DISCLAIMER: I APOLOGIZE FOR MY USE OF STRONG LANGUAGE HOWEVER I FEEL IT IS NECESSARY TO EXPRESS MYSELF PROPERLY AT THIS TIME.
Nature's first green is gold.
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf
So Eden sank to grief
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.
- Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost
This is something I’ve needed to vent for quite some time.
Nothing gold can stay. That feels like my life right at this very moment. Nothing is what life is. I’m not someone who has had an easy life, and I’ve pulled through some of the toughest times I can think of. But now I find little value in the answers that mindless culture and religion try to offer. There’s a lot I could say about my life, but here’s a quick history lesson.
- I have a lot of chronic health problems from being born 4 months early, 23 weeks premature April 29, 1986. I have a chronic neuro-muscular condition which basically means that I cannot run a whole lot or walk very far or do a lot of strenuous activities without getting immensely fatigued. I had learning disabilities growing up and was "just a little slower than most", to quote Radio. I have issues with insomnia and have struggled with my weight. You can read more about all of this here.
- Because I was a preemie, I've been a social disgust to my family and friends (this can explain some of it) I've suffered from clinical depression for nearly the past 10 years and even contemplated suicide at one point.
Through years of talk therapy and proper use of medication I have emerged a strong fighter with the hope of success. I still struggle with depression and I struggle with literally not pissing people off or offending them because I don't have the "filter" other people have, or at least that's what people have said about me.
Currently my life at this point in time is nothing to praise. I'm going to graduate from college in less than a year and I’m scared shitless! I've never really had a real job. The closest I've come to having a real job was doing custodial work on my campus (for some extra cash) and being a camp counselor. Both were legitimate positions with W4's and all that, but, I'm honesty scared to death about the future because I've never done stuff like rented an apartment and supported myself. I've never had a livable income and to be honest, in the most general sense of the term, "I still live with my parents."
I’m 23 and have never had a girl be interested in me and wonder and worry if I am ever going to marry. My social quirks and “issues” put me in quite a low position when it comes to the women factor. However, because God created me to seek emotional intimacy with a female, sometimes my stomach will LITERALLY feel pain and anxiety when I think about my future and the possibility of having a wife and family. My hopes get crushed. I want to have confidence, but I honestly just don’t know where to get it because it seems as if this world would rather lock me up and throw away the key, keeping me from “harming society” so to speak.
When it comes to success and the future, what I've noticed is that society looks for top notch people and I am certainly not one of those! With my disabilities I'm not the first person people want to hire for a job. I've noticed a lot of resume's have awards and honors people have received, and most people have some type of distinguished achievements. I have none of that! I'm an average student who is probably going to graduate with a 2.5 GPA and have ZERO awards or achievements. To be honest, my resume' really will look like shit and I'm afraid I'll end up one of those 30 year old mooches who is single and lives with his mother!
My parents keep on hounding me to make something of myself. They keep saying that I'm not showing them that I have the ability and skills to live on my own and survive! They have expectations of me that I haven't even considered yet, though I am fucking senior in college. Every time I go home for the holidays or summer or when we talk on the phone, my mom always says "have you thought about a job yet?" when in reality I'm just trying to survive that day. In reality, I feel like I'm running out of hope, and my parents are the only people who I really have who can support me in every way. I feel hopeless, like I want to walk of the face of this planet and go lovingly into the arms of Jesus and not have to worry anymore. My mother speaks constantly how she’s worried I won’t have a job and won’t be able to support myself! And when it comes down to it, comments like that don’t necessarily raise my hopes of succeeding in life. It makes me want to curl up and die, because it seems like I’m never going to be anywhere. In my entire life, I have ALWAYS felt like I’m only second best. I’m like that player who is benched and only put in the game when no one else is left to play. That back up guy who isn’t really needed, but is there just in case everything else fails.
With that I find myself asking the age old question? What is life for? Now, I know the answer is that we are to love God and love others, thereby advancing His kingdom on earth until He returns, at which He will judge the living and the dead, finally restoring His Kingdom. God seeks to restore all things in Heaven and on earth unto himself, through the blood sacrifice of his only son Jesus Christ. This restoration comes by the eternal life given to all who accept God’s free gift of salvation, grace offered to them eternally and unconditionally. I understand that my purpose is to advance the Kingdom of God and bring Him glory by his unconditional, never-ending love. But I’m beginning to feel like my work in His Kingdom is really not worth completing because there are several people who are so much more capable of advancing the Kingdom of God than I am. Hell, I can barely support myself and have no real hope for a future. I often wonder why I was delt this hand in life. Why am I always second best, never good enough to be first?
I will say that there a people who have greatly encouraged and supported me and have given me a splinter of hope in this messed up world. These are the people who have stuck by me or who have mentored me in ways I cannot explain. The efforts and encouragement are greatly appreciated and I want to say that Thank You and that I love you.
But that ever-so-destructive thought of continued failure, of only being second best, and of not succeeding grips the inner parts of my soul and eats me alive. I pray God has mercy on my tortured soul!
Grace and Peace to you,
jeremy
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Monday, May 04, 2009
The Great Divorce, The Lost Chapter
This is my artistic project for Dr. G's C.S. Lewis class. It's an alternate scene to The Great Divorce (as you probably already guessed from the title) and it's about when the main character encounters a conversation between a health and wealth pastor and a Heavenly soul (The Solid Man). Hope you like it.
The Great Divorce – The Lost Chapter
Suddenly I looked and saw in the distance a man that appeared somewhat familiar. He was certainly a Ghost, and I knew I had seen him before, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around who he was. I started to make my way towards him but kept my distance, so as not to grab his attention. I kept on walking amidst the bright light, noticing however that the light was getting dimmer and dimmer the closer I got to him. As I got closer I noticed a Solid Man standing with him, deep in conversation. I moved in close so I could hear them clearly and neatly planted myself behind a bush, watching carefully to keep myself hidden so as not to disrupt their conversation.
When I took a good look at him I noticed he was not like some of the other ghosts. He was an older man, I’d say probably in his mid 40s on earth when he came to be, and was very well dressed and groomed quite nicely. He was somewhat of a stalky figure, about 5’ 10” tall, a bit overweight but not obese.
I looked a bit more closely and noticed he was dressed in a fine suit and tie, Giorgio Armani or Ralph Lauren it must have been, and custom tailored to his own preferences for I had never seen a suit cut quite like his. Clasped around his wrist was what appeared to be a genuine gold Rolex watch, though it didn’t keep time of course, for there is no use for a time peace when time does not exist. His feet were graced with authentic Louis Vuitton loafers, which would probably be worth quite a shilling on earth. His outfit was certainly of a different class than what most people could have afforded on earth. This ghost was certainly a rich man when he was alive.
I sat there in a rather puzzled state, still trying to think of who he was. I knew that I knew him from somewhere, but where? Tilting my head closer I leaned in to hear the conversation between the ghost and the Solid Creature.
“Why! Why! Why! Why am I not with you?” exclaimed the Well Dressed Ghost. “Why was I sent Down There? It doesn’t make any sense! Why, I thought I’d certainly be one of the ones up here with you! I, I just don’t get it.”
His voice was deep and rather soothing despite his frustration, like the sound a calmly flowing stream or tall grass waving in the wind in a meadow. His voice seemed so familiar, but still I couldn’t place him in my earth-filled memory, if such a thing even “exists.”
The Solid Man soon responded. “The more you question yourself, the more you will never see the answer. If you could take one good look in a mirror I’d think you’d see.”
“What! Was it true? Was I really to rich to enter heaven?” the ghost sharply responded, now with an even more puzzled look on his face.
“It is not your possessions that kept you so far away. In fact, with all the wealth you did acquire, you could’ve done so much more and you would have come so much closer. It was not what you had, but what you did that kept you stuck.”
What I did! What I did! How can you say that! All I did was my job, weekly, and I spoke with him quite frequently as well. Why, I did such great things, you see. What about all those amazing stories? It was you who was behind all those, wasn’t it? How can you say it’s what I did when all I did was what you told me to do?!” The ghost was still greatly perplexed; his eyes were bright with confusion as he seemed to scratch his head. His tear ducts were swollen with anxiety as he did not understand what the Solid Man was saying.
“Well, I will say that it was certainly us who declared some of those wonderful things, and I am not going to say that good did not come out of it.” Replied the solid man
“Well then why am I stuck down there? Oh please, just give me the answer! All this bantering is not worth the hassle. I just want to know! Why won’t you tell me? I can tell you story after story. What about that lady who was bound to a wheel-chair? She couldn’t walk. She was in so much pain, and was crying in anguish! I asked with boldness for her healing and proclaimed his words over her! And she walked! She stood up out of her old-rickety wheel chair and walked! Are you telling me that it was the devil that did that? Are you really saying that to me?”
Finally, it hit me who this man was! He was once a preacher, and a rather famous one at that! His name was Timothy Jones, a pastor from the Grace Church in Atlanta, Georgia! This greatly puzzled me, because the last person you’d expect to see in hell was a pastor! Every Sunday his church broadcasted services on public broadcast television in London! His church seemed to do such great things for Christianity. Always healing and saving people, at least I thought so. Granted I shall say that I did not agree with all of their theology. I felt like they stressed a form of faith that pretty much said all Christians should be healthy, rich, wonderful people. Anything that went wrong was not our fault but the Devil, trying to destroy us. They never seemed to talk about what Christians called sin and they always focused on what they could be doing wit their money.
The ghost continued:
“What about that healing center? That prayer hall? What about the satellite dish that broadcasted services? All those things, you say weren’t about God? Are you telling me that wasn’t God at all but Satan?” the Ghost persisted. He was extremely puzzled at what the Solid Man was saying.
The solid man spoke again “Mr. Jones, it never is the things you do that get you into heaven?” “And I believed that, and taught it” The ghost interjected.
“You say you believed it, but did you really? You gave yourself such a gigantic salary and spent it in such frivolous ways, that you never were able to focus on who you really were! You never taught your people about repentance, about sin, or about judgment. All you gave them was what they wanted to hear. I watched you for many years and year after year, I began to notice that you didn’t ever teach anything more that what made everyone feel good. I knew that you yourself didn’t believe it either.”
“Didn’t I do all those things in His name? Didn’t I attribute all those miracles to God?” the ghost interjected again.
“Mr. Jones, in your conversion experience, you claimed that God appeared to you in a dream and that from then on you were called to ministry. Didn’t you ever stop to think that maybe the devil could have been behind those things? You never really repented of your sins; you believed that it was all just wiped clean! You thought you were all-in free. Worse off, how many of those healings actually happened? You used gullible Christians to make money for yourself by showing off faked miracle-healings and forced people to believe that if they gave you money, they’d be rich and be blessed. All that money went back into your pocket Mr. Jones. Don’t you see? It was about you! It was always about you and never about God! God was your little pawn which you used to your own selfish-advantage. I am not saying that your wealth is bad thing in and of itself, but remember that to whom much is given, much is required. You had money, power, and fame and you never shared it with anyone!”
“Never shared! Never shared! What about that orphanage, that hospital we built, what about all those starving kids in Africa we saved?” Mr. Jones again proceeded to plead with the Solid Man, still trying to legitimize himself.
“Did that money really go towards all those things? Furthermore, did you really want to send that money away out of love, or was it out of a sort of spiritual obligation. Mr. Jones, you took and took and took but never gave back! You performed miracles, but never knew who He was. You never really loved, did you? All this time He had His arms stretched out towards you, but you never received Him. His grace was given, but resisted!”
At this point I noticed that Mr. Jones had what appeared to be a bible in his hands, except it seemed to be quite heavy, for he seemed to be struggling to carry it. A look closer revealed that the Bible was not only heavy, but the pages were blank; it was as if Mr. Jones had his own bible in which he wrote in himself, as if he was determining what the bible said.
I noticed too that extending out from the apparent bible were chains, which seemed to morph slowing into Mr. Jones suit, almost as if they became one. Then I noticed what it was! The bible was heavy on Mr. Jones heart, but his heart was so selfish that he could not open up the bible, no matter how hard he tried. His heart was hard. Mr. Jones soon turned away from the Solid Man, again raging on and on “Why me? Why me? I’m a pastor and I’m supposed to be in Heaven!” His ghostly figure soon faded away and soon he was no more to be seen. He seemed to wander off into his own world, as if he preferred to be by himself.
Friday, May 01, 2009
God in the mosh pit, part II
I was not intending to write a second blog about another experience at a hardcore show, but this one just kind of came to mind and I couldn’t let it go untouched. Last Saturday night I went to see one of my new favorite hardcore/metalcore bands play at the Hawthorne Theater in Portland. The Devil Wears Prada (also known as TDWP) (yes, they got their name from the book, but for a different reason) is a hardcore band from Dayton, Ohio and are what some in the evangelical subculture would consider a “Christian” band. Since the band’s first record in early 2006 I have been a devoted fan.
The name of the band came when one of the band members read Lauren Weisberger’s critically acclaimed novel The Devil Wears Prada. The story is about a controlling, stylish-New York fashion magazine editor who is known for her stuck up, selfish attitude, and is referred to as “the Devil incarnate” by some of her employees. From the reference to fashion comes the catchy title, The Devil Wears Prada.
TDWP lead vocalist Mike Hranica states the band’s name, while from the novel, is about the concept of how the devil uses materialism and consumerism to remove our focus from loving God. Hranica stated in an interview, “if the devil were walking around, he would be wearing Prada or Gucci, or some super expensive clothing just so he could go around and be like, ‘Yo! Check out what I’m wearing! I’m wearing this sweet stuff!’ God, on the other hand, would be walking around wearing rags because he wouldn’t care. He’d be like, ‘You know what? I’m clothed; it’s all good. I am just as good as all these other people walking around.’”
The show was intense as mind blowing, as I was expecting, but I noticed something in particular that I’ve never really noticed before. I think music is certainly a gift from a loving God who created us to be creative and reflect His love. I’ve noticed that when I’m at most rock shows, up close and squished between sweaty bodies of people I’d probably avoid if I saw them on the street, this overwhelming sense of passion begins to overtake my body, and with the adrenaline rush from the live show, I all of a sudden I feel like I am capable to take on anything and save the world. I’ve noticed that I frequently find myself thinking of social justice initiatives and global peace advocacy when I am with that crowd, rocking out! I’m sure it sounds strange, so let me clarify a few things.
I’ve always had a strong connection with music that is different than just enjoying a song or a band. I seem to really find myself and often find God in music in more often than in nature or in a story. Music just seems to have a special place in my life. Historically, throughout American Evangelical History, metal music has been primarily associated with the demonic influence, Satanism, and evil. The sound of people screaming lyrics seems to resemble more the shriek of demons and appear to be filled with anger rather than the “baah”of a lamb or the peaceful sound of a babbling brook. However I think I see things a bit differently.
When I’m at a hardcore show or even just listening to metal and hardcore music, I envision the screaming and fast paced music more like the roar of the Lion of Judah as He wages war against injustice and sin rather than Satan torturing a soul in Hell. I believe that there will certainly come a day where God will judge the living and the dead and there will be a great war between good and evil and evil will be destroyed.
On the contrary, when I’m enjoying mellow, slow, acoustic music, I envision myself basking in the awe of God’s presence and enjoying His blessed creation. With this sentiment in mind, I wonder if this is how God uses music to connect to us, His creation. It’s one thing to sing a song; it’s another thing to be completely swept away, in awe of grace, joy, beauty, and wonder.
Furthermore, I cannot seem to get over the fact that God uses music and art as a platform to transform us and mold us into His image. I’m not talking about singing praise songs on a Sunday morning in church, I’m talking about the emotions that are drawn up when you hear your favorite band singing your favorite song and what the melody and notes crafted together create within you. While some would say it’s selfish, I think it’s an example of who God made us to be: loving, passionate, and affectionate creatures. God created us with emotions and music is just one way in which we respond with emotion.
I’ve noticed that during a live show, as soon as the band takes the stage, all of a sudden it’s as if all of those little mundane things that separate us as a culture (race, class, religion, skin color, etc) seem to melt away and for a moment we are united together, all focused on one thing, the music that we love. A common good unites us regardless of diversity.
In his captivating story, The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis depicts Aslan the Lion creating the great mystical land of Narnia by singing. Rather than stern, rigid statements and commands, Aslan’s creation comes out in the form of a beautiful, sweet song, with each note building on the previous one. The song begins to reach certain points of climax as Aslan’s creation becomes more and more beautiful and more complex. Lewis brilliantly captures a rather beautiful expression of God’s artistic ability through the use of a beautiful medium, song. Lewis weaves together the intricacies of the Creation narrative while simultaneously capturing the beauty of what the experience of creation would have been like if we were there to see it, because God said that it was good and beautiful.
There is no song or music piece that captures God’s heart perfectly, for I think if such a song existed, it would have to contain elements of heavy metal, jazz, acoustic guitar, piano, etc. The music of God is something that is so mysterious yet so revolutionary, it cannot be captured.
I believe God has written us to perform certain parts of his song called Redemption and that we all play a different tune at different times. When put together this displays a beautiful example of the true and living God. God the Father through Christ’s redemptive sacrifice given by His Spirit is a song that is being composed and written and will one day be performed. As each day goes by He is making edits and deletions of parts of that song in each one of us until it is just right. When that day comes He will return and will look at his beautiful creation once again and say, “it is good.”
Until that day, I ask you to think of what song you are singing. What music are you playing with your life? Maybe you’re destroying injustice or maybe you’re relaxing in God’s presence. Or maybe you’re playing a sad song that makes God weep and He desires to retune that song until it’s a beautiful reflection of His love for you. What song are you playing, and what song are you called to play?
The name of the band came when one of the band members read Lauren Weisberger’s critically acclaimed novel The Devil Wears Prada. The story is about a controlling, stylish-New York fashion magazine editor who is known for her stuck up, selfish attitude, and is referred to as “the Devil incarnate” by some of her employees. From the reference to fashion comes the catchy title, The Devil Wears Prada.
TDWP lead vocalist Mike Hranica states the band’s name, while from the novel, is about the concept of how the devil uses materialism and consumerism to remove our focus from loving God. Hranica stated in an interview, “if the devil were walking around, he would be wearing Prada or Gucci, or some super expensive clothing just so he could go around and be like, ‘Yo! Check out what I’m wearing! I’m wearing this sweet stuff!’ God, on the other hand, would be walking around wearing rags because he wouldn’t care. He’d be like, ‘You know what? I’m clothed; it’s all good. I am just as good as all these other people walking around.’”
The show was intense as mind blowing, as I was expecting, but I noticed something in particular that I’ve never really noticed before. I think music is certainly a gift from a loving God who created us to be creative and reflect His love. I’ve noticed that when I’m at most rock shows, up close and squished between sweaty bodies of people I’d probably avoid if I saw them on the street, this overwhelming sense of passion begins to overtake my body, and with the adrenaline rush from the live show, I all of a sudden I feel like I am capable to take on anything and save the world. I’ve noticed that I frequently find myself thinking of social justice initiatives and global peace advocacy when I am with that crowd, rocking out! I’m sure it sounds strange, so let me clarify a few things.
I’ve always had a strong connection with music that is different than just enjoying a song or a band. I seem to really find myself and often find God in music in more often than in nature or in a story. Music just seems to have a special place in my life. Historically, throughout American Evangelical History, metal music has been primarily associated with the demonic influence, Satanism, and evil. The sound of people screaming lyrics seems to resemble more the shriek of demons and appear to be filled with anger rather than the “baah”of a lamb or the peaceful sound of a babbling brook. However I think I see things a bit differently.
When I’m at a hardcore show or even just listening to metal and hardcore music, I envision the screaming and fast paced music more like the roar of the Lion of Judah as He wages war against injustice and sin rather than Satan torturing a soul in Hell. I believe that there will certainly come a day where God will judge the living and the dead and there will be a great war between good and evil and evil will be destroyed.
On the contrary, when I’m enjoying mellow, slow, acoustic music, I envision myself basking in the awe of God’s presence and enjoying His blessed creation. With this sentiment in mind, I wonder if this is how God uses music to connect to us, His creation. It’s one thing to sing a song; it’s another thing to be completely swept away, in awe of grace, joy, beauty, and wonder.
Furthermore, I cannot seem to get over the fact that God uses music and art as a platform to transform us and mold us into His image. I’m not talking about singing praise songs on a Sunday morning in church, I’m talking about the emotions that are drawn up when you hear your favorite band singing your favorite song and what the melody and notes crafted together create within you. While some would say it’s selfish, I think it’s an example of who God made us to be: loving, passionate, and affectionate creatures. God created us with emotions and music is just one way in which we respond with emotion.
I’ve noticed that during a live show, as soon as the band takes the stage, all of a sudden it’s as if all of those little mundane things that separate us as a culture (race, class, religion, skin color, etc) seem to melt away and for a moment we are united together, all focused on one thing, the music that we love. A common good unites us regardless of diversity.
In his captivating story, The Magician's Nephew, C.S. Lewis depicts Aslan the Lion creating the great mystical land of Narnia by singing. Rather than stern, rigid statements and commands, Aslan’s creation comes out in the form of a beautiful, sweet song, with each note building on the previous one. The song begins to reach certain points of climax as Aslan’s creation becomes more and more beautiful and more complex. Lewis brilliantly captures a rather beautiful expression of God’s artistic ability through the use of a beautiful medium, song. Lewis weaves together the intricacies of the Creation narrative while simultaneously capturing the beauty of what the experience of creation would have been like if we were there to see it, because God said that it was good and beautiful.
There is no song or music piece that captures God’s heart perfectly, for I think if such a song existed, it would have to contain elements of heavy metal, jazz, acoustic guitar, piano, etc. The music of God is something that is so mysterious yet so revolutionary, it cannot be captured.
I believe God has written us to perform certain parts of his song called Redemption and that we all play a different tune at different times. When put together this displays a beautiful example of the true and living God. God the Father through Christ’s redemptive sacrifice given by His Spirit is a song that is being composed and written and will one day be performed. As each day goes by He is making edits and deletions of parts of that song in each one of us until it is just right. When that day comes He will return and will look at his beautiful creation once again and say, “it is good.”
Until that day, I ask you to think of what song you are singing. What music are you playing with your life? Maybe you’re destroying injustice or maybe you’re relaxing in God’s presence. Or maybe you’re playing a sad song that makes God weep and He desires to retune that song until it’s a beautiful reflection of His love for you. What song are you playing, and what song are you called to play?
Monday, March 02, 2009
The Screwtape Letters I
So I am back at the blogging thing. We just got done with Multnomah's annual Global Missions Conference and so I haven't had class for a whole week! It was a much need break. Neverthess, classes have resumed and my first response to the Screwtape Letters is complete. My response is my own "Screwtape Letter" to a Multnomah student tempting him/her to cheat on exam. I named my demons Anaris and Lucius, two names that I think can be "cult-like."
grace and peace,
jeremy
My Dear Anaris,
I have am rather perturbed that your patient has dedicated himself to becoming a student of the Enemy’s book. This collection of mythical nonsense has proven itself to be the most hated means of charge against us. Do not be discouraged, for your patient is in prime location for you to hone one of our greatest techniques, his honesty. Since a student of The Enemy’s Book is expected to be an honest and trustworthy man, such an institution trusts his judgments and leaves him freedom to make his own moral decisions concerning his education. This works brilliantly when he is stricken with academic responsibilities. As long as you keep his mind focused on his academic achievement aside from his own integrity, you can persuade him to violate his moral conscience in exchange for a more self satisfying achievement of his own. This is what mortals call cheating. As you persuade him to put his Christian duties aside, he substitutes his moral will for the betterment of himself, giving in to his own selfish desires, which is a field of which we are experts. Keep him focused on his own egotistical accomplishments and you have captured him!
Your Affectionate Uncle,
Luciusgrace and peace,
jeremy
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Mere Christianity part III
So I know I am behind in my Mere Christianity blogs, and it just so happens that we are finished with the book! I was sick for a few days and missed 2 classes and did not complete one of my response. Next we begin The Screwtape Letters (SL), which I happen to be more excited for than MC. I will be blogging about SL as well. I hope to be more frequent with my SL blogging!
Nevertheless, instead of posting 2 separate blogs at once, I am compiling all of my remaining responses in this post.
this is from 02/05/09 in response to Lewis' stating that we must be reminded of our faith as Christians on a regular basis.
C.S Lewis says we as Christians must be reminded of what we believe on a regular basis and that that is the purpose of Christian discipline. I myself cannot agree more. It appears often that I struggle daily with the reason why reading the scripture and prayer is important. Often times I feel like I am performing a religious ritual, as if I am not loved enough by God. There are days that I may not feel adequate to call myself a Christian, but through my practice of disciplines such as prayer and studying the scripture, I am repeatedly convinced of the reasons why I am a Christian, not because my faith is week, but because my faith is being trained.
This is my response from 02/11/09. Lewis contends that God wants our full hearts. He wants to commune with us and He wants ALL of who we are.
Imagine a man who desires to begin a romantic relationship with a woman, but he does not wish to spend time with her and engage with her relationally. He does nice things, helps her out, buys her nice gifts, and says nice things about her, but never engages her about her feelings or desires. You wouldn’t think him very genuine companion would you? Yet, that is what we make our relationship with God out to be. We create religious rituals and do nice things but we never take the time to engage God or understand Him. God doesn’t want what we can create, He wants the creator. God wants our hearts, our true selves. He wants to commune with us.
I am excited and anxious to get into the Screwtape Letters and I hope you will consider keeping up with me on this literary journey!
grace and peace,
jeremy
Nevertheless, instead of posting 2 separate blogs at once, I am compiling all of my remaining responses in this post.
this is from 02/05/09 in response to Lewis' stating that we must be reminded of our faith as Christians on a regular basis.
C.S Lewis says we as Christians must be reminded of what we believe on a regular basis and that that is the purpose of Christian discipline. I myself cannot agree more. It appears often that I struggle daily with the reason why reading the scripture and prayer is important. Often times I feel like I am performing a religious ritual, as if I am not loved enough by God. There are days that I may not feel adequate to call myself a Christian, but through my practice of disciplines such as prayer and studying the scripture, I am repeatedly convinced of the reasons why I am a Christian, not because my faith is week, but because my faith is being trained.
This is my response from 02/11/09. Lewis contends that God wants our full hearts. He wants to commune with us and He wants ALL of who we are.
Imagine a man who desires to begin a romantic relationship with a woman, but he does not wish to spend time with her and engage with her relationally. He does nice things, helps her out, buys her nice gifts, and says nice things about her, but never engages her about her feelings or desires. You wouldn’t think him very genuine companion would you? Yet, that is what we make our relationship with God out to be. We create religious rituals and do nice things but we never take the time to engage God or understand Him. God doesn’t want what we can create, He wants the creator. God wants our hearts, our true selves. He wants to commune with us.
I am excited and anxious to get into the Screwtape Letters and I hope you will consider keeping up with me on this literary journey!
grace and peace,
jeremy
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Mere Christianity part II
This is my second blog post of my response to reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. I found out that we do not do 125 word responses for every reading! I wish we did! So, as a compromise, on the days that I do not have a response to post, I will post a favorite quote from the reading comment on it.
This week's response was to Lewis' argument in Book II concerning how God, who in His nature is good and loving, allow for evil to exist. Lewis argues that in order to understand what is truly good, one must already know of that which is evil (or vice versa.) Lewis contends:
A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. (p. 41)
and later, he argues
If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be a word without meaning. (p. 41)
Lewis' conclusion is that God, while loving and ultimately good in nature, must allow for evil to exist if He wants to express His love.
so, here is my response:
jeremy
This week's response was to Lewis' argument in Book II concerning how God, who in His nature is good and loving, allow for evil to exist. Lewis argues that in order to understand what is truly good, one must already know of that which is evil (or vice versa.) Lewis contends:
A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. (p. 41)
and later, he argues
If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be a word without meaning. (p. 41)
Lewis' conclusion is that God, while loving and ultimately good in nature, must allow for evil to exist if He wants to express His love.
so, here is my response:
Lewis argues that God created beings with the free potential (free will) to choose between right and wrong and that man ultimately chose to do wrong which thereby separated him from God. While several people try to wonder how an all loving, good, and righteous God allow evil into a perfect world he created. It seems illogical, for as the apostle John states, God is Love. It appears to be against God’s nature to allow evil to exist. But alas, in reality
you cannot conceive what is evil without first conceiving what is good. In his perfect nature, God had to allow evil to be an option for man because without evil, God’s true love would not exist.
jeremy
Monday, January 26, 2009
Mere Christianity
I have been given the blessing of being Dr. G's class called The Life and Thought of C.S. Lewis! I have been waiting 3 years to take this course and I am finally able to dig into the literary brilliance that is C.S. Lewis! One of our assignments for each Lewis book we read is to write a 125 word max. response to particular things we read.
We just began reading Mere Christianity (MC)! I read MC when I was 15 and back then, I didn't really understand what Lewis was saying. 7 years later I am much more literate and a much brighter individual, and Lewis' words actually make sense to me. I thought it would be a great blogging venture if I shared each of my responses with the world as I make my way through the book. I will be posting my responses every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (the days I have the C.S. Lewis class.) and I would love to hear your feedback on each post!
The first response was to write an alternative analogy to what C.S. Lewis called the "Hallway of the Church." In MC, Lewis says that the Christian church is like standing in a hallway filled with doors and each door leads to a different Christian denomination, the doorman being symbolizing the distinctive each denomination contains. The "Mere" Christian stands in this hall, with a world of choices ahead of him.
here is my alternative to the analogy of the Hallway:
I think the exploration of the church Lewis describes could also be described like a Billiards table. Every individual is holding a pool cue and given the choice of which pocket to shoot the ball into. Imagine each colored ball as a common practice held by all Christians (Eucharist, baptism, prayer, etc) and depending upon which pocket it rolls into determines how it is expressed. We have the decision to choose which pocket we will go into, and we always chose the one that is most accessible; the church that suits our preference. But what would happen if chose another ball and pocket? Would our faith still be the same? Is God still loved? Is Christ still the center?
Grace and Peace,
Jeremy
Friday, January 16, 2009
Sunday, December 28, 2008
God in the mosh pit
The lights were dim and a thick layer of moisture laced the club as 500+ people were packed next to each other, shoulder-to-shoulder. A mixture of cheap beer, cigarettes, and sweat was the aroma that filled the vicinity of the room. There was standing room only and people had clothes drenched in sweat from the heavy activity in the mosh pit and the consistent movement of the crowd. This is the atmosphere you get at a hardcore show. Now, most people at hardcore concerts are there for the music and to experience a band’s live performance, and that is certainly the reason why I was there, however I experienced something I was not expecting. I encountered God.
Underøath is perhaps one of the most prominent metalcore/hardcore bands to come on the “scene” in the last 4 years or so. With over 1 million records sold, they’ve reached mainstream status followed by musical grandeur. With success at their doorstep, you would think that they’d be like any other rock band….alcoholics, womanizers, and drug users. But Underøath is different. Underøath is, as a band, about the name of Jesus Christ. Underøath is what several within Christian subculture would consider a “Christian” band. However you won’t find them doing mega-church tours or Christian youth events and you won’t find them preaching a salvation message from the stage. In addition, you won’t find the average gathering of “churched” youth group kids at an Underøath show. The band of course has fans who are followers of Christ, but they aren’t out to “target” a particular demographic and aren’t about “selling Christ.” Nevertheless Underøath is my favorite band, not just because I love their music but also because of their faith in Christ. The band, at their core, is real and honest with people about who they are and do not separate their faith from the culture they’re part of. Their message is revealed by their actions more than their words (not necessarily lyrics, but “words” from the stage and in the media) and I am particularly eager to see them play tonight!
On this cold November evening at the Roseland Theater in downtown Portland, Underøath puts on a stellar performance and my small yet energetic body is enthralled by the show. The energy from the crowd of devoted fans is astounding and ecstatic! It’s down to last minutes of the show and after an amazing and hard hitting 14 song set the band takes the stage once again for their encore performance.
As anxious as I am to know what their encore will be, my ears prick up and I am soon screaming my heart out in approval as the band begins to play a new fan-favorite off their latest record (Lost in the Sound of Separation), a song entitled Too Bright to See Too Loud to Hear. Unlike the typical scream-rich hardcore/metal music you get from Underøath, this song utilizes the smoothness of vocalist/singer and drummer Aaron Gillespie rather distorted screams of front man Spencer Chamberlain. The song is slow and sweet! I, as well as many other fans, love this song because it speaks of the reality of God’s forgiveness and grace and how we are all loved and cherished as God’s children.
Chills overcame me as I peered at others in my proximity. Not surprisingly, I saw several people, bodies drenched in sweat, with their hands raised in praise and worship to God and embracing the song’s beauty. I soon felt something move inside me that I couldn’t hold back. In the midst of hundreds of sweating, tired, hardcore kids I lifted my hands in worship to my savior, singing a long at the top of my lungs. Before long, it became apparent that I was encountering God’s presence! I stood their basking of the awe of my Savior’s grace, in quite a strange place--a hardcore show! My experience encountering God with Underøath is something I have not forgotten! Every time I hear this song, I am reminded of that night.
I think so many times in our American Evangelical subculture we tend to limit the places and ways in which we can “encounter” God’s presence, having created religion. It seems as though we’ve put God in this box with rules attached to Him, and we’re only “allowed to” encounter and experience God in certain ways (Prayer, “quiet time”, church on Sunday morning, etc) as if He’s not around other times or doesn’t care. I think worship is holistic in nature, being an embodied response to God for what He’s done for us, regardless of our environment, upbringing, etc.
When it comes to encountering God in the arts, artistic expressions of faith have been limited, if not totally removed from “Christendom” except for the likes of Thomas Kinkade paintings or Fireproof-esque movies (the list could go on) that are created within the subculture with the sole purpose of bait and switch evangelism of the broader culture or being created specifically for Christian people within the subculture. It appears to me that we as evangelicals have restricted God to our finite, western, American, religious systems and nothing more. Where have the artistic expressions of faith gone? Where has the engagement of culture gone?
Too Bright Too See Too Loud to Hear was not written with the intention of worshipping God and the band’s purpose was not evangelism, but it appeared to create an atmosphere of worship among the crowd that night and I believe people encountered the true and living God. The song is first and foremost a work of art, regardless of whether it expresses the faith of the band or not. It led me to encounter God and I felt no different worshipping God in that crowd of people than I did in a church on a Sunday morning. While several within Christian subculture today would say that a hardcore concert at a “secular” venue with “secular/non-Christian” bands performing alongside “Christian” bands is not where we’d go to worship our Savior, I know for a fact that God revealed himself to me there! I experienced God in a place that was not expected and I experienced God through the medium of poetry and music…through art.
I believe the Kingdom of God will break in when and where we least expect it, and God will move in ways we least expect Him to. As MTV’s Diary of a Rock Star says “You think you know, but you have no idea!”
To listen the song Too Bright to See Too Loud to Hear, go here. Click on the “more info” link in the side bar to see the lyrics while the song is playing.
Underøath is perhaps one of the most prominent metalcore/hardcore bands to come on the “scene” in the last 4 years or so. With over 1 million records sold, they’ve reached mainstream status followed by musical grandeur. With success at their doorstep, you would think that they’d be like any other rock band….alcoholics, womanizers, and drug users. But Underøath is different. Underøath is, as a band, about the name of Jesus Christ. Underøath is what several within Christian subculture would consider a “Christian” band. However you won’t find them doing mega-church tours or Christian youth events and you won’t find them preaching a salvation message from the stage. In addition, you won’t find the average gathering of “churched” youth group kids at an Underøath show. The band of course has fans who are followers of Christ, but they aren’t out to “target” a particular demographic and aren’t about “selling Christ.” Nevertheless Underøath is my favorite band, not just because I love their music but also because of their faith in Christ. The band, at their core, is real and honest with people about who they are and do not separate their faith from the culture they’re part of. Their message is revealed by their actions more than their words (not necessarily lyrics, but “words” from the stage and in the media) and I am particularly eager to see them play tonight!
On this cold November evening at the Roseland Theater in downtown Portland, Underøath puts on a stellar performance and my small yet energetic body is enthralled by the show. The energy from the crowd of devoted fans is astounding and ecstatic! It’s down to last minutes of the show and after an amazing and hard hitting 14 song set the band takes the stage once again for their encore performance.
As anxious as I am to know what their encore will be, my ears prick up and I am soon screaming my heart out in approval as the band begins to play a new fan-favorite off their latest record (Lost in the Sound of Separation), a song entitled Too Bright to See Too Loud to Hear. Unlike the typical scream-rich hardcore/metal music you get from Underøath, this song utilizes the smoothness of vocalist/singer and drummer Aaron Gillespie rather distorted screams of front man Spencer Chamberlain. The song is slow and sweet! I, as well as many other fans, love this song because it speaks of the reality of God’s forgiveness and grace and how we are all loved and cherished as God’s children.
Chills overcame me as I peered at others in my proximity. Not surprisingly, I saw several people, bodies drenched in sweat, with their hands raised in praise and worship to God and embracing the song’s beauty. I soon felt something move inside me that I couldn’t hold back. In the midst of hundreds of sweating, tired, hardcore kids I lifted my hands in worship to my savior, singing a long at the top of my lungs. Before long, it became apparent that I was encountering God’s presence! I stood their basking of the awe of my Savior’s grace, in quite a strange place--a hardcore show! My experience encountering God with Underøath is something I have not forgotten! Every time I hear this song, I am reminded of that night.
I think so many times in our American Evangelical subculture we tend to limit the places and ways in which we can “encounter” God’s presence, having created religion. It seems as though we’ve put God in this box with rules attached to Him, and we’re only “allowed to” encounter and experience God in certain ways (Prayer, “quiet time”, church on Sunday morning, etc) as if He’s not around other times or doesn’t care. I think worship is holistic in nature, being an embodied response to God for what He’s done for us, regardless of our environment, upbringing, etc.
When it comes to encountering God in the arts, artistic expressions of faith have been limited, if not totally removed from “Christendom” except for the likes of Thomas Kinkade paintings or Fireproof-esque movies (the list could go on) that are created within the subculture with the sole purpose of bait and switch evangelism of the broader culture or being created specifically for Christian people within the subculture. It appears to me that we as evangelicals have restricted God to our finite, western, American, religious systems and nothing more. Where have the artistic expressions of faith gone? Where has the engagement of culture gone?
Too Bright Too See Too Loud to Hear was not written with the intention of worshipping God and the band’s purpose was not evangelism, but it appeared to create an atmosphere of worship among the crowd that night and I believe people encountered the true and living God. The song is first and foremost a work of art, regardless of whether it expresses the faith of the band or not. It led me to encounter God and I felt no different worshipping God in that crowd of people than I did in a church on a Sunday morning. While several within Christian subculture today would say that a hardcore concert at a “secular” venue with “secular/non-Christian” bands performing alongside “Christian” bands is not where we’d go to worship our Savior, I know for a fact that God revealed himself to me there! I experienced God in a place that was not expected and I experienced God through the medium of poetry and music…through art.
I believe the Kingdom of God will break in when and where we least expect it, and God will move in ways we least expect Him to. As MTV’s Diary of a Rock Star says “You think you know, but you have no idea!”
To listen the song Too Bright to See Too Loud to Hear, go here. Click on the “more info” link in the side bar to see the lyrics while the song is playing.
Monday, December 15, 2008
advent conspiracy
in light of the christmas season and the state of the economy, i invite you to take part in the advent conspiracy.
[worship fully]
[spend less]
[give more]
[love all]
[worship fully]
[spend less]
[give more]
[love all]
Friday, September 19, 2008
can we agree?
If you were to take a room full of 100 Christians and ask them about their theological tenets you would more than likely have a group with rather a wide theological spectrum of beliefs, practices, doctrines, backgrounds, and convictions. Before long you would be able to develop a rather extensive list of disputable matters among these Christians and if you shared the list with its creators, you'd more than likely end up with relatively blistering arguments and rising tensions. This of course would not be a pretty sight to watch.
Moreover, if you took a room of 100 people, 50 Christians and 50 non-Christians, and asked similar questions, you might as well put a bunch of hungry monkeys in a room with only one banana. The vibe in the atmosphere would certainly not be pleasant.
I think we as humans can correctly state that we can become rather uncomfortable around those of which we do not agree with. Be it theology, politics, ethics, personal practice, etc. we, the human race, throughout history have naturally tended to gravitate toward those in which we are in alignment with.
Ever since I can remember I have always struggled to love and befriend those of which I find disagreement with. More recently within the last few years, as my theological and political beliefs have shifted quite profoundly, as a Bible college student I have found myself becoming more and more uncomfortable with those of which I disagree in areas such as theology, politics, and personal practices. In some cases it has even gotten to the point where I don't feel like I can completely be myself in some ways unless I am with people of whom I agree with. This is sad, but true. As in other cases, it has become a rather shameful practice of mine to subconsciously stereotype individuals of whom I disagree with into a completely separate group of people. For example, when disagreements arise, I have essentially said to myself "you think (blank) about this, you must be one of them" Fill in the blanks with whatever labels you wish (liberal, conservative, Calvinist, Arminian, etc) and voila, you have my rather vial thought process. I have conceived a rather dangerous “me vs. them” mentality. This is a personal aspect of which I do not envy, and I have spent many restless nights fighting with myself over my desire to be a truly loving person.
On a wider scale I have always asked the question of how we as evangelical Christians can engage those within our postmodern culture who share different beliefs. I have noticed that we seem to get so hung up on the other’s "wrong" beliefs that we never get past arguing, wasting precious time bickering with one another.
It wasn't until recently that I truly began to understand engagement with culture can look like. I was listening to a sermon MP3 and the pastor mentioned this…
We could spend our time asking questions about rather mundane issues of theology, politics, morality, etc.
But what if we asked different kinds of questions?
Can we as opponents agree, as different as we are, that Christ's body was broken and blood poured for the healing of the world? Can we agree on that? What would it be like if the next time we were in a shouting match with a fellow Christian we said
"Can we agree that Christ's body was broken and his blood poured out for the healing of the world? Can we agree on that?"
Imagine what it would be like if the we engaged someone who was not a Christian, who didn't want anything to do with God, Jesus, The Bible, or Church? What if we asked, "do you agree that the world needs healing? I believe Jesus' body was broken and blood was shed for the healing of this world. Can we agree that the world needs healing? Can we agree on that?"
Also, can we agree on our need for the grace and peace of Christ? Can we agree on that? The interesting thing about our opponents is that we both agree that we both need the grace and peace of Jesus Christ. We a connection we didn’t know we had. Our boundaries would soon look much different and we wouldn't want to throw bombs at each other if we realized our mutual need for the grace and peace of Christ.
What it would be like if this was how we viewed things?
How would our world change?
How would our faith as followers of Christ be changed?
grace and peace,
jeremy
Moreover, if you took a room of 100 people, 50 Christians and 50 non-Christians, and asked similar questions, you might as well put a bunch of hungry monkeys in a room with only one banana. The vibe in the atmosphere would certainly not be pleasant.
I think we as humans can correctly state that we can become rather uncomfortable around those of which we do not agree with. Be it theology, politics, ethics, personal practice, etc. we, the human race, throughout history have naturally tended to gravitate toward those in which we are in alignment with.
Ever since I can remember I have always struggled to love and befriend those of which I find disagreement with. More recently within the last few years, as my theological and political beliefs have shifted quite profoundly, as a Bible college student I have found myself becoming more and more uncomfortable with those of which I disagree in areas such as theology, politics, and personal practices. In some cases it has even gotten to the point where I don't feel like I can completely be myself in some ways unless I am with people of whom I agree with. This is sad, but true. As in other cases, it has become a rather shameful practice of mine to subconsciously stereotype individuals of whom I disagree with into a completely separate group of people. For example, when disagreements arise, I have essentially said to myself "you think (blank) about this, you must be one of them" Fill in the blanks with whatever labels you wish (liberal, conservative, Calvinist, Arminian, etc) and voila, you have my rather vial thought process. I have conceived a rather dangerous “me vs. them” mentality. This is a personal aspect of which I do not envy, and I have spent many restless nights fighting with myself over my desire to be a truly loving person.
On a wider scale I have always asked the question of how we as evangelical Christians can engage those within our postmodern culture who share different beliefs. I have noticed that we seem to get so hung up on the other’s "wrong" beliefs that we never get past arguing, wasting precious time bickering with one another.
It wasn't until recently that I truly began to understand engagement with culture can look like. I was listening to a sermon MP3 and the pastor mentioned this…
We could spend our time asking questions about rather mundane issues of theology, politics, morality, etc.
But what if we asked different kinds of questions?
Can we as opponents agree, as different as we are, that Christ's body was broken and blood poured for the healing of the world? Can we agree on that? What would it be like if the next time we were in a shouting match with a fellow Christian we said
"Can we agree that Christ's body was broken and his blood poured out for the healing of the world? Can we agree on that?"
Imagine what it would be like if the we engaged someone who was not a Christian, who didn't want anything to do with God, Jesus, The Bible, or Church? What if we asked, "do you agree that the world needs healing? I believe Jesus' body was broken and blood was shed for the healing of this world. Can we agree that the world needs healing? Can we agree on that?"
Also, can we agree on our need for the grace and peace of Christ? Can we agree on that? The interesting thing about our opponents is that we both agree that we both need the grace and peace of Jesus Christ. We a connection we didn’t know we had. Our boundaries would soon look much different and we wouldn't want to throw bombs at each other if we realized our mutual need for the grace and peace of Christ.
What it would be like if this was how we viewed things?
How would our world change?
How would our faith as followers of Christ be changed?
grace and peace,
jeremy
Thursday, July 24, 2008
setting the record straight
for quite a while I've been ambiguous about my particular views and opinions on certain individuals and opinions/views. Basically I'm letting it all out for the world to know.
here's the skinny:
- i am voting for Barack Obama because I cannot stand the corruption of America's health care and education system and i want our troops to get out of Iraq and to come home or go to places like Afghanistan where the fighting actually matters. I also think with clear boundaries and guidelines, we can successfully conduct embryotic stem cell research without destroying living embryo's or putting a demand on abortions and in turn possibly cure HIV/AIDS and other diseases.
- i am a political moderate who doesn't care for big government and has a moral stance against abortion, homosexual marriage, and meaningless war but at the same time i don't like like that the government screws over less fortunate Americans, disregards global climate change, and allows human trafficking to exist.
- i am tired of fellow believers and politicians trying to push a certain view on me that doesn't matter. I am an individual and I have a right to my own opinions/views.
- i am a strong egalitarian and do not have a single problem with women in church ministry, eldership, or the pastorate anywhere. period.
- i am tired of people treating certain individuals (Christian leaders, professors, etc) like they are the next best thing since sliced bread. These people are human and capable of fault just like anyone else. Just because they are advocating a particular view doesn't mean they have it all nailed.
- i do not agree with the likes of Pastor Mark Driscoll and think he has made some seriously offensive statements and remarks as well as expressed theological and social arrogance towards others that is uncalled for, anywhere at anytime to anyone. the same goes for people like Wayne Grudem, John Piper, and John MacArthur. They are great men of God but I do not agree with them fully on everything. You will not be able to "convert" me to the likes of these men, so if you are trying to do so, STOP!
- i do not have a problem with Emergent Village and support them completely. I do however have strong disagreements with Doug Pagitt and I think he is a universalist who is teaching false doctrine and a dangerous theology rooted in subjective postmodern relativism. However I think some of Doug's points about preaching, prayer, and community are worth consideration. I have some heavy disagreements with Brian McLaren and Tony Jones as well, but I do not think they are wolves in sheep's clothing.
- i do not agree completely with the theological positions of Rob Bell or Mars Hill Bible Church. However, Rob's teaching has significantly changed my life and my world view ever since the Summer of 2004 and I consider him a great influence in my life. I do not think that Mars Hill or Rob Bell teach heresy and believe they are theologically solid at their core.
- i do not have a problem with homosexual civil unions (to a degree) and think we must move to loving and caring for people regardless of their sexual orientation. however, i believe that all homosexual practices are sins clearly condemned by scripture and constitute the lust of the flesh. I will not allow homosexual practice to be placed on a higher level of a"sin chart" above other sexual sin. all sexual sins are sexual sins regardless and are equal in offense to God.
- i do not believe heaven and hell are physical places but rather spiritual realms which we as humans cannot fully comprehend outside our physical world. i believe heaven and hell, while both real and literal, are only described as physical places for our limited understanding.
- i believe we are called to love everyone unconditionally and that an aggressive, angry, hate filled gospel is not what Jesus came to establish. i believe Jesus taught grace, peace, and love. i believe the gospel to be the ultimate expression of God's love for the world.
- i enjoy watching romantic comedies that would fall into the category of "chick flick" but not all the time. i enjoy war movies and horror just as much.
- i am tired of fellow Christ follower's gossiping about other believers and passing it off as "rebuking sin."
- i have a strong passion to fight injustice and will not stand for injustice against minorities and those who are "different" in the church.
- i think that American Evangelicals in the last 10 years or so have done a terrible job at representing the true Christ and have created a gospel of political agendas, hatred, and exclusive "you're in, you're out" rights that is not equivalent to what Christ taught in the scriptures.
- i think that at their core, the Roman Catholic and Orthodox church truly teach the gospel of Salvation in Jesus Christ.
- i think speculating about end times eschatology in this current age is a ridiculous practice that gets people nowhere in their fellowship with Christ.
- i believe that God is mysterious and the we cannot know everything there is to know about God through theological systems, the scriptures, or even prayer. God keeps us thinking, dreaming, and desiring Him.
- i think George Bush and his administration has done both good and bad for our country during his presidency.
- i agree with both ray lubeck and dan christiansen even though they at different ends of the hermeneutical spectrum.
- i used to be a fan of boy bands like Nsync, BSB, and 98 degrees back when i was young.
- i wish i was thinner, taller, and had less hair.
there you have it.
grace and peace to you,
jeremy
here's the skinny:
- i am voting for Barack Obama because I cannot stand the corruption of America's health care and education system and i want our troops to get out of Iraq and to come home or go to places like Afghanistan where the fighting actually matters. I also think with clear boundaries and guidelines, we can successfully conduct embryotic stem cell research without destroying living embryo's or putting a demand on abortions and in turn possibly cure HIV/AIDS and other diseases.
- i am a political moderate who doesn't care for big government and has a moral stance against abortion, homosexual marriage, and meaningless war but at the same time i don't like like that the government screws over less fortunate Americans, disregards global climate change, and allows human trafficking to exist.
- i am tired of fellow believers and politicians trying to push a certain view on me that doesn't matter. I am an individual and I have a right to my own opinions/views.
- i am a strong egalitarian and do not have a single problem with women in church ministry, eldership, or the pastorate anywhere. period.
- i am tired of people treating certain individuals (Christian leaders, professors, etc) like they are the next best thing since sliced bread. These people are human and capable of fault just like anyone else. Just because they are advocating a particular view doesn't mean they have it all nailed.
- i do not agree with the likes of Pastor Mark Driscoll and think he has made some seriously offensive statements and remarks as well as expressed theological and social arrogance towards others that is uncalled for, anywhere at anytime to anyone. the same goes for people like Wayne Grudem, John Piper, and John MacArthur. They are great men of God but I do not agree with them fully on everything. You will not be able to "convert" me to the likes of these men, so if you are trying to do so, STOP!
- i do not have a problem with Emergent Village and support them completely. I do however have strong disagreements with Doug Pagitt and I think he is a universalist who is teaching false doctrine and a dangerous theology rooted in subjective postmodern relativism. However I think some of Doug's points about preaching, prayer, and community are worth consideration. I have some heavy disagreements with Brian McLaren and Tony Jones as well, but I do not think they are wolves in sheep's clothing.
- i do not agree completely with the theological positions of Rob Bell or Mars Hill Bible Church. However, Rob's teaching has significantly changed my life and my world view ever since the Summer of 2004 and I consider him a great influence in my life. I do not think that Mars Hill or Rob Bell teach heresy and believe they are theologically solid at their core.
- i do not have a problem with homosexual civil unions (to a degree) and think we must move to loving and caring for people regardless of their sexual orientation. however, i believe that all homosexual practices are sins clearly condemned by scripture and constitute the lust of the flesh. I will not allow homosexual practice to be placed on a higher level of a"sin chart" above other sexual sin. all sexual sins are sexual sins regardless and are equal in offense to God.
- i do not believe heaven and hell are physical places but rather spiritual realms which we as humans cannot fully comprehend outside our physical world. i believe heaven and hell, while both real and literal, are only described as physical places for our limited understanding.
- i believe we are called to love everyone unconditionally and that an aggressive, angry, hate filled gospel is not what Jesus came to establish. i believe Jesus taught grace, peace, and love. i believe the gospel to be the ultimate expression of God's love for the world.
- i enjoy watching romantic comedies that would fall into the category of "chick flick" but not all the time. i enjoy war movies and horror just as much.
- i am tired of fellow Christ follower's gossiping about other believers and passing it off as "rebuking sin."
- i have a strong passion to fight injustice and will not stand for injustice against minorities and those who are "different" in the church.
- i think that American Evangelicals in the last 10 years or so have done a terrible job at representing the true Christ and have created a gospel of political agendas, hatred, and exclusive "you're in, you're out" rights that is not equivalent to what Christ taught in the scriptures.
- i think that at their core, the Roman Catholic and Orthodox church truly teach the gospel of Salvation in Jesus Christ.
- i think speculating about end times eschatology in this current age is a ridiculous practice that gets people nowhere in their fellowship with Christ.
- i believe that God is mysterious and the we cannot know everything there is to know about God through theological systems, the scriptures, or even prayer. God keeps us thinking, dreaming, and desiring Him.
- i think George Bush and his administration has done both good and bad for our country during his presidency.
- i agree with both ray lubeck and dan christiansen even though they at different ends of the hermeneutical spectrum.
- i used to be a fan of boy bands like Nsync, BSB, and 98 degrees back when i was young.
- i wish i was thinner, taller, and had less hair.
there you have it.
grace and peace to you,
jeremy
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
mississippi burning| day 003
Mississippi burning
Anger, tears, sadness, broken heartedness, pain, disgust, passion, justice, and peace. These are just a few words I used to describe my experience while watching the film Mississippi Burning. The film was based around a murder investigation where two white civil rights activists and a black man from Jessup County, MS in 1964. The film weaved throughout the investigation were scenes of Klansmen who were guilty of murdering and severely beating the blacks of the city. The scenes of the oppression and hatred toward the black people were disgustingly real. Seeing such bigotry and racism while being exposed to the very same thing just hours earlier in Jackson made the film very real. I had a lot of riveting thoughts while the film went on.
What I felt was most interesting was the fact that the very same types of oppression could happen to our team here, today. There were several scenes were homemade gas bombs were tossed through the windows of black families homes, causing the houses to burst into flames and threatening the lives of the family. I became very real to me that some white supremacists could easily realize that there is a group of white Christians who are trying to “disrupt” our way of living and so we should go through bombs into their house and kill them. Even as I am writing this, the thought still passes through my mind and it makes me wonder how I am going to sleep tonite. How would you respond if you were in this situation? I realize now how I take so much for granted and how little I really do understand about social tension in America. I am beginning to realize how much of a racist I am and how horrible that truth is. It’s a destructive force that has been fueled by the screwed up American media and by the oppressive political forces in this country. At the same time, I realize it is only the love of Christ that can change me and change the people around me. I must be wiling to submit myself to the lordship of Christ and embracing the redeeming power of the cross. It was powerful and sad to see the cross, which is seen by so many of us as a symbol of unity, being used as a symbol of segregation and division. The burning crosses of the KKK used as symbols of hatred angered me. Throughout the film I really wanted to get a hold of these white Klansmen and kill them, but at the same time I realized that I was a part of the problem and in a lot of ways was no better than them. I think I just cloak my racism with “culture” and then think nothing of it.
One of the things that really irritated me about myself in this was that I don’t really know how to stop such a problem. How do we stop a problem that we’ve been embedded with in this country? It is a true question of cultural and societal engagement.
this is a poem I wrote about the issue of the KKK using the cross as a symbol of destruction rather than a symbol of unity.
The true Cross.
A message of destruction is fashioned to a symbol that resembles peace.
This wood stands marred with flames as fear and tears tremble down this innocent face.
Screams and shrieks come from inside as God’s beloved children burn in pain.
Here there is no grace given by those who live with hate.
But this burning cross does not destroy.
Instead it makes them stronger.
Empowered, they fight for righteous justice and to live peace and harmony.
The cross that showed us grace and peace now burns with flames of bigotry.
That freedom was stolen on a faithful day when our brothers breathed their last.
A crowd around me mourns in agony as a wooden cross bleeds with blood.
A message of redemption is fashioned to a symbol that resembles death.
This wood stands marked with blood as tears of passion role down His innocent face.
Screams and shrieks come from inside as God’s beloved Son bleeds in Pain.
Here there is no death given by one who lived by peace.
This bleeding cross does not destroy.
Instead it makes them stronger.
Empowered, He fights for precious justice living life in peace and harmony.
A cross that once made us afraid now stands in noble victory.
That justice was served on that faithful day when our savior breathed His last.
Mississippi day 002 | charles
Charles| 05/19/08
Charles Evers is an African American Civil Rights activist from Jackson. Charles is the older brother of the late Medgar Evers, the famous Mississippi civil rights activist who was murdered in 1963 in front of his own family. Medgar Evers’ story is portrayed in the film The Ghost of Mississippi.
Monday afternoon we went for a session of dialogue and discussion with Charles Evers, who is still rather active in the Mississippi area as an activist and owner of a local radio station. There’s a lot to be said about Charles. But I think the one word that can sum him up is PASSIONATE! Charles Evers is one of the most insightful and entertaining individuals I’ve ever met.
Just look on Wikipedia for Charles Evers or even YouTube him and I think you’ll see what I mean. Charles has some of the most awesome quirks, mannerisms, “phrases”, and “things” about him that you can’t just help but smile. One guy has even referred to him as the “Snoop Dogg of Civil Rights.”
Mississippi day 001-002 - the church
This is the first of a daily series of blogs about my trip to Jackson, Mississippi working the John M. Perkins foundation for a week. Each blog will begin with an explanation of what the day what the day was to look like and then commentary on each daily experience/event that I/we encountered. I apologize for posting so late. It's been go go go go since day one and I haven't been able to blog as frequently as I originally thought I would. Nevertheless this is what i have written so far.
The church 05|19|08
The church 05|19|08
After John’s message, we loaded up the vans and headed for New Horizon Church, an all black church in Jackson. I was eager to attend church, because I’ve always wanted to experience a black southern church service. The only thing I’d ever known of any African-American church service was what I’d seen in the media. Films such as Blues Brothers and The Preachers Wife were my only “exposure” to a predominantly “black” house of worship.
My experience was more than I expected.
As the hot Jackson sun beamed down on my face, I made my way across the street to the medium sized brick building that was New Horizon Church. The group appeared eager to be there, and we all seemed rather enthusiastic about it.
Like I said, this was my first experience in an all black congregation and I’ll be honest that I felt a bit out of place knowing I was a minority. While there were 11 of us who would have been considered “minorities,” (I knew I wasn’t alone) still something felt a bit uncomfortable. I suppose it was because I didn’t know what to expect. I had a large mesh of stereotypes protruding my uneducated cranium as I neared the doors of the church.
My head raced with questions as I entered the building. Right away I was greeted by several people, both greeters and “non-greeters” alike, welcoming me to their church. They appeared genuinely excited that I was visiting their church and they didn’t seem at all suspicious that a group of white people were there to worship with them. The rush that captivated my body was intoxicating and I couldn’t really explain it. It was like I had this intense feeling that I was home. It felt like I was in a safe environment where people genuinely loved me and cared for me. I was thrown off by how passionate, loving, authentic, and radical the congregation was. The color of their skin never once occurred to me. My heart seemed to pound with Joy as I saw genuine praise to God being lifted up.
I figure a lot more could be said about the service, but I want focus on one particular aspect.
Love.
From the minute I walked into New Horizon Church, I felt a real sense of genuine love and concern that abided within each of the congregants. The atmosphere in the room was thick with emotion, love, and The Spirit. This feeling is something I didn’t get from the “white church.” It seems that these people had a deeper connection with reality than what I am used to seeing in the church.
It makes me wonder about cultural, racial, and class issues within the suburban American “white” church. It seems like white American Christians are really reserved and up tight, especially when it comes to church. We don’t want people to know about our problems and we want people to think we’re doing alright when on the inside, that’s not really the case.
Down south it’s different. Down south, everyone appears to act like their family. People are genuinely concerned about each other, and people are united as the body of Christ. The group was even invited home for lunch, or at least that’s what I heard. You wouldn’t see that in the white parts of America.
We white folk seem to want our own personal space. We want to see a personal Jesus divorced from the rest of the Body of Christ. I think that the people can learn a lot from southern black communities of Faith. I think we need to look past our racial and class barriers and wake up to what we can learn from each other.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Enough is enough…time to face the truth. this is my life part 5
This is probably one of the hardest blogs I will ever write. Of all of them, this one probably hits the closest to home. This blog is really 15-17 years in the making, because it involves the most intimate parts of my relationship with my family. However, it comes with a current context.
Last night around 8PM I called home to tell my parents to email some addresses so I could send out support letters for this mission trip. What ended up happening a stern lecture from my parents about how they don’t have any money for school or support (I could get SOME money from FAFSA, but not enough to cover entire cost.)
My older brother Nate is getting married in the middle of July and my family and I are coming to Portland for the wedding this summer. Because of wedding expenses and the high cost of living now threatening my family, our finances are a wreck!
As the Lord would have it, last night we had a community praise/worship and prayer thing on campus last night for about 3 hours or so. The idea was to focus on praising God through all things, but what really convicted me wasn’t so much about my need of praising God, but my need for dependence on God.
This is the first time in my life that I’ve really felt a sure strong dependence entirely on God’s grace in my life solely on my own. In the past, I’ve of course had a dependence on God, but what it depended on was the conforming of my character to the likeness of Christ. This is the first time were my very life and future depends on MY dependence on the Lord.
I don’t deserve God’s grace and the blessing of the money I need.
Why?
See, for as far as I can really remember, my brother and I have had a completely non-existent relationship. Prior to spring break, the last time I had talked to him was June 1, 2007 I believe. Nearly 8 months ago. Even during Spring Break, we didn’t have personal conversations, but said things in passing VERY briefly. I have pretty much ex-communicated my brother from my life and have selfishly and subconsciously decided that our relationship is irreconcilable in a lot of ways.
Something that began as simple sibling rivalry when we were kids turned into a strong resentment for the other when we got older. We are both equally guilty with equal amounts of blood on our hands. I’ve even recalled dreams that I have had at night where my brother died and I didn’t really feel much discomfort or grief or sadness over his death. For most of my life I’ve wanted to get away from him and being my own person. In some ways it’s like I grew up in his shadow, and in other ways it’s like he grew up in my shadow. I’ve said so many harsh, hate-filled, words that in reality it seems to be no surprise that we’ve grown so distant.
THAT’S NOT RIGHT! WITHOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP, I HAVE NOTHING. I HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE OTHER THAN MY DEPENDCE ON GOD MATTERS BUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FAMILY THAT GOD HAS GIVEN ME!
Friends and education and money and classes and ministry, all this stuff is really secondary to the family God has given me.
My brother and I disagree on a lot of things concerning our worldviews, but that shouldn’t drive us further apart. If anything, it should make us want to come closer to learn about each other’s journeys. But nevertheless, he has become distant me and I from him.
My relationship with his fiance’ is great and I think she’s a great girl and I love her a lot. I really felt convicted last night that if I am to ask God to provide for me, I need to be sure that I’m not hiding anything from Him, because why would God chose to bless me if I’m not honest with Him. My relationship with my family and my brother is far more important than education or a mission trip experience. God has no right to bless me if I cannot forgive the sin of my own brother (Matt. 5:23-24; 6:15.) Scripture says that God’s love holds no record of sin (1 Cor. 13:4) and by not reconciling things with my brother I am certainly holding a record of sin.
I have decided that enough is enough! I want to truly reconcile our relationship (or in some ways, begin to build it) and apologize for the way I’ve treated him over the years because I am as guilty as he is when it comes to being disconnected, willfully choosing not to associate with him. Our differences don’t matter, because as part of the body of Christ we are both redeemed and free.
Jesus died to reconcile all things to himself and he desires to redeem every part of this broken world…through his blood shed he is reconciling and saving us from our sin and our brokenness; our brokenness with each other, creation, and Him. God’s gift of eternal life is holistic. God invites us to be a part of his redeeming gospel of hope for the world, and by holding by a grudge against my family I am not being a part of that redemption. God is looking for people who will be the Eucharist to the world, people who will break themselves open and pour themselves out for the redemption of the world. I cannot change the world if I first do not change myself.
My favorite passage of scripture is John 10:27 where Jesus confronts the skeptics on his claim of being the Christ. He clearly says “My sheep listen to my voice, I know them, and they follow me.” If I am hostile and hating and unforgiving toward my brother, am I living a life worthy of being called one of his sheep? I don’t think so. I am no better than the rich man who demanded favor from Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31).
Jesus wants to save me from my sins and my mistakes regarding my relationship with my brother, and that is a gift of salvation that I have not yet accepted. I realize that by not accepting this part of God’s redemptive story, I am essentially saying I don’t want any part in what God is doing in this world.
I need to offer confession, repentance, forgiveness, and grace to my brother. That is what Jesus did. I need to break myself and pour myself out for the sake of our relationship. Only then can I be free to accept God’s blessing.
With that, I would like to ask you all for prayer. Pray that I have the courage and the strength to be gracious with my brother and to not be hostile towards him and to be patient and embracing and to be like Jesus to him. I need prayer that God will provide reconciliation between us and my family and that He will graciously provide way for me to pay for summer school, because I need God now more than ever before. Regardless of my summer situation, pray that my relationship with my brother is redeemed and reconciled.
grace and peace to you,
jeremy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
