just a little slower than most....this is my life story, part 3

just a little slower than most…this is my life part story part iii.

This is the third installment of my life story, and quite possibly the one that is most current and relevant to my current situation.

All my life I’ve been slow. It has to do with being born pre-mature and almost dying. My brain and body developed the second half of it’s growth period outside of the womb and that of course caused potential problems for my cognitive and physical development. I didn’t develop at a normal pace because while other newborns while busy learning how to crawl and breast feed, I was in an Intensive Care Unit at the hospital, only weighing a few pounds (I weighed 12 pounds at 1 ½ years old!) and fighting to survive.

Now, growing up it was always that way. I didn’t go to pre-school until I was five years old. I didn’t learn how to ride a bike until I was about 8 or so. I didn’t know how to add or subtract until 2nd grade. I didn’t learn to read until I was 10 years old. I didn’t develop clear, legible handwriting until I was 12 or 13. And, Lord knows what else I achieved later than you’re average child. Because of my Muscular Dystrophy, I never took a liking to playing sports or much other physical activity (I apparently developed a love for music and the arts instead, I guess). Over the years of course, I learned to compensate and eventually ended up quite normal. My body and mind did develop, but differently. I believe my brain saw the weaknesses it possessed and compensated for the disabled parts. I grew with learning disabilities and even to this day have some limitations in my learning. You may notice that I may not respond or react to information or understand some things as clearly as other people. Here’s the answer. I’ll never know what it’s like to live a normal life because I was dealt a different hand. I truly am, like they say in Forrest Gump “just a little slower than most.”

For the past 4 years I’ve had a lot of trouble learning to drive a vehicle safely and effectively, and it‘s due to my disabilities. I’ve had to renew my driver’s permit numerous times! It’s been a real pain being in my 20s and not having my driver’s license! I’ve had people rag on me saying I was a lazy, ignorant moron because I can’t drive at 21. It’s been a stumbling block in my life because it’s severely limited my independence as a person. Having to be dependent on others for my need of transportation can really destroy one’s self esteem. In today’s culture, something as simple as a driver’s license can be quite debilitating. After years of struggling, I believe I finally have found some hope.

After a grueling two year waiting list, I was finally able to attend the Rehabilitation Hospital of the Pacific on Oahu (the Island that has Honolulu and Waikiki beach, not where I live) to have my driving problems assessed by a professional occupational therapist. The response was this...


At the end of it all, the professional consensus was: (and I agree with it), I totally have the ability and potential to eventually drive, but right now, I do not have the capability to drive (and hence, get my driver's license) due my current conditions. The issue isn't with my muscular problems or my auditory response, but with my visual perception. The assessment revealed that my right side line of sight is not potentially functioning properly. What that essentially means is, when driving, I'm not aware for the most part of the area around my right hand side. After discussion, that conclusion makes a lot of sense! The exact report states “The client’s ability to process visual information required to react is delayed, causing poor timing…”

why?

The most accurate conclusion discovered was this: because I did not develop normally, I probably didn't develop the hand-eye coordination naturally that occurs with most people. My reaction to random, un-controlled actions is delayed and needs work. The bigger reason is because when i was born, my body was positioned on the left hand side because that‘s the direction that the oxygen ventilator was located on. While the doctor's tried to turn it over (my head), i would still look and turn my head to the left. At that early stage in development, it’s no surprise that my right line of sight became hindered, because the left side is what the brain knew as normal, so anything different wouldn‘t work for it, and it would hence force the left eye to work harder. Essentially, since i learned to do things a bit slower and at an older age than most people, it's no surprise to me that driving would be any different.

I have of course grown up and compensated problems i had in the past. That can happen with learning to drive, it's just going to take some time. At this point, I probably won't get my drivers license until I'm about 23 or 24, maybe 25 (more than likely after i graduate from college!).

The rehab therapist told me to work on my right side of my peripheral vision, and to force that eye to work and force my hand-eye coordination to develop for the following year at school, and then possibly return for a further assessment next year. They suggested things like Ping-pong (yes, I was told to play ping pong as treatment!) or even video games. (the idea of playing a Wii was even thrown out there, because you have to respond to random action!) They said I should sit on the left hand side of the class so I have to force myself to look to the right when a professor is lecturing. Anything I can do to force my entire vision field to open up and become WHOLE!

Is it a bummer that I can't get my license right now? Of course. Does it suck that I have to return to Hawaii every year and renew my permit? YEAH! But that's what i have to do. And I'd much rather be safe and comfortable driving than dead at 21 years old! I’ve done some research on people who were born premature and there driving abilities, and most of them have died in car accidents because they were not fully aware of their surroundings.

So, that's my deal, and I'll accept it and deal with it. I'll try to live my life to the best that God is and love others with it. That's all I can do. Getting my license, in my situation is a MAJOR issue, unfortunately! It sucks, yes, but that's just the way it is.

While I certainly do accept the conclusion given by the professionals, it throws my academic and future career plans into shambles. Not being able to drive at 21 years of age is a serious issue. Originally, I had planned to get my license over the summer and then eventually move off campus possibly in the fall of 2008. Eventually, I’d continue school on my own and move completely out of my home here in Hawaii. That was my plan, which sounds pretty normal right? But now, this assessment has forced me to have to rethink my future. I can’t stay in Oregon over the summers (because I have to fly to Hawaii to renew my driver’s permit), and I can’t drive in Oregon, which I had planned to do in the future! Most of all, this really throws off my future as it relates to my personal life. I do not want to end up being a dependent husband to my future wife! I can just imagine, at say 26 or 27 being like “Dear, I need to go to this office meeting..” “I need to go get this…” “I have an appointment here…CAN YOU DRIVE ME THERE?” That’s not what I envisioned at all and it makes me essentially dependent on someone else. I do not want to be that much of a hindrance to my girlfriend and wife. This is causing me to rethink my future plans in a major way, and essentially my life rests on it.

Understand that I am in no means using this as a means for me to get A LOT of free rides to places when we’re in school! There’s a good chance the state of Hawaii Department of Vocational Rehabilitation will pay for me to have a lifetime TRI-MET pass because I will not be able to transport myself places in Portland.

Why am I letting you all know this? Because this is a major issue in my life, and I feel that letting you wonderful people at Multnomah into my world is something I need to do in order to allow myself to be truly honest with who I am, and who God has made me to be.