Thursday, May 24, 2007

we are not called to hate

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home." - jamie tworkowski

If we say we love God yet hate a brother or sister, we are liars. For if we do not love a fellow believer, whom we have seen, we cannot love God, whom we have not seen. And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love one another. - 1 john 4:20-21

Jesus doesn't call us to be haters, killers, violent savages, and exploiters...the question is then, why are we doing it?

we say that we love everyone like Christ does, but...

we treat someone struggling with homosexuality as if they aren't human, not allowing them into the church, and treating them much differently from other "straight" people. The same goes for someone who is a prostitute, porn star, or sex worker.

we shy away when someone is chronically disabled (wheelchair bound, autism, retardation, cebral palsy, etc.), we think that it's because of a particular sin of their parents or themselves, because they have not been "healed."

we find out a pastor or church leader is struggling with sin, and we push him/her away, saying they are supposed to be held to a "higher standard", when no one within the church or otherwise helped them stay accountable for thier actions, or even considered the fact that they are human and will have sin nature as well. (I'm convinced the reason that Ted Haggard struggled for 3 years is because he did not have a stategic plan of accountability, and he did not feel comfortable sharing his stuggles with his contemporaries and/or family)

we tell someone who is not a follower of Christ that they are worthless and that we need to "fix them" because they are going to suffer in hell, when in reality it comes off as a really cocky, "we're better than you" mentality.

we claim the reason for not helping the poor and oppressed is because it is "their fault" that they are that way.

we put ourselves in boxes, staying away from the "world", thinking they are "unsavable" or that "they will come to us."

To me it's shocking, because I know that in the Bible:

God used a known prostitute to save the Israelites (Josh 2:1)

Jesus did not condemn a woman caught in adultery (John 8:11)

God used physical suffering without earthly resolve for his Glory (2 Corinthians 12, Job)

Paul admitted that he was actively struggling with sin, but still preached agianst it and acknowledged it's wrong (Romans 7-8)

Jesus never rebuked or expressed hatred toward anyone during his life and ministry, and died for everyone and everything. His love is true love( Romans 5:8; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Jesus proclaims that we will always have the poor with us (John 12:8) and that we should care for the poor no matter what (Luke 14:13).

Jesus teaches that we cannot love just the people we are comfortable with, we have to get our hands dirty and go to them (Matthew 5:45-47)


I find myself struggling with these issues all the time, if not daily. It hurts to know that i am such a selfish person, and i am trying to die to myself and live souly for God, the problem is that in our 20th century Americanized Christianity, we have stripped the teachings of Jesus of thier raw essence, and tweaked them to support our own selfish ideas and philosophies. One of the best quotes i ever heard about the reality of the gospel is buy a very learned man named John Perkins "We cannot change people and then expect to love them. Our love for them must change thier lives."

That is a maxim that i am desperately trying to live my life by. Growing with almost the exact opposite mindset doesn't help me, but it's a process i am trying to work through. death brings life. weakness is strength, and unity is faith.

peace and love,
jeremy

Monday, May 21, 2007

brotherly love?

brotherly love
Current mood: confused

tonight i was taken back by a spiritual experience I'v never felt before. Tonight we had a party for my brother Nathan's graduation from Multnomah. The party went good, and I was enjoying the company. and then it happened.

My parents I guess peparped a DVD video chronicling my brothers life from birth until now. It was nice and i was looking back at all our memories as kids together. What was i was not expecting was what came next...

The song "the line between the two" was playing by Mark Harris in the video, and listening to the lyrics and watching the film, I started to tear up.

Now, it's not those "I'm gonna try and cry to make it look all emotional". These were real authentic tears, deep from within my heart, i was weeping inside, and i honestly don't know why. I've only ever experienced tears like this once before in my life, and that was when my grandparents passed away, and one other instance in life which would be to long to write about here. I'm not one to cry very much. I'm just not wired that way emotionally. I write, I think, I conceive, I ponder. Music is my form of expression! But for some reason, these tears came, and they came naturally and authentically. It was raw, real, and devout. This was true, and it was beautiful.

was it out of love for my family? Was God finally working on my heart and seeing that my relationship with my brother was not the best? I don't know. All I know is that i felt the Spirit of God upon me at that moment. Was it convicting? Sure. But I'd rather know what it all meant. It's a deep theological struggle within to find why this happened and what it means... it's a big question mark in my mind right now.

is it supposed to be this way

is it supposed to be this way?


my first year at multnomah is over...and, i feel really weird. to be 100% honest, while most people are counting down the days until they will be home and away from school, i honestly don't want to go home!

that's right...you heard correctly...i don't want to go home.


why? well, i'm 21 and have found a real sense of individuality here at Multnomah, and am beginning that psychological stage where I leave my parents' grip, so to speak. and there are reasons i don't really want to go home...

is Multnomah the reason? Sort of. There have been profs. at multnomah who have really challenged me and encouraged me to think outside the "box" of Evangelicism and have really pushed me to thing about things and question them. A lot of my friends have done that too (you all know who you are, and i'm greatful for each of you!)

is it home? sadly, yes...i've grown up with two or three best friends my whole life. It's always been that way for some reason. Well, my best friend since elementary school is going to be away at his families vacation house for the summer in Michigan (He also goes to school there), and then there are other friends who have moved on with thier lives. Friends that i haven't seen in a long time, and friends that aren't going down the right path. Honestly, what is left...few. very few.
more notably, being on a secluded island in a city of less than 50K and practically NOTHING to do...it leaves me lifeless...waisting time, and not being productive.

on top of that, I'm planning to do summer ministry for ministry credit at home either with my church or with a local christian school in my town. i'm not sure which i'm going to do yet, to be honest, the only reason I'm really doing it is to get the required ministry credit. i honestly don't feel the desire to do it convictingly. Hence, i'm not so sure it will be really fulfilling at may "sound." am i being a fake christian who's not really seeing the right side of things, i don't know?

in reality,
i feel like i'm leaving a home. i love portland. i love multnomah. and i love all you wonderful people.

i feel like i'm in this broken state that cannot be fixed, because i'm not so sure what's broken, yet.

honestly, looking at life right now, i see a big question mark ?


i don't know what i'm doing, or am going to do. when i leave here for 3 months, it will be a strange time, and when i get back, i'll be back to a place i know is "real"....i don't know. am i supposed to feel this way...is it supposed to feel like i'm losing a close friend?