this is who i am

My life story

This is my life story, about who I am, where I came from, and what I am about. Let us not waste any time. I was born April 29th, 1986 in Portland, Oregon. I was born 22 ½ weeks pre-mature, weighing only 1lb. 6 oz. I couldn’t breathe on my own, was on a ventilator, and my eyes were fused shut. If I could post pictures of it I certainly would, and I may do so later on, but right now I don’t have any baby pictures with me. I was miniscule, tiny, petite, and didn’t seem to have hope of surviving. The doctors handed me into my mother’s arms saying, “we will let you hold him when he dies.” her response was a stern rejection, proclaiming that if God wants to take me, he will do so, but as long as my body is on this earth, everything shall be done within human power to save my life!
At that, the doctors went to it. I was hooked up to a crap load of machines that would now probably look like an old Atari game system. I had tubes coming out of my body, I.V.’s everywhere. It was like a scene from a scary movie sort of…or maybe like something from E.R. or House. After two weeks my eyes opened and I was introduced to the world. I was in the hospital for a total of 8 months from the day I was born. My parents often got calls in the middle of the night from the day I was born saying that I wasn’t going to make it through the night. They spent countless hours at my bedside praying for God’s healing power and protection. And then I was finally able to go home…for some time. I was soon back in the hospital time after time with pneumonia in my lungs…calls would come in from the hospital, saying I was on my death bed…still, prayers lifted up from friends and family around the country. They came from everywhere from Hawaii to Indiana to New York. Never once did my parents and grandparents lose faith in God. Jesus was their rock.
While I was home, I was put on 24 hour ventilation monitoring (In case I accidentally stopped breathing) and had a gigantic baby monitor that was on 24/7. Then it seemed to die down a bit…for the next two years, I spent days in physical therapy trying to get my tiny body to function and develop as normally as possible…it was determined that I had a neuromuscular condition that to this day is unknown in it‘s origin (for the most part, it appears to be Muscular Dystrophy.) If you see me around campus walking kind of limp, or slow, it’s because my body tires out a lot faster than you’re average male. Because of this problem I was not at all athletic in my school years. It was most notably these situations that spawned my love for art, music, poetry, reading, and writing!
In 1992 my parents felt called to adopt children from the ravaged orphanages in Romania. Tens upon thousands of Gypsy babies were cram packed in orphanages and being left for dead…my parents went and, long story short, came back with two 9 month old twin girls, whom we named Ruth (after my grandmother) and Joy (I’m not sure to this day why that name came about). It turns out, that the girls were diagnosed with mild to severe autism.
Now, let’s just say that the State of Hawaii DOE isn’t exactly what it should be (if you Google “Hawaii public school problems”, you’ll see what I mean.) I was the kid who was teased, harassed, picked- on, and degraded; and I had no friends. I had a serious lack of community with friends. I remember in 4th grade the entire class called me gay! I was psychologically destroyed, conditioned to believe I was worthless, ugly, un-attractive, and stupid. I would come to school in the morning and the kids would say (pretty much everyday) “why did you have to come to school today, you’re so stupid, you should just say home!” Ouch! That was a scar size extra large! Depression and anxiety were embedded deep within me!
When I finally got out of public school, I found true friends…well, I had 1. It was there, when I was 12 that I met my best friend Ian Grotenhuis. Now, I’m the kind of guy who grew up having only two or 3 best friends my whole life, and that’s it. I was never a popular kid. I still was teased and taunted, picked on for being “different.” But I knew Ian was there. We shared laughs and memories and to this day we can recall almost anything that happened over those few years. I went through a lot in private school. And then high school reared its ugly head at me. I was 16 going on 17 and only a high school freshman. There were some ups and downs…rivalries, disownments, mistakes that I watched my friends make, that I disapproved of, but they didn’t seem to care about my opinion… after my freshman year, sophomore year didn’t prove to be any better. I went through a serious bout of depression and was involved with cutting. Friends turned their backs and totally stabbed me in the back and I was scarred by the leadership (some of them teachers) who thought they were better than everyone else. The events that year was what made me decide to leave school and attend community college.
It was in the summer of 2004 that my life was changed forever…I was on my way with my 7 best friends to SpringHill Camps in Michigan to be a part of their high school program called TST (Teen Service Team). My world was changed upside down by God’s grace. TST teams are divided into teams of 30 teens that do work around the camp all the way from maintenance to accommodations work to construction…it’s a student work service program…high schoolers would come for 2 weeks at a time and be placed on a team of 25 teens (co-ed), with 5 counselors. I was pumped and super excited that God was gonna rock out! For months prior to the trip I had been praying that God would use me in amazing ways on this trip. But things ended up changing…when we arrived at the camp (which is a total of 810 acre’s with nearly 800 staff members and about 2000 campers enrolled each week, from 1st grade through High School!) we figured out that I was some how put on a separate team away from ALL of my friends. We were originally supposed to be together, but apparently God had other plans. I was put on a separate team because of my health conditions. Being the socially anxious, shy person that I was, I freaked! I literally probably felt the worse I’ve ever felt in my life that day! I was a wreck! I figured, “This is not what I paid for, and this is not going to help me!” I thought I was bound for failure…but God had other plans…the first few days were rough, but after the first week; I realized that I was really having the best time of my life!!! God rocked out like crazy! I met the nicest, most sincere friends I have ever met in my entire life, whom I still keep in contact with to this day! God broke my heart, and allowed me to see what He can do in any situations if I only trust Him…My team leader, Krista, became one of my heroes in life, because she wanted so bad for me to feel welcomed, loved, accepted, and a part of the team. She knew I had problems, and was SOULY committed to helping overcome my fears!!! And she did! She went out of here way to make me feel accepted, and the other people did too!!! I remember when a girl named Courtney talked to me constantly about Hawaii (and I’ll be honest, that was a big hit with everyone “he’s from Hawaii, he’s so COOL!!!”) and about life…she really tried hard to crack my shell, and she did! By the last night of campfires, I shared with everyone how God had shown me how to succeed on my own and how I am loved by Him. Tears rolled down my face as I expressed how much I had fallen in love with SpringHill! That final day was probably one of the hardest days of my life!
It is by God’s provision that I’ve gone back to work at SpringHill Camps for the past two summers as Summer Staff and I am planning to go back their again and work with them full time. This past summer I was blessed enough to see Krista walk down the aisle and get married! SpringHill is why I’m majoring in youth ministry! I’ve never experienced community anywhere else like I have at SpringHill. No offense guys, but I’ll even go as far to say that SpringHill focuses on community stronger than Multnomah does! (Now, that’s a bold statement!) Although I’m sure it depends on one’s own experience. Multnomah is still were I want to be and it is probably the most loving, community focused school I have ever been at.
Today, I still am wrestling with a lot of personal issues in my life that will take years to overcome, but God has been faithful. I have been immensely blessed and will continue to seek God wherever His truth manifests itself. This is my life story! God is love.