do you love me?

for the past few months, i've really brought into question my relationship with my family, my parents in particular. I'm not the first guy to verbally express emotion or feelings, because i grew up a shy, quiet, socially awkward individual. it's only been recently that i've been able to crack my shell of social awardness and really experience life. i can honestly say that in my 21 years on this earth, i have never once heard my father verbally say "i love you" and actually mean it sincerely. i'm actually ok with it, because i've grown used to it i guess.

this past sunday things seemed to be different in a way i was not expecting, and am really still processing. this past sunday my pastor preached a sermon on what makes strong men. At the end of his message, the pastor ask the congregation to go and find a man and lay hands on him as he prayed for the men of our church and for God's provision in thier life. To my surprise, not expecting it at all, my father stood up and came and sat down next to me and put his arm around me as we prayed together. He didn't saying anything after the prayer was over, but in that moment, i experienced God more than i have in the passed year. i felt the love that God had bestowed on my family and in that moment, all of the disagreements and issues surrounding my families life at that moment seemed to dissapear, because at that moment it was only God speaking directly to me.

What my father felt in that moment I'm not sure. Whether he did it because he meant it or because he simply was asked to by our pastor, i'm not sure. all i know is that God is living and active in the most surprising, yet profound areas of life. i think in that moment, my dad said "i love you." While it may not have been your usual verbal affirmation, it was still a clear as always to anyone who saw us in that moment.

peace and love tot all,
jeremy