGION! Repenting is not bargaining. God made peace with all things. He's already done it. Repentance is acknowledging what God has done and living differently because of it. What comes with that acknowledgement? The realization that we are sinners and that God is offering us a life that is better than anything we can give ourselves. God offers us grace, but it must be received (Receiving Christ as Savior.) The gospel is the good news that God hasn't given up on creation, that the tomb is empty and that a resurrection of souls is taking place.

The 'altar' was done with Jesus, but there's one more sacrifice we need to make… ourselves. We need to live our entire lives in thankfulness to God for what He's done. We need to put flesh and blood on it for others – we need to share it. We need to live the peace we've experienced and known.

Rob then shared a few more stories…. There was an Orthodox priest who went to investigate a woman who had been seeing visions of Jesus. He told the woman, the next time she saw Jesus, to ask him what sins he had committed. The priest went back a week later after hearing again that she had seen Jesus, he asked her "did you ask Jesus what sins I had committed this week?" "Yes" she replied…and the woman told him that Jesus answer was, "I don't remember."

He told a story of a woman who had been violently disfigured in an accident and her husband, when seeing her mangled face for the first time, kissed her and said, "I like it." Telling a girl who had brought shame to her family, "You don't embarrass me." That's Christ, that's the nature of God. He doesn't remember. He likes you. He doesn't hate you. The very air we breathe is His love for us. We have no need to impress, give more, improve, or perform. We don't have to live the like that. He came. The sacrifice has been made. At the culmination of the ages, Christ stands… and God isn't angry. God is love.

Rob shared a story from his personal life where he was pretty much burned out with being a pastor and was running himself ramped, trying to please everyone. These things had become his gods. Rob was sharing this with a friend several years ago and that friends simply look at Rob straight in the eye and repeated this simple phrase over and over until Rob finally realized it for himself.

You don't have to live like this.
You don't have to live like this.
You don't have to live like this.
You don't have to live like this.
You don't have to live like this…

Rob ended with a benediction that I am trying to make real in my life everyday now… "May you come to see the Christ, who shed his blood for you at the cross; who conquered sin and death and because of that God isn't angry. May you embrace the risen Christ who is LOVE."

This really has profound implications on my life as it stands right now…I've suffered from depression (and at one point self-injury, but not anymore) and have really wrestled with what it means to trust Jesus. I've had doubts, fears, questions, baggage, and pain. It's showed in the form of blood, tears, anger, silence, music, poems, and even blogs. As I live this journey called life I am seeking to embrace the mystery that is Jesus Christ in me. I am in need of a savior every day I awake, and often times I walk around thinking that I must better myself for God's kingdom…that who I am isn't good enough. I have people on campus that I want to emulate in love and compassion and kindness and grace and I feel like I'm sinning for not having those particular qualities as strong as they do, as if they're better than me.

It's hard for me to realize that Christ works in everyone's life individually in different time frames and that everyone is different. I've come from a somewhat disgruntled background and my personality shows of it. I appear to harbor anger and regret for works of injustice done against me that I feel I need to let go. I need to breathe them out in a sigh of relief. I essentially think God as angry, in the sense that I'm not good enough for him. Each day I must strive to tell myself "I don't have to live like this", coming to grips with the true son of God who took my guilt on that cross so that I don't have to live like this."

peace and love be with you,
jeremy

broken, unsure, false, and insecure

This is the first time I’ve written anything in nearly 6 months...Multnomah has taken up a lot of time. The first half of the semester is over and I’m now able to work on some writing. This is really just a springboard for me to get back into the blog world as I have been in hiding for so long.

I’ve had some serious down falls in my life these past few months. Stuff that I have kept at bay and haven’t really let out. Now, you may be asking yourself “what hasn’t been let out?” because in the last few blogs I’ve been to open and honest and real with everything in my life that it seems like I’m an open book person. But alas, I still have many secrets and skeletons that grace the space behind the door of my closet.

I’ve had a lot of questions concerning the legitimacy of some relationships (note the “some”, not ALL.) I’ve gone to bed almost every night with a emotional pain inside of me, desiring truth and authenticity and grace and acceptance. I’ve had several questions about the reality of life, God, and the future. I’ll give a real reason why. First all, as most know, I’ve had to deal with A LOT of negative criticism and self-loathing over the years growing up. I still do deal with a lot of self-loathing and a desire to be more (or different, really.)

Sometimes I wonder what people really do think about me, because they’re actions seem to show some things. For example, recently a group of close friends here at school (one who is a VERY good friend of mine; some who are new students who I am not close with) decided to play a practical joke on me for an entire month. They somehow got the idea to make me think a particular individual was of a particular persuasion. So, for an entire month, they decided to screw with me. I of course fell right into the trap because the individual who was the pinnacle of the joke was someone I had only known for about a month or so. I had no reason to think otherwise, because I didn’t know the person very well. What other conclusion was I to come to? I barely knew this person. Come to find out a month later nearly 10 people were involved with this stupid prank they played on me, and they were finding joy and entertainment in my insecurity and ignorance. For a while I tried to shrug it off but I just haven’t been able to. In reality, it hurt. It cut deep because some of the people involved were my very close friends from school, and I thought they’d never act so foolishly with me. I feel like they pretty much decided that I was so insecure and unstable that I should be screwed with because they knew I’d believe this lie. How pathetic! What really hurts isn’t so much how or what they did, but the fact that they did it to me. Sometimes I wonder if people don’t understand that I’m a deeply emotionally scarred person who’s tired of having people be fake. I know that some people clearly didn’t know how emotionally insecure I can be, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. What hurts is the fact that they decide to screw with me, for a whole month. Was it a joke? Yes. Was it clever? Sure. Was it funny? I would probably laugh at it if it wasn‘t on me. I’ll give it to them that. It was creative and well structured, well planned and well orchestrated. But I cannot begin to wrap my mind around the idea of why they chose me, one of the most emotionally unstable people around, to mess with. I’ve tried letting it go, but I can’t let it go, because it now throws the legitimacy of friendships I’ve had into question. It’s brought back a lot of painful memories from my past unfortunately. It was hard to watch friends laugh at my ignorance. I tried to shrug it off but it’s stuck with me too long for some reason. Why is it always me that people have to find their comical pleasure in? Why is it always my emotions and faults that people find entertainment in? Can I take a joke? sure I can. Is it all in clean fun? sure. But what does that do to someone’s esteem when people always do it to one person. I try not to let things bother me, but in the long run I think that if something is drawn out than it will bother me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m like this little pawn that can be pulled around on a string like a puppet for the pleasure of people. I want people to take me seriously and have real respect. I’ve been screwed with a lot and I want to be able to live life with it. I feel like people need to acknowledge that we aren’t all perfect. We all have struggles, problems, questions, emotions, and we need to feel comfortable in our own skin. In the words of Byron Kehler, we are more alike than we are different. And if people realize that we all aren’t perfect, then we need to start talking about it and bringing it out in the open. We cannot grow in isolation. We were made for community.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotional pain lately. Ben Thomas talked about living in community and being real and authentic with people at Multnomah during our all dorm meeting. He talked about being authentic and genuine about our brokenness. I’m an extremely broken person, and I haven’t been made whole yet. I will not be made whole until the day of Christ’s return. I realize that people are different and that we all have feelings, but I don’t understand why we feel we have to mask ourselves so well from others. Are we too afraid to be real with people?

What would happen if we went around being real with people to the point were we saw so much how broken we are that our cultural and personal and theological biases began to break down and we began to be a real community of people who love each other too much to let us fall and be hurt. What if we began to live as a body of Christ followers holding each other up in a communal fashion so that when we fall we won’t hit the bottom? I think that would bring about a lot of respect in the long run. I’m not saying we go around being jerks by telling them how much we disagree with them or that we reveal the deepest parts of our lives to EVERYONE, but I’m talking about not being afraid to speak your mind in an open fashion and not being afraid you’ll be ridiculed for it. To be able to trust and know that we are loved and valued and respected. I realize that confidentiality is a big part of being real because some things are way to personal for others to understand. But what if we were to live with no more skeleton’s in our closets? We have a strong desire to be right in this world, but I think we need to focus more on the fact that no one is right except Jesus. If we could do that, then would we see how much our universal need for Jesus is and then extend the love we have for each other to others? I think it’s something to think about. I know I could strongly benefit from a community like that.

Now, I’m not saying that the current community is bad. That’s definitely not the case. But I just think it could be so much better. So much more authentic. So much more decentralized and more communally focused. I think we could always strive to live for Christ NOW, better, stronger, livelier, and more aware.